*Go forth with confidence. It’s the fake-it-till-you-make-it school of thought.

Santos says, “Men are taught that confidence solves just about anything. You can be making a total mistake, but as long as you’re confident, it will turn out okay. This may explain why we are so clueless at what we are doing in bed, but we act like we know.”

*A little self-control is not a bad thing. Have a glass of wine, but I don’t care how they are portrayed in romantic-comedies, a sloppy drunk girl is not cute.

Santos says, “Getting too tipsy on a date is a turnoff. Some people turn into a completely different person when they are drunk. Let the other person learn about you while you’re sober… Alcohol should be introduced into the relationship slowly…”

*He really does like the natural look. My daughter was telling me that her new boyfriend doens’t want her to wear makeup. They all say this and I think that they like the idea that their girl is a natural beauty, but we ladies can feel more confident with a little makeup. The trick is to keep it light and subtle.

Santos says, “Seems like as time goes by, makeup makes like the earth and erodes and changes with weathering. There is nothing more ghastly than makeup run amuck in the morning after spending the night together.”

*Men think women are crazy. I could take offense at this one, but I’m going to give men a break here. It’s not just women – humans are crazy. The trick is the find the crazy that you can stand to live with.

Santos says, “Once I accepted that women were ‘crazy’ (many older guys had insisted they were for years), it seemed to take a huge load of pressure off me. No longer was I trying to rationalize moves that women made that got me into crazy analysis cycles. When I just throw it all out the window and dismiss it as ‘crazy,’ it makes it easier to deal.”

*Yes, commitment does scare him. Here’s where I think women differ – we take a man and we make him somehow fit with our ideal. We stick him into a box where maybe he doesn’t fit so well. Men are the opposite, they wonder about the possibilities and question how they will recognize The One when she arrives.

Santos says, “Commitment means that I’ve decided that the woman I’m settling down with is perfect and there is no one else out there for me. Commitment means I’ve found my soul mate, that I am completely secure with myself, and that there should be no going back. I don’t know about you, but all of that is pretty heavy.”

Check out the rest of Rich Santo’s 20 Secrets Men Keep here.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

The Mystery That is Man, 5 Quick Insights

Today, a friend of mine, Eliza, shared this post with me  Ten Dating Red Flags, by Rich Santos over at Marie Claire.  Rich shares some very important relationship points that are equally applicable to men and to women.  

For example:

1.  You Are Not on the VIP List For Breaking News.  Were you the last to learn about this person’s job promotion or newborn niece or nephew?  Once things are serious, you should be among the first to know about exciting news, or bad news.

  OR

3.  The Don’t Make Any Sacrifices. Healthy relationships don’t require bending over backwards all the time, but a certain amount of sacrifice is necessary in a selfless union.  When two of my friends first started dating one another, she demanded that he go to Farm Aid for her birthday, which was also the opening NFL football Sunday.  While all the guys gathered to watch the games, he was sweltering on some field attending Farm Aid-an event he never would have gone to if she hadn’t of invited him.  Now that’s sacrifice.

These points, they are important.  There needs to be some sense of connection, some sense of an ”us” in a long term relationship.  That give and take, it builds trust and security. 

The differences between the sexes can be very deep and mysterious and in some ways that’s good. Too much familiarity can change something sexy into something friend-y, but for the most part, there has to be some common ground, some shared vision of where we are coming from if we are to ever get the next phase in a relationship. It is heartening to learn that men and women are looking for the same things in a relationship. It’s boys vs. girls world. 

I want to understand men.  I want to figure out the man-puzzle, if there is one. I love men and it’s important to me that my daughters learn to enjoy and understand the opposite sex, as well, which is tough when you are growing up in single parent household. My hope for their future is a loving and enduring relationship. It is my hope for your future, too.

Do you have your own version of a red flags list?  Do you have an important piece of the man-puzzle mystery that you’d like to share? 

Post from: Blisstree

Men and Women – Are We Really That Different?