I’m trying to figure out what I think about dating anniversaries.

Some couples celebrate anniversaries while they are dating.  There seem to be a lot of variations in these anniversaries and I have no idea what the right answers are for determining these.  How often do you celebrate?  It could be every week, month, year?  And even more importantly, how do you decide on your official day to celebrate?  Is it the first meeting, date, kiss, night you slept together, or day you decided to be exclusive?

There are are really so many possible answers to all of these questions and infinite options.  It all seems to be very personalized for each couple.  Everyone has a little story about the day that they pick as their anniversary and they get to tell the story everytime they celebrate on their special day (so let’s hope that it’s more interesting than “the night we sealed the deal”).

So I’ve come to my decision about what I think about dating anniversaries:  they are a day to put aside to celebrate the romance in a relationship.

It is not official like a wedding anniversary, so there is no need to worry about cards or gifts for other people.  The dating anniversary is completely insular to the couple.  It is a day that couples program to fit what they agree upon in their relationship and they come together for a specific moment of romance.

If this is not something that you need or are looking for in a relationship, then you will probably find that you are one of the couples who doesn’t celebrate dating anniversaries.  If you are looking to add a little romance reminder into your dating relationship, then this is a great place to find it.

Image: sxc.hu

I read an interesting item today. It was an essay that is an excerpt from Andy Raskin’s memoir, The Ramen King & I: How the Inventor of Instant Noodles Fixed My Love Life, that was in the March 2009 issue of Women’s Health magazine.

In the essay, Andy talks about how when he assumes the role of “teacher” in a relationship, it inevitably leads to the downfall of that relationship.

I’ve had boyfriends who like to teach me things before. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.

I am the type of person who needs to read the directions a few times, who then needs to then learn by doing. I have to get my hands on it, whatever it is. I think that’s why I have problems with concepts like  finance - although I am a whiz at personal budgeting. If I had a model of the world and the banks and lots of little play money, I could probably figure it out.

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If you have been in a relationship with the same person for a long time then you eventually reach the point where you no longer have the spark of the initial romance and instead you probably find yourself sharing a life, but mostly just chugging along with your daily routines.  If you find that most of your conversations involve discussing utility bills and grocery lists, then you have probably reached this point.

I was searching around on the internet to find ideas for an article about how to bring back the romance to long term relationships, when I stumbled upon a very interesting calendar: The Ask Mars Venus Romance Planner.  This calendar has a specific idea for each day of the month, alternating between “Venusians” and “Martians”, that have the intention of bringing romance back into a relationship.

I had a very strong initial reaction to this “Romance Planner” that suggested things like:

“Tues, June 2:  The next time he upsets you, share your negative feelings in a centered way without blaming or being disapproving of him.”

“Fri, June 26:  The next time you have an argument, make your point, then tell him he’s forgiven. Don’t punish him by making him wonder.”

Yikes!  Those really struck me the wrong way!  Should women seriously take the advice to pick a day that dictates our behavior?  But then I started looking at some of the other suggestions:

“Tues, June 23:  Do her least favorite chore today - if you don’t know what that is, ask!”

“Wed, June 10:  Plan a weekend campout without the kids… Just you two together…you depend on each other for everything.”

Hmm maybe some of these ideas are actually kind of sweet…but does it make sense to try to complete one task everyday?  Is that too much or is that a valid way to re-introduce these types of elements back into your relationship?

Check out the Ask Mars Venus Romance Planner and tell me what you think…I’m still on the fence.

Image: sxc.hu

I hung out with my parents this weekend.

It’s really interesting how, when living with your parents, you are eager to get away from them, and then as soon as you move out, they become sort of…cool.

Anyway, in another one of my blogs, I am running a contest where readers have to share their most romantic moment. My mom told my dad about it, and said she had wanted to enter, but couldn’t think of a romantic moment to share.

They enjoyed a playful banter for the remainder of the day, where they each tried to conjure up a moment. The end result was that in thirty-two years of marriage, they had not had any moments.

I think the truth is that they have a constant moment - this is a couple that after three decades, still eats dinner together every night, and watches TV together each evening, and boast that they share a pillow.

I think just that they can’t pick out a specific moment sort of suggests they are never not romantic. Or maybe I’m just biased. :-

Image: Sxc.hu

Had drinks with a friend tonight. She’s been dating a guy who she met on Match around New Years, and for the most part, things have been going pretty well.

Except…

“Well, he’s really sweet, and generous, but kind of…boring.”

Apparently, my friend and this guy fell into a relationship about a week into dating. They never had the casual dating phase, but, rather, went from first date to sleepovers and having toothbrushes in each other’s apartments.

Hot?

Not.

“Most nights, we just sit on the couch side by side on our laptops and don’t even talk.”

My friend is rethinking the entire relationship, wondering if the price of achieving the comfort level has meant the honeymoon has ended before it ever even started - and while she wants to recapture the passion, she can’t actually remember it ever being there in the first place.

We know many marriages eventually become friendships. But can a relationship last if that’s all it really is to start out with?

Image: Sxc.hu

I am a massive fan of the love note.

Forget flowers, chocolates, and expensive presents. When it comes to offering a completely unprompted mini affection reminder, the love note makes everything okay.

Image: stock.xchng

When Paul and I first moved in together, he was still in school and had to leave extremely early in the morning - before I had a chance to wake up and say goodbye. Sure, there would be the groggy acknowledgment of his farewell (soon forgotten as I slipped back into a contented sleep-state), but that was it. Maybe I could have gotten up sooner and adjusted my schedule - but I was working late and doing my own schoolwork at night…so overall there was little we could do to make our daily routines work well together.

No big deal. Paul figured out a way around that.

Without ever really expressing my disappointment that a proper send off wasn’t going to happen at the hour he was leaving, Paul started leaving little sticky pad love notes on the wall above our bed. Simple sentiments, scribbled affection…yes, it was totally cheesy and wonderful and made me start every day with a smile. He loved leaving them for me and I loved waking up to a new pen color and way of saying ‘I love you’ every day.

It wasn’t ever something we really talked about. And since then our schedules have thankfully become far more similar and predictable on a day to day basis (as much as I adore love notes, I would rather have the real thing!). But here we are, several years later…and every once in a while I still get surprised with a love note. Under my keyboard, on the refrigerator, by the front door…it’s just our thing.

I read an article tonight that talked about Dr. Marco van Gelderen, a senior lecturer in the Department of Management and International Business, at Albany, who has done extensive research into the subject of dating as a service industry.

Dr. van Gelderen says the dating service industry has grown in recent years as a result of greater demand and rapidly evolving technology including the internet. But too many potential clients remain stuck in “singledom” because of a lack of industry awareness of their needs as well as ambivalence about using dating services.

“The dating industry has a number of special problems in being successful in connecting people,” says Dr van Gelderen. “First, people don’t like to admit that they are lonely. Loneliness is something that happens to other people.

“There is a social stigma to loneliness and even to being alone. There is also the perception that dating services are for losers.”

He interviewed many singles asking them questions about what factors affect attraction and dating. He wanted input that would help to create new ideas in the dating service industry. Some of the ideas that the Dr came up with include a combination dating and weight loss facility, blind-folded speed dating, and chatting about mundane, but commonly used products as a way to start conversation.

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Image via WikipediaOkay, so I’m sure you’re all aware of the Julia Roberts, Dermot Mulroney, Cameron Diaz and Rupert Everett flick My Best Friend’s Wedding, right? Well, I’m living it… sort of.

I’m the Julia Roberts character, of course. The neurotic, crazed, pact-making female friend, who spent years pining for a guy who is about to marry another woman. Yes, he’s also totally as hot as Dermot Mulroney is, even though I’m no Julia. Read more

Am I alone in hating these Nivea lip balm kissing commercials?

I know, I’m despising them for one very simple reason: I’m not getting kissed like that. I don’t know if I’ve been kissed like that in a very long time. In fact, I can sit here and quite fondly remember when I was kissed like that, by whom, and how much I absolutely fell in love with him when he did kiss me like that. And it was like, 9 years ago.

But I’m not being kissed like that NOW.
I haven’t been in a long time.

Damn these friggin’ romantic-y mushy love stuff commercials.

I know they’re ploy, too. They want me, little Miss Singledom, to sit here and think, “Oh wow, I should buy that crap because when I do, I’ll get kissed, just. Like. That.”

You know what? Eff them. I happen to have very pretty lips, soft and full. Any man would melt at the sheer thought of being able to kiss my lips. And I don’t need no stinkin’ Nivea lip balm to do it either, I tell ya.

Grr.

Image by Shutterhack via FlickrSometimes I seriously do just want to throw in the towel on the whole dating thing.

Other times, I find myself thinking, “Dammit, I deserve to be in love.”

Then I think, “Well, you’ve been in love, Lara. It’s never been anything but awful in return. Why bother?”

Sometimes I hate how other people who really don’t deserve to be happy, are.

Other times I feel like maybe their happiness is God’s way of making them be less like a piece of total poo in life. It’s handed to them for inspiration, for change, for growth.

Maybe I’m seriously okay where I am, with who I am. How is that possibly a bad thing? I thought that the best relationships came from two people who were completely comfortable in their own skins (metaphorically speaking, and physically speaking). I thought that even though I’m not “the perfect woman” that someday some less-than-perfect-guy would find me, and we could be perfect for each other.

I know, I’m rambling. It’s 630 in the morning, I’ve been up for over 2 hours for some reason (I think I’m coming down with a cold) and my brain is just full of mixed up emotions.

Add to that, I’ve discovered that it’s possible my ex has a new girlfriend. He’s the biggest prick on the planet, and he’s got a new girlfriend. From what I hear, she’s a sweetheart, too. Like, really a genuinely nice person. Part of me thinks, “Oh shit, he’s going to ruin another good woman,” and the other part of me thinks, “What if she’s the one who changes him? What if she succeeds in proving to him that love is worth it, when I couldn’t do that? What would that say about me? Would it prove I’m not worth it?”

Just major amounts of emotions going through me, and before you start thinking that I’m not over my ex, believe me, I totally am. I wouldn’t take him back if he really DID make a 180. But I don’t know if I’m over all that he did to me… all that I allowed to go down in our relationship. Oh, and the fact that our would-have-been-a-year-anniversary was two days ago means nothing.

Really.