Honey, Remember Your Boundaries

When my boyfriend and I dated the first time around, back when we were teens, we were very serious. We spent as much time as possible together, we left out friends behind, for the most part. He stayed out our house frequently - he even had a bed. We talked about everything, secrets were a bad idea, or so we thought. On my 18th birthday, he picked me up, took me to his house and then sat with me when I suddenly came down with an upset stomach. I barfed and barfed and barfed, he sat beside me. We had very few boundaries. 

Back then, I thought that this was a good thing, but eventually it was too much. We were so young and we were living like old married people. We broke up when he went back to school for his senior year. He needed to be a kid again. I was devastated at the time, but I absolutely understand now. 

A healthy relationship needs some boundaries. Today I read What Should You Keep Private In A Relationship? on AOL Health. The piece discusses some of the common things that come up in a relationship like going to the bathroom with the door open, sharing secrets, sharing fantasies, sharing a bed, and farting. (Oh yes, that first fart, yeesh, awkward). 

I’ve noticed that my boyfriend and I have some clearer boundaries this time. Some of this comes with age and some of it comes from self-preservation. I no longer want to know all his secrets. In fact, I say, “please don’t ever tell me……….” on occasion. I like my Steve 2.0 with a touch of mystery. Not that we keep a lot of secrets, details sort of spill out over time and learning about his past is helping me to understand some of the quirks in our present. 

We do close that bathroom door when we need privacy. When we dated the first time, he used to watch me put on my makeup. He has no interest in that anymore and once, when he did watch, he freaked out when I plucked a hair out of face. I mean freaked!  “Ugh!”  It was funny to see him go all squirrely.  It was just a hair.  Sheesh. I’m 42 and they are popping out all over these days. I do know not to do that in front of him again. It doesn’t matter if I trim the guy’s nose and ear hair for him - one pluck and he goes nuts. Boys are funny. I will probably always be more comfortable with the body stuff than he is, I think it comes from being a mom and well, I’m just not very squeamish.   

How about you?  When you are in a relationship, are you very share-y or do you like to keep things to yourself?  How important are boundaries? 

Image credit - Michelle Smith