I agree.  I wasn’t prepared, and it seems so strange at first. However, I learned to enjoy Mother and Auntie as they journeyed through their Alzheimer’s world. There were frustrations, disappointments, but rewards, too. My daughter and her children’s lives are richer, as well, by caring for these ladies. The memories are often bittersweet, but this was a stage in their lives that I hoped we made easier for them.

Some tips on how to prepare yourself:

• Once I realized I’d be caregiver for Mother and Auntie, I took advantage of workshops and lectures offered by a local nursing home.  This gave me insight into various aspects of caregiving.
• I found a support group.  Actually in my case, it was my neighbor who was caregiver for her great aunt.  We discussed the challenges, the joys, and discovered resources.
• I tried to learn all I could from reading and workshops. and look at the world through  Mother and Auntie’s eyes.  They taken ill with Alzheimer’s before there was much on the Internet.  Today, check out Internet resources for information.
• Start your own blog;  visit other web sites and blogs to learn how others are coping.
• Communicate with family members as much as possible and enlist their help.  Discuss the situation and your feelings.

How are you preparing for parenting your parents, spouse or elderly family members?

Post from: Blisstree

Preparing for Parenting Role Reversal

The good part about all this was that my Husband and I were able to reverse our roles as parents without me having to do much! No nagging, no ‘reminding’, no asking.

I can say I can’t do it and it’s all right. I wouldn’t be looked at with disdain! If you tried to wrap these notebooks with these self-adhesive wrappers, you’d know why I struggled.

What about you? What parenting role reversals would you like to happen between your husband and yourself?

Post from: Blisstree

Because I Can’t Do It

Now, I understand in most cases people aren’t trying to call me a woman. I understand that really. But what drives me nuts is people think all my wife does is work and neglect the kids, and on the flip side all I do is wear an apron and vacuum. Stereotypes!

So the jerk that I am, I replied yesterday with “Role reversal? What do you mean?” See I was baiting and prepared for what was to come since I had been in this same situation many times in the past. “Well you stay home with the kids right?” she insisted.

“Why yes I stay home with the kids still, but what do you mean role reversal?” I asked.

She looks at me for a minute, “Well your wife works and you stay home, ain’t that a role reversal?”

Oh man, I was so fortunate to get a question just like that. “Well, yes and no” I added. “If it is a role reversal then why am I moving and stacking 10 cords of wood, painting the house, mowing the lawn, and making household repairs?”

Her reply followed by a chuckle, “Ok I get your point!”

I am not trying to really be a jerk in these situations but rather educate people who are so quick to call my situation a role reversal. I am sure my wife wouldn’t appreciate it either. But hey I understand people aren’t really thinking when they say role reversal. I bet if they thought about it long enough they would assume it wasn’t a “true” role reversal. But, hey I can’t help myself.

Post from: Blisstree

Role Reversal, or is it?

Our current family situation is similar to the one I read in the Washington Post.

My husband and I have a very traditional relationship except for one thing…our roles have been switched. It wasn’t always that way. When we married 12 years ago we were both making the same amount of money. He had his own business in a creative field and I had a job I really enjoyed working in finance. A few years and a couple of kids later we decided that it made sense for him to stay at home. I know that there are many people who can’t afford to have a parent stay at home with their kids, and we’re fortunate to be in the position we are in.

There is no doubt that I feel fortunate, but there is one thing I think doesn’t match up with me written in this article.

Our roles are NOT switched. She doesn’t do all the men stuff and I don’t do all the women stuff. In fact, they sort of overlap. The best way to explain it is that when we come back together as a family we slide back into our traditional roles. I drive on family road trips, she cooks on the weekends, I take out the trash and mow the lawn. I stack the firewood. She sews on buttons. The thing that is different is she heads off to her day job and I mope around the house getting the kids ready for school in the morning. Then I have my coffee, jump on the computer, read to the kids, make lunch, take them to the park, and do all the stuff you need to do to raise your children the best way you know how.

But when I do it I don’t act like a mom. I am just dad with the kids, but all week.

The following exerpt helps describe how things can get awkward, especially when dealing with other families:

Here’s the rub: People don’t know how to relate to us. My husband first encountered this when my eldest son started preschool. The moms bonded discussing childbirth as he stood on the outskirts with no real peer group.

It is much easier for women to find other women in the work place. It is quite normal these days to find both men and women working equally, but it is almost impossible to find other dads who stay home in your immediate surroundings. I can jump online and find them half way across the country but there aren’t many dads hanging out at the park midweek.

I am sure there are fortunate dads who stay home to find others in their area doing the same thing. Are you one of them?

Post from: Blisstree

A Traditional Family?