Unfortunately, my profile is generating little or no interest. I do hear (rarely) from men who are 10-15 years older than me, but I don’t feel I am at the same place in my life as they are. At this point, I wouldn’t even mind hearing form some of the bozos Lara has had to deal with lately - at least it would mean I’m not invisible.

I read some of Russ’s posts on what to and not to do in terms of profiles. I went in this weekend and I added more of my personality to my intro – doing away with generalities like, “I’m up for anything.”  I had Bay, my teenager, look at my profile and photos. She hit me with her brutal honesty, which actually was not brutal at all. She suggested that I switch up my main profile photo to one where I’m smiling.

I think that it’s a good idea to switch the main photo periodically. I see many of the same men, with the same profile photos, from 3 years ago – the last time I was Match.com-ing it. Have these men been single this whole time?  

A few of my girlfriends have mentioned that they are also getting fewer than normal responses. If you are using an online service, I’d be interested in hearing how it’s going for you. I read that more people are subscribing to online services in these challenging economic times. Are they subscribing, but not dating?  What is the point of that?  Save your money, guys.

If you’ve had a profile up for a few months, I suggest you do the same thing I did this weekend - change up your photo, maybe add some new shots. Change your list of favorites or hobbies to something that reflects the season more, if you’ve got a lot of Summer activities listed. Rewrite your intro, so it sounds fresh and reflects more of the real you.

Then, please let me know if this makes a difference in your responses or lack of responses. I’m curious if this is seasonal thing or regional or…..I’m just very curious and hoping it does not mean that I’m unlovable.

Post from: Blisstree

Maybe I’m Unlovable

Russ writes from a man’s point of view, because he is a man, but his posts are beneficial for women, as well.  Take, for example, his post on the Top 5 Dating Profiles Cliches, wherein he says to skip vague phrases like “I’m up for anything” and “I love to laugh.” Instead, share what you love to laugh at and just what you mean by anything.

You could say……….I love to watch old Laurel and Hardy movies or I try to catch a good stand-up show at least once a month. (Okay, I have no idea where those came from – I laugh hardest at awkward dancing and have not been to a stand-up show since the 80s).

Take a look at his post on profile photos and if you know a guy who is currently doing the online dating thing, please, please have him read it. I’ve just been perusing Match.com and some of these guys really appear to have no clue that most women are not interested in pictures of their pick-up.  

Take a look at what Russ has got to say. He really knows his stuff. 

Post from: Blisstree

Take A Look At Russ From Online Dating Matchmaker

More than a decade after the Internet revolutionized dating — about two million Americans met their spouses online, by one measure — the sites face a new challenge: keeping these couples together. While most sites started out focusing on dating, they are increasingly using their success in the marriage arena as a marketing tool — making the stakes higher if these unions start to go south.

While many happily married couples say they may never have found a mate offline, there are already indications that meeting a spouse on the Web comes with its own set of potential pitfalls. Some divorce cases, for example, highlight false claims made in the online profiles that led to the initial attraction. In addition, of course, there are the natural perils that can come with getting to know a person virtually instead of the old-fashioned way.  Full Article

Do you really think that it matters whether you meet a person online or the old-fashioned way – when it comes to some being less than honest in the image they impress upon you?

I don’t believe as many people intend to be “dishonest” in their profile building in the online dating arena, but rather, they build a profile based on how they view themselves.  Precisely why I think it’s important for everyone who places an online profile to have friends or a trusted family member review it for little bits that may seem exaggerated or untrue to the outside world.

 As an example, if a person says they are “average size” they very well could be “average size” in their world – but that may mean large or even thin in your world.  It might be worthwhile to stress in no uncertain terms early in the email exchanges, precisely what it is that you seek or what it is that you know you should avoid. 

 After you walk down the isle is not the best time to begin sharing those little quirks. 

With that said, I don’t think online dating businesses should place so much effort in the “keeping marriages together forever” aspect.  At some point, the business has to say they did their part and leave it up to the couple to do theirs.

Post from: Blisstree

Mismatched via Online Dating

In a fast paced world, the first few moments of meeting someone are paramount in making a lasting first impression. Assumptions made immediately, during that first meeting often lead to immediate decisions to accept or reject a friend, a job, even a potential lover. Most experienced single’s, take the “what you see is what you get” approach. In just the first few seconds of contact, whether e-mail, viewing a profile, or initial verbal communication, we all form a first impression that oftentimes becomes a lasting impression.

Like it or not, dating is a competitive game. Failing to put your best foot forward during early romantic encounters could cost you your place in the universal game of numbers, dating! It is important to remember, the next first impression you make, could turn into a lifelong experience.

A First Impression – Your Profile

Your profile is a unique and personal introduction. Your profile can easily be considered equivalent to a first meeting. Your profile should be as unique and individual as you are. Though there is not one style that appeals to everyone, you should place as much effort into your profile as you would a first date. A profile is a space for you to display yourself in your favorite outfit, list all of your qualities, perhaps a few of your faults. While viewers of profiles will have varied tastes, there are some general pitfall’s that should be avoided.

Title or Headline
Avoid boring descriptions. Put some thought into something catchy or daring. Remember, this is the first thing potential dates will read about you.

Proofread
Spelling, grammar and punctuation are as important as content. Try drafting your profile in a program that offers the spell and grammar check feature. The style you reflect in your profile is as important as the clothing you choose for your first date.

Unbelievable Perfection
If you are old enough to place a personal ad, you are old enough to realize no one is perfect. Regardless of the style you choose, be careful not to exalt your merits. This practice will scream ego and will likely raise suspicion. It will be your minor faults and inconsistencies that make you human, interesting and oftentimes more approachable.

Red Flags
Avoid sending up red flags. Avoid complaints about existing problems in your life. Refrain from casting yourself in the role of the victim or the emotionally wounded. Never bring up old war stories from past relationships and avoid the word “desperate” or its likeness. The Prince rescuing the damsel in distress only happens in fairy-tales. Chaos, depression and drama are not attractive qualities, regardless of how rosy they are painted.

A First Impression – E-mail

Your initial e-mail can be compared to the opening conversation at a cocktail party. Introduce yourself appropriately. It is important to always listen as much as you speak. Be confident, yet genuine.

First e-mails should follow similar basic rules as profiles, for presentation and content. Take time to experiment and find a style that works well for you. Use the subject line as you would a headline or title. Be creative, proofread, remain positive and above all, absolute. First e-mails should always be individually written and will work best when in conversational style. Mention something about the recipient’s profile, letting them know you do pay attention. Point out an area where you first sensed a connection. Ask a question or two, inviting continued correspondence and include some brief information about yourself. It is best to keep things light and friendly, though tossing in a hint of flirtation won’t hurt.

A First Impression – The Real World

Considering all has gone well with e-mail and phone communications, you are likely looking forward to a first meeting in the real world. Though you may feel as though you already know each other, you have not become familiar with each other’s physical preference. First face-to-face encounters can be a bit awkward, regardless of positive feelings you may have already established.

You will make your best real-world first impression by being calm and confident. Funnel that nervous energy in a positive direction. Remember to smile! Statistics have shown that people are perceived as being more attractive when they are having a good time. The person you are meeting will form an immediate physical first impression in as little as ten seconds, based on a combination of these attributes:

Posture
Walk
Body language
Attire
Physical Characteristics
Smile
Eye contact
Scent
Handshake
Grooming
Confidence
Comfort

In a poll, single men and women were asked to list attributes they find attractive and unattractive in a potential partner. Below is a list of the most frequent responses. Though many of the attributes may not be immediately obvious, most will show up in that first meeting.

Positive Attributes:

Warmth
Confidence
Sense of humor
Fitness
Success
Body language
Conversational ability
Creativity
Kindness
Individuality
Imagination
Aspiration

Negative Attributes:

Self-centered
Judgmental
Poor conversational ability
Lack of education
Negative life attitude
Poor manners
Immature
Shallowness
Manipulative
Materialistic
Indecisive

There are no second chances at a first impression. Invest some quality time into creating a profile of distinction. Recruit a close friend or family member who will give you honest and constructive criticism and implement their responses. In the overall scheme of things, taking a day or two to think about what to write, how to write it, how to reflect the truest you, is a small investment on something that could reap a lifetime of reward.

This article used with the permission of SingleAgain

Post from: Blisstree

The Best First Impressions