The best relationships have a balance of independent decisions and listening to input from your partner.  You shouldn’t always do exactly what your boyfriend wants you to do.  He should trust you to make decisions that are best for you and the relationship without putting pressure on you to do what he wants.

Image: sxc.hu

Controlling boyfriends usually have deep underlying insecurities, which they subconsciously solve by pairing with a partner who they can control.  They feel powerful and falsely confident when they know that their girlfriend is doing exactly what they want them to do.  They feel good knowing that they “own” someone and the relationship can quickly sour if the girlfriend attempts to express any independence.

It’s important to be aware of the signs that you are in a controlling relationship because it is a serious relationship that can quickly get out of hand.  Here are important boyfriend behaviors to look for:

• Constant phonecalls and text messages
• Unnecessary and expensive gifts
• Checks your phone and reads your email
• Questioning you about your whereabouts
• Not allowing you to see certain people or go certain places
• Not trusting your decision-making abilities
• Encouraging activities that involve just the two of you
• Encouraging you to cut off relationships with other people
• Not allowing you to express your opinions/emotions
• Anger when questioned about his motives

If you notice that your boyfriend is engaging in these behaviors and you feel uncomfortable with the situation, then it is extremely important that you address it as soon as possible.  If he gets into a habit of thinking that he can control your life and tell you how to act, then it will be extremely difficult for him to change and for the relationship to transform into a healthy one.

It’s extremely important to remember that you are a person outside of your relationship.  You have needs and wants, and you also make mistakes sometimes. You don’t need your boyfriend to make decisions for you or decide who you are.  You need to decide for yourself.  Regardless of how much he loves, he is not there to control your life.  He is there to be a healthy and supportive part of your life while you move forward with independent goals and values.

Post from: Blisstree

My Boyfriend is Protective & Controlling

That being said, sometimes your man just needs to be taken care of.  I obviously don’t want to set women back, but sometimes I think it can be a positive aspect of a relationship to feel comfortable and confident enough to pamper your boyfriend or husband.  Just like women, men can get stressed out and overwhelmed by whatever life has dealt them.  Maybe it’s a hard week at work, too many all-nighters spent studying, or sudden financial setbacks that have caused your lover to lose his mojo, but you can help to bring him back.  Set all of your preconceptions about traditional women’s roles aside and put forth some effort to take care of him.  Do the grocery shopping, cook him his favorite meal, do the dishes, draw him a hot bath, give him a massage, and just take care of all of the household responsibilities for one day to let him relax and regain perspective on his life.

I wanted to write this post because I know that a lot of men and women are going through difficult times related to unemployment and financial troubles, so I want to propose that maybe you can offer a special relaxing day for your husband or your boyfriend to let him know that you love him and you are there for him as he goes through this difficult time.  Hopefully he will understand and regain strength and offer the same to you when you find yourself in a similarly challenging life situation.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Sometimes He Needs Extra Attention

If you have been feeling this recent economic relationship strain, don’t worry because you are not alone.  I have been hearing about new and challenging issues from friends and family in all stages of relationships.  Here are some common challenges:

• We can’t afford to fly to visit each other anymore.
• I can’t move to a new city to be with him because I can’t find a job.
• I can’t afford to go out to the bars and pay for drinks.
• I can’t afford to take someone out to a dinner and a movie.
• We pooled our finances and it’s not enough to buy a place to live.
• We can’t afford to put on a wedding.
• We didn’t want both of us to have to work.
• I can’t afford an engagement ring.
• Now that we’re married, we don’t want to ask our parents for money.
• I lost my job and I need to just focus on myself.

All of these issues exist for many couples regardless of the economic recession.  But if you are one of the lucky few who only find yourself in these negative situations because of a fall in stock prices, my advice is:

• Patience. If your relationship is strong, then you can wait it out.  Maybe you have to pay rent or continue long distance for a couple more years than you had planned, but stay calm and remember what’s important in your life.  After you make it through these challenges, your relationship could be stronger than ever!
• Budget. There are ways to impress your date and provide for your family without spending tons of money.  Don’t push your budget because of other people.  Figure out what you can afford and live within your means.  Everyone is stretching their money right now, so don’t feel uncomfortable about holding back on things that you could have paid for a few years ago.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

The Economy is Affecting My Relationship

If you have been in a serious relationship for a long time you probably think that it is moving towards engagement and marriage.  As the years tick by on your relationship calendar and you take significant steps forward (like moving in together, meeting each other’s families, taking vacations together, and adopting pets) you naturally just develop feelings towards lifelong commitment.

The common problem that I have been noticing is the feeling of waiting.  Due to stereotypes about the male “inability to commit” women find themselves suppressing their feelings of wanting to get married.  They fear that even bringing up the issue will push their man away and they will lose the relationship completely.  What does this mean for a relationship?

It means that there is unaddressed tension between the man and woman because they are not discussing their future in an open way and they are not being honest about their inentions with one another.

In this situation I think women should just put it all out in the open.  If they completely intend to marry their boyfriend, they should let him know.  Obviously don’t jump to this step too soon, but it is important to be honest so you don’t find yourself waiting for something that will never happen.

If you find that you have a definite feeling of “waiting” in your relationship, then do something about it!  Stop waiting for him to make a decision about your future together.  Don’t be too intense about it, but do have a talk. It may be the scariest thing in the world to imagine your boyfriend telling you that he never wants to marry you, but if that is the absolute truth then you need to find out and start moving on.

But in many cases you will be happy to find that it’s the opposite…guys just need a little push sometimes.  They need you to put that idea in their head and help them to realize that the time has come to make movements towards the next step.  It won’t be a quick or easy conversation that wraps up everything in a bow, but you shouldn’t keep waiting…you should start the communication now.

Being on the same page is extremely important in a relationship and finding out what your individual plans are for your future is a good way to make sure your lives are going in a healthy direction.

Image: sxc

Post from: Blisstree

Are You Waiting For Him To Make Decisions?

Keeping the laughs going, Aniston then announced that “If anyone has a movie called ‘Everlasting Love With an Adult Stable Man,’ that would be great! I’m at table six, and my agents are at table 12.”

Jennifer Aniston is funny and cute and successful, but I personally think it would suck to be her. She has no privacy – plan and simple. How many men think, “…uh, not going there,” just because they hope to avoid the media circus that her life sometimes becomes? 

She can’t talk to a man without there being speculation of a relationship. She can’t have a relationship without there being speculation of a wedding….or a marriage ultimatum. And always with the celebrities there’s the baby bump watch.

Weird, weird way to live a life, in the spotlight like that. I am very lucky that I was born without talent and average looks. (Phew, huge sigh of relief).

It’s none of my business, but what about scaling back, taking some time off, letting the attention die down, possibly moving out of LA… wouldn’t that make finding someone easier? 

Maybe she doesn’t want to find someone, though. There is nothing wrong with being single. It is infinitely easier, although it’s hard to give yourself a backrub.

On second thought, it might not suck to be her, as apparently she’s got one hot “beach body.” I could live with a reputation like that.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Art Imitates Life for Jennifer Aniston

Yes, it’s a bit of a dilemma that some of you may have gone through.

Hmmm. That gives me an idea.

Why don’t you “experienced” people give out tips on how to handle this sort of situation. I’m sure your friends and/or family have asked you the same question. How did you go about it?

Personally, I reckon one of the keys is to learn how to prioritise and compromise. It’ll involve a lot of talking and a bucket load of arguments but I’m still certain that finding a stable ground that the couple can work on can be achieved. Once, they’re there, I think it’ll be easy to deal with problems since they’ve somehow established an agreement of sorts.

What do you think? I’d like to hear your thoughts on this issue.

Post from: Blisstree

Relationship vs Career: Isn’t it a bit of a dilemma?

I don’t want to sound like the clingy girlfriend here but hear me out on a theory.

I do sometimes prefer that I know where my man is. Two reasons: one, just to know he’s safe. Two, to ease off some doubts — yea, yea, I’m a chick with baggages. Heh. (Just so things are clear, not that he didn’t know that when he decided to date me, so, no one conned anyone into anything. HA!)

Another thing about this privacy thing, I did mention something about respecting each other’s personal space, I reckon there should be some sort of compromise, right? Is there harm in asking for, let’s say, updates? Send an sms message or ring me perhaps?

There’s something about individuals who are privvy on disclosing facts esp when they’re in a relationship. What’s wrong with letting the other person in on the plan? It wouldn’t automatically mean he or she would have to be part of it. Sometimes, we just need to know and feel that we are a part of something. Other times, it’s just to feel that we occupy your somewhat busy thoughts, too. Otherwise, what’s the whole point of being in a relationship then?

I guess, this is me, thinking out loud again. I don’t even know if I made any sense. But those of you who happen to get what I’m driving at, care to share some of your insights? It’ll be much appreciated.

Post from: Blisstree

Just How Private Are You?

Here’s what I think.

There are some key things that we need to concern ourselves to find a solution to any problem. One of them is to find a way to compromise.

Communicate. I’ve said it before. Communication between two people is important. You have to find a way to establish the right manner of talking to each other. Is it vital that you guys talk in person? Is talking on the phone enough? Or perhaps it’s better if the two of you resort to writing your feelings down on parchment or email?

Space. It’s a cliche but, heck, it works. Give each other the space you guys need in order to sort things out. Just be sure you do spend time thinking about ways to identify the problem and not dwell on finding the person to blame.

Introspect. This happens when you’re in your own space. I recommend that you take a look at yourself and how your attitude towards the relationship is affecting it. It’s a step towards finding a solution.

Breathe. I know it sounds a bit silly but I really suggest that you have to set a portion of your time and focus on just breathing. It will help pacify any turmoil you may be feeling when you and your partner are in a fight.

Cry. It’s alright, you know — crying, I mean. It will help ease off the emotional load. It can take some of the anger away. Aside from it being physically good for you, it can help level, somehow, the stress on your emotions and psyche. Don’t quote me on this, though.

I’ve observed that usually problems occur when both individuals are stressed. Also, when the issue is quite serious, it will take time before a solution is made. Expecting things to be fine after talking-slash-arguing for an hour or two is not healthy. It may take a certain amount of tinkering to make things work smoothly again.

Of course, it also happens that old issues re-surface during arguments especially when it wasn’t resolved properly the first time. So, expecting that it will NOT be raised is close to being silly.

Bottomline, before you enter into an argument, make the decision on whether you wish to work it out or not, it will help you direct how it will end. You have to be patient, too. Also, you’ve got to practice some sort of humility so you can actually patch things up and be able to apologise. Remember both of you are at fault, otherwise, there wouldn’t be any friction in the first place.

Anyway, what’s the worse thing that can happen? You’ll probably just head on your separate ways. A good choice for couples who can’t settle on a solution no matter how much they argue. It’s total bullocks to stay in that relationship me thinks.

Feel free to share if you have other tips, which you think I should have included in this post. Your thoughts can help the other readers.

Post from: Blisstree

Tips on Handling Arguments

I lifted this quote from ma friend Rico over at Fool for Five.

Isn’t it quite apparent that I’m trying to start a gender war here? LOL. Nah. I’m just playing. I just found the quote or, uh, zen teaching(?) equally funny as the last quote I shared to you guys.

Read more of Fattifatbastard’s guide, I suggest you brace yourself for more laughs. Enjoy!

Post from: Blisstree

Maharishi Fattifatbastard’s Guide to Zen, er, dating..?

I, now, have a new blog-addiction. Reading the utter craziness written by this Noisy, Noisy Man! Hahaha. I really had to laugh out loud! He’s friggin’ funny! Mind-numbingly C-R-A-Z-Y! [All meant in a good way, ok?!]

Since I did a feature for the women on how to care for their new boyfriends, I thought I’d extend the same courtesy to men who have — uh, not necessarily new — girlfriends.

Of course, in my readings, I stumbled onto these posts from his series, Troubleshooting your Girl: [Provided some excerpts, too.]

Troubleshooting your Girl: PMS

“You can also say ‘Honey, my wallet is upstairs. Help yourself.’ But I won’t advise it, lest you’ll have different variants of chocolate for dinner for the next three months. And your woman’s closet will be unexplainably filled to the very last inch with fur coats, shoes, handbags, and other girly stuff we men don’t even want to touch.”

[What is it about men and PMS? Honestly.]

Troubleshooting Your Girl: Your Wallet Beckons

“Rob a bank – This is probably the simplest solution to your problem. Borrow some of your girlfriend’s stockings, put it over your head, get one of those cheap Chinese-made Swiss Army Knives that you’ve been collecting (you can finally use ‘em!) go to the bank, and scream ‘This is a stickup! I want your money!’”

[You've got to check out the Pros and Cons. Heehee.]

Troubleshooting Your Girl: Read Her Mind!

“The Pickup Line. No, women would not appreciate it if you state outright that you just want to get into their pants.”

[Note: I got the male and female images from this post. Great way to illustrate a point, I must say. Hahaha.]

I’m sure it’s not meant to offend us, females. It’s done in good — un-clean(?) — fun. I do suggest you head on over there, read them posts and get to know this Noisy, Noisy Man. His blog is crazy fun!

Post from: Blisstree

Tips On How To Troubleshoot Your Girl