So why should you read it? Read on…

My husband, in fact, has brought up divorce for other reasons. I am not totally sure which ones, to be honest, but I think it is career related since I have a great career and his sort of stalled when he became a stay-at-home dad and then went to hell from there.

I know that there are a lot of stay-at-home dads. But while it may seem like there are a lot who are happy, I think it’s really just that every single one of the happy ones is blogging.

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Post from: Blisstree

The Myth of the Stay at Home Dad

A ‘true’ father is much more than your child’s friend. Your love, commitment to and involvement in your daughter’s life is unshakeable. Whatever happens, you will be there for her, as long as you live. So, you have to be kinder, and more forgiving, than any friend would possibly be. Also, to do your job, you have to sometimes be tougher than any friend would risk being.

There will be times when your daughter will not like what you say, or what you do or what you insist she does. A true father expects and teaches his daughter to be a cooperative member of the family, who keeps her agreements, treats others with respect, is thoughtful in any situation and pulls her weight regardless of the circumstances.

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Post from: Blisstree

Being a True Father

“Originally it was designed to just be a local thing,” says Todd Krater, a stay-at-home Lakemoor father who organized Dadstock. “It’s starting to snowball.”

I know Todd from the Dad Stays Home Forum, and he then began inviting anybody who could actually show up. Unfortunately I was unable to attend as it was a long ways from my house and it would have meant bringing all 5 of the kids. Probably an expensive trip no doubt.

About 20 dads from as far-flung as Massachusetts and New Jersey have RSVP’d to the event, which came about from an idea Krater had as the moderator of an online forum for stay-at-home dads.

Krater, who works from home and is the primary caregiver to his two sons, says the online community gives him and fellow dads a way to keep in touch and make friends. Dadstock is an extension of those Web sites, among them dadstayshome.com. Interested stay-at-home dads can visit that site for more information.

For those who were looking for events all day long, Todd wanted to make sure people knew what this event was really about. Us dads who stay home with kids can sorta understand.

“It’s going to be mostly hanging out,” Krater says of Dadstock. “A lot of it’s just going to be talking.”

Those conversations can be tough to have among men with firsthand experience of childcare, Krater says, remembering a recent dinner out with other stay-at-home dads.

“We were sitting there eating pizza and drinking beer and talking about diaper rash and potty training,” he says with a laugh. “That’s just how it goes.”

Maybe next year I can show up to it. Glad everyone had a good time.

Post from: Blisstree

Dadstock Gets Media Coverage

A great and honorable thing you can do as a husband is to encourage your wife when things seem to get a bit on the downswing of things. Life, and especially married life, can be real tricky. Cory gives 6 tips such as:

1) Nagging Is NOT Encouraging
2) Learn Your Spouse
3) Ask, “How Can I Help?”
4) Know When to Shut Up
5) Take Turns
6) Celebrate Success

Read his full article

Post from: Blisstree

Encourage Your Spouse

1. LEGOS. The Geek is really more of a Man-Child than an adult. In their minds, they are still 10. They freakin’ still love to play with their legos, and have never grown up. I have one friend, WHO WILL REMAIN NAMELESS, that still has legos in his room. He doesn’t have kids. Just legos. Of course, my children love legos and Steve will lovingly spend hours playing legos with them.

2. VIDEO GAMES. Due to the whole Man-Child thing as stated in #1, the Geek loves video games. And he’s good at them too. My husband is the hit of all the kids’ friends because not only can he talk video games, he plays them too. If my children get “stuck” while playing their Gameboys and bring it to me for assistance, all I can do is feebly hold it and say ” Mommy doesn’t know how to play this.” Daddy, however, can beat the game.

3. MATH. A huge plus here. No matter how old they get, Steve can still help with the math homework. My ability to be of assistance is going to last another few years before *I* end up throwing the math homework across the room in disgust.

4. SMART KIDS. Smart Geeks make smart children. Although for the most part, it’s great to have really intelligent children, when your just turned two year old is using the word PREPOSTEROUS correctly, it makes for some difficult times as they get older. I literally spend a large part of my time scheming to stay one step ahead of my oldest child.

5. UP ON TECHNOLOGY. The beautiful thing about having a Geek for a parent is that you aren’t wondering what your children are doing online. You *KNOW* what they are doing online and you can limit it if necessary.
It’s fabulous peace of mind.

6. SCIENCE FAIR PROJECTS. Children of the Geeks always have the coolest science fair projects. And you don’t have to cajole your Geek into helping. You’ll find him fiddling around with the science materials whether you asked him to help or not.

7. TOY ASSEMBLY. You will never, ever have to spend six hours of your life, that you will never get back, trying to assemble some 2,000 piece toy at 3 am on Christmas Eve again. The Geek can do it in minutes flat. Usually without the directions. Whereas I have tried to assemble toys and said “Mommy has to go to the bathroom” just so I could escape and scream into my pillow in frustration, if the Geek is around, he can take it right off your hands. I now just say “Daddy is really good at this, let’s wait until he gets home.”

8. GADGETS. Never again will you have to wonder what that new electronic toy is that all the kids have. In fact, your Geek will probably already own it. The problem arises when the Geek won’t share with the children. “Daddy, I want a digital camera.” After the child leaves the room: “I’m not spending hundreds of dollars on a digital camera for him, he’s too young.” I say “Let’s get him a cheap one.” Steve looks at me as if I just said Aliens are invited to dinner. ” To have it take crappy pictures?” He scoffs and walks away in disgust. No sub-par electronics in this house! How dare I suggest it.

9. SMART IS COOL. Having a Geek for a father instills the message into your children that smart is cool. They idolize Daddy. Hopefully, they’ll want to grow up to be just like him.

10. BEING IDOLIZED IS GOOD FOR YOUR GEEK. Course, you have to be careful that his head doesn’t get TOO BIG. That’s why I blog. Gotta keep his ego in check SOMEHOW.

Post from: Blisstree

Do Geeks Make Better Dads?

So this was a great change and happy to see it.

One of the things on the list does not pertain to me and that is “resident car mechanic”. Sorry I am a terrible mechanic. I just spent the last hour and a half uninstalling a dishwasher and putting in a new one. I still have a slow drip at the end of my water hose. The drain hose seems to be all set up nice a tight. I still need to hard wire it. For those who have done this before it should only take 30 minutes tops.

Even though I am not very mechanical I do see where that list can pertain to most families with Stay at Home Dads.

Post from: Blisstree

Being Appreciative of Your Stay at Home Dad

So what happened to mommy? Well we weren’t completely sure for a while but Brian made an appearance at the SuperNanny Rules blog only to tell us mommy lives 20 minutes away. I guess she stops in from time to time to see the kiddos and check in on the family. Well how awfully nice of her. I am glad she is thinking of others.

Here is his entire comment he left:

Yes, my confidence is back Our family has never been better, thanks for the compliments. Their mother pops in and out from now and then and they do crave her attention. Pretty sad, because she lives only 20 minutes away. I’m still a little shy, but this show has really, really helped me reach out to neighbors and even strangers too who’ve seen us on TV. I’m very glad we did it!

It’s funny how the stereotypical single parent household is mommy stuck with the 4 kids. This time it is dad, and I am sure he is doing a fine job, especially after being on the show and getting some tips.

But the interesting spin to all this is that Brian wasn’t given so much parenting advice but rather help on getting out and finding friends. As part of the show he was introduced to neighbors and people who live close by in order to help him come in contact with adults. Apparantly the wife doesn’t come by too often as they made it out to be.

I sure wish Brian would join some groups or at least come online and join some virtual dad communities. There is always the Dad Stays Home forum community that is a great outlet for what we do. Not only a great outlet but a plac to ask advice from other dads and share stories.

Post from: Blisstree

Super Nanny Fans

I think this is a great idea, especially where there are more and more blogs out there related to dads and parenting. By narrowing his target audience we can all find good articles that relate so closely to our interests.

Some challenges he will face are competing with the big boys and getting others to trust his site. The good part is when we bookmark our articles we are not limited to just one bookmarking site and therefore people can submit to several of them.

I wish Don the best with this and I personally plan to use it often.

Post from: Blisstree

Dadstayshome.com Becomes a Bookmarking Site for Dads

Over at Dad Center, Todd Krater who authors the A Man Among Mommies blog, writes an article about how it feels to be a stay at home father. It is worth a read.

What I did not realize was that I apparently had some terrible disfigurement that scared the local moms away. If I did not make it a point to go to the park when others did, my son would have never seen another child outside of his brother. After a few months it became clear that many of the moms were ignoring me, and the dads thought I was lazy. Even though I actually work from home, I would get comments like Mr. Mom , Work from home? Yeah, OK. and so on.

Read full article

Post from: Blisstree

A Man Among Mommies

First and foremost, having this position feels sometimes like listening to that Oasis song, Wonderwall over and over and over and over and over again, all day long for days on end. Listening to it once isn’t so bad but once the song ends you are happy it has ended.

I love my kids and I actually wouldn’t trade what I am doing now for anything in the world but let me tell ya… getting out on that one hour walk at the end of the day is a much needed event waiting to happen. Just as Family Phil mentioned just recently, there are things I do envy about working dads. He noted the lack of adult interaction. I do agree and that comes in at a close 2nd, but what drives me nuts and is on the top of my list is that there is simply no change. There is no break from it. You can do all you can to change the environment like bringing the kids to the park, taking them sledding, etc… but the underlying fact of it all is no matter where you are you still are stuck with the basic fundamentals of parenting and being the good dad that you are which is extremely exhausting.

The working father can have a bad day at the office and come home to not only a new scene, but an entirely different fundamental formula. Let’s put it this way… the working father is like having to listen to several bad songs over and over again. At least they know when the song is over they don’t have to hear that same song again for awhile.

As a Stay at Home Dad that song never changes and plays over and over again in your head. When “normal” dads are driving home from work, I remain in my current SAHD state of mind and continue until my head hits the pillow, and sometimes it doesn’t even go away then. And when the rare occasion comes and a mediocre song plays it is like the sweetest melody you have ever heard.

But don’t take it the wrong way. I love what I do, it is just a very challenging thing to do… and requires some inward strength to use coping mechanisms that will allow you to keep and control your own sanity.

This is day 1 of vacation week for my kids. Wish me the best.

Post from: Blisstree

Playing to the Same Beat