One of her readers wrote to her about a dating situation where she’s seeing a young man that she calls “Rebound Boy,” and how yes, the sex is great, but he’s unattractive to her and acts as if they are not together in public. What is the problem, you ask?  Well, it’s all right there, isn’t it?  He’s not attractive to her and he is embarrassed about being seen with her.

Why are we so afraid of being alone that we will put up with being with someone bad just because he’s a warm body next to us, especially when he’s not next to us?  What is so bad about being single, being independent,  calling all the shots?  Why waste our time on the wrong one?  How are we supposed to meet the right one that way?

I, for one, am not doing it anymore. A little compromise is good, imperative, even, but being treated with anything less than respect is something that I will no longer tolerate.

And if any of my girlfriends are reading this and you notice that I’m doing it again, going along with less than loving treatment, please call me on it. Please.

I was talking to a nice lady yesterday. Someone who had previously been portrayed as a someone very different to me. She’s found herself in this painful situation for too long and it’s even more painful because there is a child involved.

What is wrong with some men?  What are they looking for?  What hole inside themselves are they feeling up with bitterness and ugly nasty feelings like guilt and deceit?  Wouldn’t loving a woman like she deserves to be loved be a better way to make a guy feel like a Big Man?

Yeah, this is corny, but I’m offering all you ladies out there a great big cyber hug. Examine your situation and if it’s hurting you more than making you happy, rethink it. You are not stuck. You are not stupid. And it is definitely not all your fault.

Hold onto the hope that there’s something bigger and better out there for you.

Image credit: All Posters.com

Post from: Blisstree

Treat Me Right

The Daily Reflection for June 30th is certainly one to take forward into July and even after that.

“The unity, the effectiveness, and even the survival of A.A. will always depend upon our continued willingness to give up some of our personal ambitions and desires for the common safety and welfare. Just as sacrifice means survival for the individual alcoholic, so does sacrifice mean unity and survival for the group and for A.A.’s entire fellowship.”

Making it a real challenge for me at this moment to quantify (wrong word, I know but) with this;

“Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life.”

Neatly ignoring the very next sentence: “May I do Thy will always.”

Post from: Blisstree

A Reflection To Move Forward With…

For those profundity pushers who offer newcomers this phrase “do the right thing and the right thing will happen,” I want to say – for who? Because it is my experience that it is a matter of perspective whether this will hold true for you.

It might be that if you do the right thing, the right thing will happen – for someone else! The trap is coming to believe that if you do the right thing, the right thing will happen for you!

For ex., my biggest challenge personally – intimate relationships;

Attracted to a newcomer: the right thing is to leave the newcomer out of my personal world until the person has the opportunity to get and stay sober. You can be friends. I do the right thing and… no, that wasn’t meant to be. Okay, it’s okay…

Have a friend attempt a match-up with someone with long-term sober/clean time. Get silly, excited, even child-like. I do the right thing – maintain reasonable expectations, keep it in the day, stay in contact with HP, no forcing my will on anything. No matter, it wasn’t meant to be and I can’t say I’ll ever be happy with the way that ended. The lower power is a s******.

Again, have a friend attempt a match-up – this time with an “earthling” who is seemingly attracted in return. Shortest vision of all. Just a few days. Do the right thing, don’t get ahead of yourself, be a friend first, communicate. Once again, as if on cue, this wasn’t meant to be because I was simply an ends to a means i.e. had I been able to offer a ride on a motorcycle, this would have come to pass. Judged… and wrongly. The mistake? Misperceived the attraction.

There is not much more to these situations except to say that I put into effect lessons I had learned and did the right things. I suppose I developed an expectation that there might be a caring partner that H.P. thought I was worthy of. Not happening…

This is an example of my depression – and I’m still sober. Through anything, A.A. and my God, despite how I misunderstand Him, see to it that I don’t have to drink alcohol. What would that solve? Or – how much worse could I make life were I to pick up a drink? Not worth it…

Post from: Blisstree

Discouraged, Depressed, Sad, Lonely and Still Sober

Thank God Rick T. taught me one of life’s simple realities I had not learned, for whatever reason. He made the simple statement that each one of us has our own perception of reality. That your perception of reality and my perception of reality often would not match.

Since God graced me with sobriety I have been given many additional gifts. One of them is that my perception of reality has equality as its foundation. There are times when this gift turns to frustration and then I have control issues…

For ex., when “we” lay claim to the profundity that the newcomer in a meeting is the most important person in the room. That simply isn’t true. Not in my God’s eyes, nor ought it be in my eyes. Every single child of God is equally as important.

Another example is when someone with “forever” time sober, who, for whatever reason, is on a “mission” to inform recovery people of the history of Alcoholics Anonymous and its successes through the power of God – this person seems to believe they ought to be allowed special privileges that none other has. And when they don’t receive those privileges, they should be believed when they blame others for not allowing those privileges. That simply isn’t true either. (Please don’t mistake this – in no way, shape or form do I wish to diminish the “mission” this person has!)

But, we each have our own perception of reality. I cannot profess to understand why this person feels they ought to be placed above, thereby separated, from the rest of us. I do understand that we alcoholics have that tendency to separate ourselves from others. I surely do it. What I can understand is my propensity to take things personally. So, when that person says, publicly, they have avoided this site for what they proclaim to be some slight towards them, I become defensive.

I take a look at what they said again and again. I know what I have done and I know what they attempted to do. I see how they twist things to meet their needs – “supposed promotion and commentaries.” There was nothing at all “supposed” about it! But, that is my perception. They were too busy to notice emails or return phone calls. They are, after all, on a “mission.” They’re important… But, that is my perception.

Therefore, without communication, which I attempted in order to clear things up and come to a reasonable agreement as folks with the same end result as our motive, I find myself making decisions based only on what I have at hand. What I have at hand is nothing more than what I see as a promotional essay selling your book(s) that you want posted on this Blog without seeking approval. Your comment is not approved. The b5media network which owns this Blog offers advertising space for those who seek it and are willing to pay for it. If it were my personal Blog (and I own a few) the decision would be the same simply because I don’t go to the effort I do for you to gain free advertising for your new books through your commentary unless you and I have a prior agreement. It’s called respect.

I’m reminded of at least a couple of principles.

From page 53 in AA’s 12&12: “Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.” and, from pages 180-181: “Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion… Considering this explosive factor, we knew we had to exercise self-restraint.”

[There are no coincidences. I struggled with this yesterday and this morning char made a comment on exactly the post I needed to re-read! Thanks char!]

Post from: Blisstree

Tormenting Ghosts

Give The Girl A Chance

“Today, I can say to the new gals: If you put sobriety first, you can make it. In the Thirteenth Step area, here are a few of the lines I look for.

I run, don’t walk, away from the glib orator who presents a beautiful program of solid sobriety at an AA meeting, but confides to me at the first opportunity, when we are having a cup of coffee, that I’m so understanding and if he had someone around like me, his life would be different (he’s being understood far more than he realizes), or “You’re a beautiful person. I’d like to get to know you better.”

I’m leery of a guy who puts too much emphasis on our wonderful Slogan Live and Let Live. The Slogans have been a lifeline to me, and I respect and use them (or try to) in the right context. But when I hear a member say over and over, “Where I go, what I do, when I do it, and who I do it with is my business — I say, Live and Let Live,” I know this dude’s feeling guilty. He’s doing something he shouldn’t be doing, or he wouldn’t be trying so hard to tell us to mind our own business. He’s paranoid.

Live and Let Live. I buy that 100 percent, but if I have to sneak around, afraid you’ll find out — I want no part of it.

Then there’s the guy who very sweetly says, “I’d like to take you out to dinner or see you outside of AA — but how long have you been sober? I don’t mess around with an AA gal who hasn’t been sober at least a year. I wouldn’t want to be responsible if you started drinking again.” Does a year make it ethical? By whose standards? I’ve been without a drink, a day at a time, for thirty-seven months, and I’m not so sure that I could survive something that was not “good.”

I am not a sanctimonious reformer. I am only saying, there are some guys who are contributing to the delinquency of minors. I don’t care if she does have a beautiful, mature body — emotionally, she’s an infant. I was less than that, and I’m only now learning to crawl.”

Post from: Blisstree

13th Steppers Exposed