What if you don’t really know how you feel? And what if you have no special person in mind? This emotion is pretty hard to peg. The mind is at times clouded and utterly unclear during this time. It’s commonly filled with a face, a touch, or a romanticized memory of the other person. so how then can you attempt a concise and honest statement regarding it? Besides, in doing so, should you succeed in creating such a statement, will it assure you that you have indeed fallen in love the best way?

Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just being my normal self, trying to analyse an emotion that has become foreign to me.

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How To Fall In Love

More than a decade after the Internet revolutionized dating — about two million Americans met their spouses online, by one measure — the sites face a new challenge: keeping these couples together. While most sites started out focusing on dating, they are increasingly using their success in the marriage arena as a marketing tool — making the stakes higher if these unions start to go south.

While many happily married couples say they may never have found a mate offline, there are already indications that meeting a spouse on the Web comes with its own set of potential pitfalls. Some divorce cases, for example, highlight false claims made in the online profiles that led to the initial attraction. In addition, of course, there are the natural perils that can come with getting to know a person virtually instead of the old-fashioned way.  Full Article

Do you really think that it matters whether you meet a person online or the old-fashioned way – when it comes to some being less than honest in the image they impress upon you?

I don’t believe as many people intend to be “dishonest” in their profile building in the online dating arena, but rather, they build a profile based on how they view themselves.  Precisely why I think it’s important for everyone who places an online profile to have friends or a trusted family member review it for little bits that may seem exaggerated or untrue to the outside world.

 As an example, if a person says they are “average size” they very well could be “average size” in their world – but that may mean large or even thin in your world.  It might be worthwhile to stress in no uncertain terms early in the email exchanges, precisely what it is that you seek or what it is that you know you should avoid. 

 After you walk down the isle is not the best time to begin sharing those little quirks. 

With that said, I don’t think online dating businesses should place so much effort in the “keeping marriages together forever” aspect.  At some point, the business has to say they did their part and leave it up to the couple to do theirs.

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Mismatched via Online Dating

I was fortunate to be part of the group to whom she relayed her very cute love story.

Frida grew up in a very traditional Greek Family in Australia, which means they’re very conservative and strict. She had 4 other sisters and they weren’t allowed to go out with boys. They were oftenly accompanied by their father to wherever they wish to go. The night she saw Blondie was an example of such a situation.

Frida and her sisters, together with their father, went to the cinema. She saw a man with blond hair, which explains the nick name Blondie, and immediately took a liking to him. She was totally smitten, she told us. But the guy didn’t notice her at all. Since they were not allowed to chat up any guy, the night passed without any hope of meeting this man. So she went home disappointed but still exhilirated with the feelings she have for this guy,which seem to be growing steadily even if she hardly knew him.

Frida would occasionally see the man around town but failed meet or speak to him for fear of her father. She just spoke of Blondie and her feelings for him to her mom, claiming that she has fallen in love with this man.

Few weeks later, one of her sisters come rushing into the house one day bearing news about who else bought the shop across their house but Blondie, himself. Frida couldn’t believe it until she saw him move in and set up the shop, herself. She was deliriously happy.

Soon after the shop opened, she would always make an excuse to buy Fish and Chips from his shop, even if they’re having Roast for dinner. She’d claimed that she prefers Fish and Chips instead and of she went to buy them herself. This gave her the opportunity to get to know Blondie better. They graduated from the usual greetings to occasional conversations about each other’s interests, one of those were the music that they listen to. He started lending her his albums until she had quite a few in her room that she listens to.

However, here comes the day when Frida’s father caught wind of what was going on and went to speak to her about it. Well, it was more like her father telling her that she wasn’t allowed to speak to Blondie or go to his shop ever again. She was devasted but she knew she had to obey her father but she requested that she’d return all the Blondie’s albums, which were still with her.

And that she did. Frida went to the shop bearing the albums and upon seeing him, she placed them on the counter and said, “I’m just returning your albums. Good-bye.” The confused Blondie asked her to wait and tell him what it meant. She couldn’t begin to explain but she did her best. He then told her, “You must know that I have feelings for you. And if it’s alright with you then I will ask your father for your hand in marriage .” She was 19, he was 21.

And they’ve been married for 32 years. Amazing, isn’t it? Seeing them together that time, I can say that they still love each other very much. It was a wonderful sight and very encouraging for a single woman like me.

Yes, folks, this is a true story. Can you imagine meeting your future life partner in the most commonest of places? And even if you are in a hopeless situation, it wouldn’t hinder love from happening. Frida and Blondie never went on a date, never had that long-engagement or even have the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but it worked out anyway.

I really enjoyed hearing this story.

If you have a love story to tell, do share it with us. It just might help someone else find hope in finding real love. Just send us an email at sasha@b5media.com.

ªNot his real name

Post from: Blisstree

Frida’s Story

Perhaps I did not grow up in a country that suffers from an issue such as this one so I cannot fully comprehend the consequences of such an act. However, I am aware of what really separates races. Uh, skin colour. Call me naive or foolish but that’s all that I can see. One can argue that there are differences in culture and upbringing, which happens to be true, by the way, but these things can be learned and un-learned thus not really an obstacle but merely an excuse.

It’s just the society who adds pressure to this kind of a relationship. People can be cruel sometimes. But if a relationship that came about an interracial dating doesn’t work out, neither can blame it on skin colour. That’s immature, don’t you think? Interracial partners will suffer the same kind of problems like everyone else.

One other thing that is good to note, if we continue in our quest to globalise, then it cannot be helped if all races will mingle on a regular basis. By just being online, we open ourselves up to the idea that we will meet someone outside our race and at the same time we are effected by all the different influences that’s found in news, books, movies and music.

How do I know these? Well, I’m currently living in a country that’s not my own. I can say that I’m learning a different culture from what I’ve known almost all my life. Apart from that, my country is somewhat heavily influenced by the western culture. But if you want to summarize the kind of culture I grew up in, it’s a mixture of conservative, Spanish-influence and American-influence. And I’ve dated a few guys who are from different cultures [American, Filipino, British-Irish]. Plus I know people who are enjoying successful interracial relationships and marriages.

I’d like to think that I have an open mind and I’m not ruled by my own biases, which I know I’m not. Hehehe.

Bottomline. I reckon everyone’s the same. It’s just the personalities that differ. The differences we may face if we consider dating someone from another race are the same ones we would face if we date someone from our own. I guess it will be left to the individual which will weigh more, society’s norm or real love.

Read the article.

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Thoughts on Interracial Dating

At the same time, you do the person no favor by putting off the breakup. That is cruel. As soon as you are sure of your decision, tell him or her right away. It may not come as much of a surprise. You have probably dropped some strong hints along the way that you had your doubts about the relationship.

In any case, be perfectly honest – and gently firm. If you see no future at all in the situation, make that quite clear. If there is no hope, offer the person none. And explain in full your reasons for the break. Remain friends if you care to. But be firm in you decision before you act, then stick by it if you feel you are right. Remember, if it’s infatuation for both of you, you will both tend to get over it fairly fast.

If the person threatens you in anger, stall until you can get protective support from parents or friends. If he or she tries to hold on to you by threatening self-harm or even suicide, that is a bluff – unless the person is mentally sick. Even so, you cannot be held responsible for the immature reactions of others if you’ve done your best to be kind and considerate, yet truthful. A relationship that is continued under the pressure of threat is no relationship at all.

Post from: Blisstree

Infatuation May Grow into Love

Such a response is selfish. Your attitude is one of taking from your relationship. You are not willing to release the other person to do freely what he or she finds enjoyable. In effect, you are saying: “I want you to be happy, but only if you do what makes me happy. My happiness comes first, not yours.” That is a sign of infatuation, not love. Jealousy is strongly associated with divorce. More than three times as many divorced than happily married persons report mate jealousy.

Real Love: If it is love, jealousy is less frequent and less severe. Not that you will never feel jealous. None of us ever gets to be 100% selfless. But the more you love the other person, the more you are able to release her or him. Release is an expression of trust, respect, and acceptance. To the extent that your love is not selfish, you can be free of jealousy.

If she likes to talk to another boy once in a while, he will not restrain her freedom. He wants her to be happy, even though he might prefer that she talk only with him all the time. She will not mind if he on occasion likes to dance with some other girl. Love does not restrict, it release. It does not imprison, it liberates.

That’s why it’s so important that love be mutual. If you love, you trust. That means you need someone worthy of that trust. That way you can free each other to be your true selves, in full confidence that your trust will not be betrayed.

As your love grows, so does your trust and confidence. More and more you learn to avoid the things that displease each other. As a result, jealousy comes to be less frequent and less severe. At length it may all but disappear.

If you set out to save your life, that’s a selfish intent. The result is that you lose out on life. You miss the joy of giving, of being useful, of feeling needed.

Post from: Blisstree

CLUE 14. Are You Jealous?

Infatuation: your overall attitude is one of taking from the relationship. You will find that your main concern is what you are getting out of it, plus what you hope to get in the future. The other person is seen as a means to gratify your own personal needs and wants, to attain your own goals and satisfactions.

You like the person not for what he or she is as a person, but for what that person does for you. You use the person as a stepping-stone to get things you want. Your partner helps you get attention, go places you like, satisfy your sex urge, climb the social ladder, get out of a bad home life, or a host of other private ends. In short, you exploit the other.

Such an attitude will not help you build a long, happy relationship. If you are willing to use the person for your own advantage before you marry, you will no doubt do so afterward as well. You will marry not for love, but for self- centered reasons such as greed or lust, position or prestige, a life of ease or security. These are scarcely the elements of real love.

Real Love: If you have found real love, you more and more want to give to, not take from, the other person and the relationship. You want to share, give of yourself to your beloved. You are intent on doing all you can to bring happiness to the other just as long as it does not spoil chances for his or her future fulfillment, or threaten your future together. When you are in love, you want your beloved to be as happy as you are. If you haven’t yet reached that stage, then you probably do not love.

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CLUE 13. What Is Your Overall Attitude?

That’s a lesson that the so-called “me” generation needs to learn. Such a commitment helps us to rise above mere concern with our own selfish needs and wants. It opens whole new horizons of value and meaning for our lives. The person least concerned about self is the person who becomes most fulfilled.

Loving a spouse or a family not for themselves but because they are your spouse and your children then that is selfish – another kind of self-love. This, like any other type of self-love, serves to keep you from finding your peak of fulfillment. So if you are to be fully mature, your circle of concern needs to reach out beyond the self, even beyond your own family and local community as well. Indeed, now our loving concern must include all people everywhere – the whole of planet earth.

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Commitment – a Law of Life

Real Love: your ego response tends to be unselfish and outgoing. You care as much about what’s good for the other as for yourself. You want her or him to get as much out of the relationship as you get. Love is a state in which each one of two people realizes that his or her happiness can be attained only when the other also is happy. As a consequence, each one lives not only for one’s self, but for the other, sometimes even more for the other than for one’s self.

If you’re in love, you will share thoughts, feelings, attitudes, plans, hopes, interests, even intimate things you would share with few if any others. And the more you share, the more committed to each other you will become. If you are in love, you will also want to keep these shared secrets pretty private – even sacred. You will want to keep your physical expressions of affection quite private. You will shy away from obvious necking and petting in public. It is no accident that those who display a lot of affection in public also tend to get low scores on emotional maturity tests.

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Selfish Sex

Infatuation: Why does Mike like to date Kate? She’s the school’s Homecoming Queen! Not that he likes her all that much. She is pretty and popular, but she’s also spoiled and selfish. Still, he likes to date her because, since she’s the “queen” of the school, dating her makes him the “king.” He’s the envy of all the fellows when they see him out with her. So he dates her, not for herself, but for the boost it gives to his ego.

If you are infatuated, your ego response to the other person is mainly selfish and restrictive. Your prime interest in the relationship is what it does for you.

Maybe you know someone who keeps a guy “on the string.” She doesn’t care much for him, treats him like dirt. But his devotion to her builds up her self-image.

Then there’s the guy who wants to overhaul his partner over to suit himself. He is not content that she be herself. He wants to change her into the person he wants or needs her to be. These are both examples of selfish infatuation.

It’s not wrong for you to have your personal needs filled. Every person needs that. But when you’re overriding interest is your own selfish wants and needs, when you have little or no concern for the wants and needs of your partner – then that’s not love. It’s infatuation.

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CLUE 12. Are You Selfish or Selfless?