How about the ones we tell “keep from hurting other’s feelings”: “Oh what a beautiful baby.” “No, I can’t even tell you have 3 cats in your house.” Funny?

But in the office, telling lies is usually about self-perservation and can be costly. And, according to a recent piece written by Andrea for Gannet News Service, — Most workers will lie to avoid confrontations.

• The lie can be as small as telling someone you like their outfit or new hairstyle when you hate it because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, or saying traffic made you late when, in fact, you overslept. It can be as significant as not telling your boss the paperwork that’s due today hasn’t been taken out of the envelope for fear of losing the account.

I’m not talking about the shame of Enron or spying lies, I’m talking about your garden variety, the ones we tell to cover our rear-ends…(although you can see how an office culture of lying can lead to an Enron, no?) or at the very least, distrust among colleagues.

My story happened while employed at a large bank in Manhattan. The people-pleasing part of me can sometimes get the best of me.

I was new, and wanted to impress the higher-ups…so, I did what any dope would do, I took on an assignment that was completely over my head. Everyone else in the department seemed to take on these Herculean tasks and get kudos and affirming nods from the top brass. What I didn’t know, was that they were “accepting” the responsibility and then farming it out…to overworked underlings.

This strategy does two things. It makes you look good in front of the boss at the start of the project, and it allows for a scapegoat if something goes wrong. Beautiful, right?

Those are the kind of maneuvers about which I have no clue. Never received those tools. So, I tried to do EVERYTHING myself, and in the process sabotaged myself. Anything that could go wrong, did: misidentified mailing lists, typos, wrong addresses, poorly written copy, abysmal internal meetings…you name it.

Why did this happen? Because I lied from the start. Had I said “I’ll manage this project, but I’ll need help”…I proably would have gotten the project done properly, and retaiined some self-respect…but instead, I ended up looking weak, clueless and distrustful.

I’m thinking the most reasonable way to avoid mix-ups, anxiety and damage to your career — is to be a stand up gal.

Post from: Blisstree

Are We A Nation of Professional Liars?

Can one learn to be a leader? Does being a good manager mean being a good leader? And if you are — or you become a great leader, does that guarantee success?

I wonder if leadership has multiple levels of meanings in the context of business? For example, leading a successful meeting is important to me (i.e., people should not be text messaging during my spiffy and gleaming PowerPoint presentation and the meeting should be over in 1 hour).

Or, shepherding an intra-departmental project to completion without having to play political chess or kill someone has often been a goal.

Are the skills required in these 2 examples similar or different than leading an entire corporation?

Again…you either have it or you don’t?

Why am I asking so many questions about this?

I present this as a topic because as a “newbie” to Blog Fabulous, I have been reading through many previous entries and observations and have found some recurring themes, such as “not being able to say no”, “people pleasing”, “over-working” and several other topics.

It dawned on me while I was reading through the material, that women may have much to re-teach themselves about how to navigate within a corporate environment (or a small business) before they even begin to contemplate leadership skills.

I read a lot of books — or rather I buy — a lot of books — about which the focus is often introspection, self-actualization and general professional/personal spackling and upkeep. I have flipped through everything from You Can Negotiate Anything to Druker’s Management: Tasks, Responsibilities and Practices, and Blink, The Tipping Point, The Art of Facilitation…on, and on and on…including many, many biographies on the Founding Fathers…(I know, right?).

Fine investments each and every one…although I probably should have picked up Excel For Losers while I was spending all this cash on books, rather than on Manolos.

There is one very important book, however…that I think all professional women should own, maybe you know it: Play Like a Man; Win Like a Woman: What Men Know About success That Women Need To Learn, by Gail Evans .

Why is this an important book to consider and study? Aside from acknowledging that women are still not sharing as much power as our male counterparts, it helps us understand how many of our female characteristics, things we learned as young girls, such as “nurturing or pleasing people” may provide us with unique contributions in the work place, but may not be helping us to get ahead.

Think about the title of the book, it is a sports metaphor and men are all about the sports metaphors in business and beyond. Heck they were raised to participate in sports and to apply the rules of the game to everything they do. And we need to at least understand how the game is played.

Here’s a great excerpt from the book: (just writing it is making me anxious).

Game Hint: “…you have a sudden inspiration about your new project. You mention it to a few people at the table. You take little heed, but the guy sitting next to you is taking notes. Then, at the next concept meeting, you hear him presenting your material as his. A foul play? Not really. At work, you can’t look at a referee and yell ‘Time out!’ There is no time out. Everything you say and everything you do is part of the game…”

If that exerpt wants to make you bop a male co-worker on the head, I understand…but that is how the game is played.

My point today is, possibly, we need to re-wire of professional subconscious to think less about feelings, fairness, generosity (many of those female qualities that are so wonderful) and think more about the game and how it is played…and WON. If we learn what men know about success then I think great leadership skills will follow.

By the way, the “team uniform” is very important, never overlook what your wardrobe is saying about you.

Post from: Blisstree

Learning to Succeed