Totally cheated. Bought Cigarettes. Nasty. Smoked through the nasty. There was drinking involved. I went to a club, drank and smoked and it was really fun.

Plus, I left the Chantix at home on accident. Left the whole stupid suitcase at home, Chantix was in it. Craved, but only after I opened that door with a cigarette I think. Drinking is a trigger for me. Being away from my kids is a trigger for me. Feels a lot like freedom. But, not having to smoke is the real freedom.

Bad non-smoker. Lapse is not the same as a relapse, right? But, back on the Chantix. I am still a non-smoker who had a weekend cheat. No one has to ever know. Well, at least not my 5-year-old, who isn’t an avid reader of this blog yet.

Post from: Blisstree

Cheater, Cheater . . .

My true motivation is that someone told my daughter that I will die if I smoke. While true, I think this was totally inappropriate and I feel a little bit of anger and resentment about it. Of course, what I’m really angry about is that I HAVE to quit smoking and I love smoking and don’t really want to stop doing it.

In my perfect world, smoking would not only not kill me, but it would be healthy like exercise or my daily vitamin.

But, in reality my five-year-old daughter bursts into tears and with true pain begs me to stop smoking so that I don’t die because then who will be with her and take care of her.

Who can smoke in the face of that? Apparently, I can. Not only have I expected two pregnancies to cure me of my life-long habit, but I’ve quit at least once a week for the last year since my son was born. I’ve quit so many times and tried so many methods, I’ve come to the realization that smoking is like shackles on my life and I can’t seem to find the key to get them off.

At my recent OB/GYN visit I asked about the new miracle pill and he gave me a prescription. I thought, I don’t care what it costs I’ve got to get rid of these shackles once and for all. I hated that it controlled me. Turns out it was covered by my insurance. Even better.

I nearly wept with unadulterated joy when the pharmacist told me to take off the nicotine patch and smoke during the first week of taking Chantix for the best effect. Permission to smoke for another week! YES! Without guilt or harrassment from my five-year-old conscience. Could it get any better?

I’m currently into my second week. I stopped smoking a few days early while I went on my retreat because there was no smoking allowed on the grounds. It’s going okay. I think I’ve grieved enough for my lost right to smoke, surrendered my precious identity as a smoker, broken the physical habit and addiction. Hopefully, taking this pill will help me get over my urges to cheat and have just one, just this once.

 I’ll let you know how it goes. And really, you should stop smoking. If you think you’ve got it bad, you can read just how much I loved my cigarettes at So Sioux Me.

Try the Chantix. Couldn’t hurt. I haven’t had any night terrors, by the way. Thank God for that.

 AMENDMENT on Sept. 27, 2007:

This is Tracee Sioux from Blog Fabulous/ Chantix, where you’ve been hanging out and getting support. Because readers are finding it difficult to navigate 700 comments, I have built a new website called Quit Coping.

Quit Coping will be using the same tone and texture you enjoy here on Blog Fabulous, but it will allow more interactivity and connection with other quitters. It won’t take so long to load up and I’ll be better able to encourage everyone personally.

Please continue our wonderful discussion at Quit Coping,com.

I am greatly honored to be part of your transformation from smoker to non-smoker.

Sincerely,

Tracee Sioux

Quit Coping

http://www.quitcoping.com

Post from: Blisstree

Chantix