For him, it’s really the first time in quite a long time that he can go out and do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, as toward the end, my mother couldn’t be left alone. Due to my duties as the Sandwich Generation Poster Child, I couldn’t always be there to give him a break in caregiving duties, so that meant that sometimes there were days he couldn’t leave the house at all.

Anyway, before my mother became extremely ill, it was our custom to visit with my parents on the weekends. However, it was my mother that was usually the driving force behind that. Yes, I am very fortunate that my parents live less than 10 miles from us.

Now that things have evened out for my father, we really haven’t resumed the routine of the weekend visit. You have to remember that this is the South, and, it’s just what we do. We “visit” on Sundays.

I have to confess, though, the weekly visiting wasn’t always convenient for us, either. With both of us working and the kids’ schedules, time to do general activities of daily living is/was limited and we need some time to do them. Heck, it may not have been for my mother, either, I dunno, it’s just what we did.

Before you write me off as a ungrateful stereotype, I wasn’t always sure if my dad was really wanting to make some of the visits, either, due to his work load (he’s a teacher). Yes, I know it’s important and that, in the end, time with loved ones is the only thing that matters, but, in the here and now, laundry, homework, groceries, and, basic lawn maintainence ranks right up there.

Good grief, where am I going with this? *pours another cup of coffee*

OK, here we go, getting to the point now…

I’m still trying to figure out what sort of routine we should have about “visiting” and doing things on the weekends. I’m still trying to decide if I should propose activities with him or if he’s liking not having any comittments.

“Just ask him!” you are saying (why yes, I can hear you through the keyboard). You have to understand that he is such a nice person, he’ll agree to most anything, but, I’m suspicious that regular, unstructured time with us and our screaming children is not his thing. Football season was nice because I know he likes football and going to my son’s games, but, we’re between sports at the moment, so there’s no built in activity to propose.

We’ll figure it out, but, I just don’t want to get into some routine that we are both merely tolerating for the sake of the other, but, I also don’t want to find out later that he’s at home wishing we’d call or something.

Post from: Blisstree

On new routines

Several of his friends from his previous career (before he became a teacher) are female, and, I’ve known them since I was a child. I’ve never really thought much about it.

He has lunch with this group a few times a year, and, the other day, one of the ladies called to set it up. I answered the phone, and, she identified herself, and, I handed the phone to him. Since I was in the next room, I heard part of the conversation and heard him laugh and say, “OK, I’ll tell her.”

The message was for him to make sure to tell me that she was calling about their regular lunch and to assure me that she wasn’t just some lady calling an eligible (if you are new to these parts, my mother died in July) man.
Heh, it never even crossed my mind until she said it.

Right after my mother died, a family friend made sure to tell me that she was putting the dinner she made him in a disposable container because she was worried that it would “look improper” if she put it in something she needed back.

Apparently, the guise of a single female picking up Tupperware from a bereaved male is a big pick-up m.o. with the geriatric set.

Which brings me to the fact that I suppose it wouldn’t be impossible for my father to have a date someday. Though I doubt he will date (I’ll explain in a minute), oddly enough, I think I’d be OK with it. Then again, who knows how I’d react.

I don’t think he will date (OK, now it’s sounding weird as I write about it) because his own father remarried at age 78 or something like that. My dad’s stepmother is still alive if you can believe that, but, she was never really close to my father and uncle, and, now she no longer recognizes many people.

It’s kind of a pain because she has many of the family heirlooms, and, is apparently planning to leave them to her niece. It’s not contentious or anything, but, history is very important to my father, and, there’s some things that are valuable to him that he is not going to be able to get.

So, though there’s a big difference between dating and marriage, I really think that (other than the fact that he was happily married to my mother for 50 years) will be a big reason he won’t do it.

However, if nothing else, I have learned about the Tupperware excuse. I’ll be sure to keep it in mind if I ever need it when I’m in my seventies.

Post from: Blisstree

The Dating Game

In honor of the upcoming Carnival of the Mission Statement for b5 Media’s Family and Relationship Channel, I present to you GenBetween’s reason for being:

GenBetween.com explores the issues related to being part of the “Sandwich Generation” through firsthand experience, discussion and analysis of media coverge, in order to inform and support readers whose lives are touched simultaneously by aging and childhood.

As a recovering Hospital Administrati, I seriously thought my mission statement writing gene had gone recessive, but, apparently, it can express itself when needed. Even if it is kind of mutant.

Go over to Widow’s Quest to the carnival and check out the rest of the Family and Relationship reasons for being.

Post from: Blisstree

Mission: Statement

Seventy-four years old, less than 3 weeks out from a lumbar laminectomy and returning to work teaching high school. I’d say that’s pretty good.

The dog? Dunno. No worse, I suppose, but, when you’re 119 years old, it’s hard to tell.

Post from: Blisstree

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s back to work he goes