It’ll just be four days. I’ll be going off on a *political* road trip (part of media on a campaign caravan of a senatorial candidate), which means I’ll be on the road without my partner beside me and I’ll be doing my own thing. It’s a bit unsettling since, for the past few months, I’ve grown used to the fact that I can see him in a heartbeat if he or I want to. The last time we were apart was when he spent Christmas in the province with his family.

I have to admit that I am excited about this opportunity to further my career as a writer-slash-blogger in new media but, of course, it’s a bit hard doing stuff knowing that I’m leaving someone behind. The dilemma of attachments me thinks.

I reckon this sort of thing comes in every relationship and standing the test of distance may help make us stronger (that certainly sounded cliché-ish ) but regardless, this is something I need to learn. Not to detach but simply to be a little less dependent on the security of proximity.

Anyway, I’m sure this is an opportunity to learn something new — both on relationships and building careers.

What do you guys think? Any thoughts?

Post from: Blisstree

Dating & Relationships: Trial by Distance

I don’t want to sound like the clingy girlfriend here but hear me out on a theory.

I do sometimes prefer that I know where my man is. Two reasons: one, just to know he’s safe. Two, to ease off some doubts — yea, yea, I’m a chick with baggages. Heh. (Just so things are clear, not that he didn’t know that when he decided to date me, so, no one conned anyone into anything. HA!)

Another thing about this privacy thing, I did mention something about respecting each other’s personal space, I reckon there should be some sort of compromise, right? Is there harm in asking for, let’s say, updates? Send an sms message or ring me perhaps?

There’s something about individuals who are privvy on disclosing facts esp when they’re in a relationship. What’s wrong with letting the other person in on the plan? It wouldn’t automatically mean he or she would have to be part of it. Sometimes, we just need to know and feel that we are a part of something. Other times, it’s just to feel that we occupy your somewhat busy thoughts, too. Otherwise, what’s the whole point of being in a relationship then?

I guess, this is me, thinking out loud again. I don’t even know if I made any sense. But those of you who happen to get what I’m driving at, care to share some of your insights? It’ll be much appreciated.

Post from: Blisstree

Just How Private Are You?

For some, it’s an easy answer — you’ll see each other on the weekends. But what these people may have overlooked is the possibility of other couples having more than one job AND if one or both are still living with their parents [in the Philippines, it's quite common for single individuals to co-habit with immediate families and only separate when they marry].

I, for one, am holding two jobs right now. I have a somewhat regular 9-5 job and I, er, manage online content for three problogs. So, my work load is pretty heavy, to say the least. My typical work schedule on a weekday is go to work by 10am earliest then work for nine hours. After that, I have to allot a minimum of four hours for my work online. Just throw in a cumulative three hours of commute and time for lunch, dinner and toilet breaks in the mesh. AND, of course, there’s sleep.

On weekends, I grab the opportunity to sleep in and when I wake up I work online for 8-10 hours.

It’s a wonder how I can actually manage to keep a relationship because oftentimes I find myself wanting time to stand still so I can squeeze in more work so I can get more done. Gah.

Is proper time management the answer to this dilemma? Most probably. Or do you really have to sacrifice a portion of your time — either you leave off some of the work unfinished or you lose a bit of sleep?

I guess, I’m just thinking out loud and hoping to get some tips on how to resolve this.

Any thoughts?

Post from: Blisstree

The Deal About Work and Relationships

Here’s what I think.

There are some key things that we need to concern ourselves to find a solution to any problem. One of them is to find a way to compromise.

Communicate. I’ve said it before. Communication between two people is important. You have to find a way to establish the right manner of talking to each other. Is it vital that you guys talk in person? Is talking on the phone enough? Or perhaps it’s better if the two of you resort to writing your feelings down on parchment or email?

Space. It’s a cliche but, heck, it works. Give each other the space you guys need in order to sort things out. Just be sure you do spend time thinking about ways to identify the problem and not dwell on finding the person to blame.

Introspect. This happens when you’re in your own space. I recommend that you take a look at yourself and how your attitude towards the relationship is affecting it. It’s a step towards finding a solution.

Breathe. I know it sounds a bit silly but I really suggest that you have to set a portion of your time and focus on just breathing. It will help pacify any turmoil you may be feeling when you and your partner are in a fight.

Cry. It’s alright, you know — crying, I mean. It will help ease off the emotional load. It can take some of the anger away. Aside from it being physically good for you, it can help level, somehow, the stress on your emotions and psyche. Don’t quote me on this, though.

I’ve observed that usually problems occur when both individuals are stressed. Also, when the issue is quite serious, it will take time before a solution is made. Expecting things to be fine after talking-slash-arguing for an hour or two is not healthy. It may take a certain amount of tinkering to make things work smoothly again.

Of course, it also happens that old issues re-surface during arguments especially when it wasn’t resolved properly the first time. So, expecting that it will NOT be raised is close to being silly.

Bottomline, before you enter into an argument, make the decision on whether you wish to work it out or not, it will help you direct how it will end. You have to be patient, too. Also, you’ve got to practice some sort of humility so you can actually patch things up and be able to apologise. Remember both of you are at fault, otherwise, there wouldn’t be any friction in the first place.

Anyway, what’s the worse thing that can happen? You’ll probably just head on your separate ways. A good choice for couples who can’t settle on a solution no matter how much they argue. It’s total bullocks to stay in that relationship me thinks.

Feel free to share if you have other tips, which you think I should have included in this post. Your thoughts can help the other readers.

Post from: Blisstree

Tips on Handling Arguments

Are women master manipulators in relationships?

Curious thought, I must say.

I was talking to a co-worker of mine about this quote I shared when she told me that it’s true. She does believe that women, by nature, have the ability to manipulate a situation to turn in their favour. I have to admit, to hear a married woman say that, surprised me. Then I’m caused to ponder on the thought some more and I realised that I, too, was guilty of being a “manipulator” at some point in my past relationship — the bitchy kind at that. Heehee.

I’m not particularly proud of that and I did try to make amends for it. Believe me, boy, did I pay for it. LOL. Well, anyway, it’s a good thing I got to think about this theory. However, I can’t help but wonder if it applies to ALL women.

From what I’ve observed with women, some have the knack for “smooth talk” and/or has her way with twisting semantics. Some may call it a subtle way of training the man to think he’s thinking for himself but in reality it’s the woman feeding him the idea. Personally, I reckon that these women have tapped into the power of persuasion. Most politicians and successful businessmen have it.

When viewed in relationships, however, it seems unethical and detestable. You might be right, especially when this so-called power is used for selfish interests and eventually leaving their partners badly scarred. Come to think of it, it’s somewhat abusive.

I’m sure there’s some sort of balance being practiced in most relationships. Uh, right..? But what I’d really like to know is how do women feel about being stereotyped as a manipulator. And for the guys, I’m sure you have a thing or two to say about this matter like how you feel about the women who are and your experiences about being, er, a “victim”.

Discuss.

Post from: Blisstree

Are women master manipulators in relationships?

I heard it said before that men do stress over knowing what their girlfriends want. Oftentimes, they’d assume certain expectations that could possibly harm the state of the relationship. They’d beat themselves up for being inadequate without the knowledge of their partner and, meanwhile, the other is wondering about his sincerity, or worse, his honesty.

I guess this brings us to the issue of proper communication between two people in the relationship. If one refuses to ask a question just because of a certain fear, then both will remain in the dark.

Bottomline, I really suggest that guys should go ask the girls what they want before jumping into any conclusion. For all you know, you might be missing out on an opportunity to make the two of you happy.

Post from: Blisstree

Quick Tip: Ask her what she wants

Let me explain it further in my own way. It’s like seeing them give their blessing on your newly-found dating relationship with their mate. I mean, all of us have our own tight-knit group of friends, whom we consult from time to time and value their insights on the people we date. So, introducing them to the person we’re currently dating for the first time can be crucial to the future of the relationship. Personally, if I am to date someone, I prefer him to be able to mingle and get along well with my friends and vice versa. The relationship will be a little less complicated that way. But if for some unfortunate reason and these people don’t mesh well, I admit, I’d have to drop the guy — after careful consideration, of course.

Granted that there’s a line between seeking their approval and them dictating who we date, it actually depends on us, really. It’s how much power you give them. There’s actually nothing wrong with it so long as you are happy with how things in your dating life is turning out to be.

So, what’s your personal stand on the matter? Do you think that “The Nod” is a vital part of a successful dating relationship? Do you actively seek out “The Nod” from your date’s friends? What about your friends?

Post from: Blisstree

The Nod: Friends’ Approval

Here’s what I’ve found. Ack. It’s Psych 101. Hehehe.

Freud’s Defence Mechanisms include:

Denial
claiming or believing that what is true to be actually false

Displacement
redirecting emotions to a substitute target

Intellectualization
taking an objective viewpoint

Projection
attributing uncomfortable feelings to others

Rationalization
creating false but credible justifications

Reaction Formation
overacting in the opposite way to the fear

Regression
going back to acting as a child

Repression
pushing uncomfortable thoughts into the subconscious

Sublimation
redirecting ‘wrong’ urges into socially acceptable actions

Undoing
if you have done something bad, sometimes you can undo it or make up for it

Compensation or substitution
trying to make up for some feeling of inadequacy by excelling in some way

Fantasy
daydreams and their substitutes

Identification
allying with someone else and becoming like them in order to allay anxiety

Dissociation
includes processes closely related to repressed and distorted perspectives or memories

Man — I’m guilty of a lot of these. I reckon I’m mostly guilty of — well at least, what I’m aware of — are Intellectualization, Fantasy, Sublimation and Repression whenever I handle relationship stress. But I also found that there’s nothing morally wrong when you do resort to these mechanisms though they do have repercussions. Some do come automatically and most of the time, unconsciously. It’s good to know these things, though. It will help you cope with stresses that a relationship can put on you — so you can drop the idea that you’re going crazy. Teeheehee.

Sources: Mental Help | Changing Minds.

Post from: Blisstree

Defence Mechanisms