But, as far as resolutions pertaining to the topic of me being in the Sandwich Generation go, there’s one thing I want to learn to do: accept things the things I can’t change.

When my mother was sick, I spent a lot of time worrying about various scenarios, and outcomes. It’s just the way I am. Each time I’d get myself worked up about something, my husband would try to help me remember that, “whatever happens, happens.” When I really worked at it, this brought me comfort.

Funny, it sounds a lot like the Serenity Prayer, which, as a Friend of Bill, my mother understood, but, I still have trouble with it.

Maybe this will be my year.

Post from: Blisstree

Resolution for the New Year

Like many people, my father is a big e-mail forwarder. I accept it because, well, he’s actually using e-mail, and, his place of employment is probably pretty good about that.

I have been unconsciously monitoring the dates and times of his e-mails noting when he’s home, how late he stays up, and, since he’s had a cold, if he has been going to work. Sure, I could just call him, and, we speak about every other day, but, it just made me laugh when I realized what I was doing.

Post from: Blisstree

E-mail monitoring

And of course, my parents’ generation tend to hold physicians in awe, so if the doctor says they’re OK, they must be.

But if I’m there and ask the same question, it gets attention. And if I ask for a test, x-ray or treatment, they’ll often agree.

I didn’t really think to go with my mother when she was still driving, but, I went a lot after she stopped since I was the one taking her.

I can say that the doctors sometimes listened to me about testing and medicines, but, I’m pretty sure it was because they wanted me to go away and leave them alone

Post from: Blisstree

Attending doctor’s appointments with your aging parent

There’s no doubt that Brenda Rice is part of the sandwich generation. Make that a triple-decker sandwich.

In addition to caring for her mother, who has severe dementia, Brenda baby-sits daily for her year-old grandson. On top of that, her 17-year-old son still lives at home.

I was going to say, “I don’t see how she does it”, but, I know when people have said that to me, it just seems so odd. Everyone has their own reality, and, sure, there are times when it’s really, really hard. But, you just do it.

What other choice is there, really?

Post from: Blisstree

A Triple Decker Sandwich

We had a great time catching up, and, then I realized the reason for her visit. Her father is ill, they don’t know what’s wrong, and, it doesn’t sound too good. With a small child at home, she is just beginning this familiar (to me) journey of the unknown. Her father and my mother were friends, too.

Somewhere along the line, when my mother was so sick, I was trying to find something good about it all, and, I told myself that I would remember everything, and, I would be there to help someone else through it when it was their turn.

So, it’s my friend’s turn. Now, I just gotta convince her that she wants my help

Post from: Blisstree

I’m going to help you whether you want it or not

I have been thinking about the approaching season in vague terms, making a mental note to put “deal emotionally with holidays”, but, I haven’t really done much else.

Imagine my surprise when, Halloween, the questionable member of the “holiday” clan, got me.

We took the kids Trick or Treating at my dad’s house as has been our custom for years. While sitting there in his living room watching the kids play and trade candy, it was so glaring that my mother wasn’t there, it about knocked me over.

My dad stepped up to the plate and gave out candy and asked them about their costumes (not really something that comes naturally to him), but, the room that was full of people just seemed so empty at the same time.

I know we won’t be the only people who have ever gone through this, and, that it will be OK, it’s just that it really violated my mental agenda, and, I don’t do well with that.

Post from: Blisstree

The holidays approacheth

Some of you may be following the saga over at my other place, but, essentially, my father’s back is getting worse and worse. As a matter of fact, he can’t walk and is using a wheelchair right now.

He had an epidural steroid injection on Wednesday that, so far is no help, but, we’ll see. He’s missed 3 days of work (he teaches high school) which never happens.

I had no idea he missed work, despite the fact that I talk to him at least once a day. I figured it out when he sent me an e-mail in the middle of the day earlier this week.Since he really had to go back to work, I took him, wheelchair and all, to school and picked him up this afternoon.

Also, unbeknownst to him, I had a talk with the school staff and they are going to let me know if he’s missing school for anything, since, obviously, he’s not going to tell me.

The cliche part of my life came when I had him and The Preschooler Formerly Known as Busy Baby in the car this afternoon and we were looking for someplace to eat dinner. Since it’s Friday evening, every place was crowded, so we got something from a drive-thru and came back to may dad’s house.

The drive-thru took forever, so, I found myself managing a cranky 74 year old and a 4 year old, hoping they didn’t fight with each other. We came back to his house where I have served dinner to them both, washed dishes, played outside, done laundry, trimmed the hedges (long story), emptied the trash, fixed the computer, and, changed the bed.

It’s 8pm and I haven’t been home since 6:15 this morning.

Nah, I don’t resent it, it’s not all gloom and doom or anything, It’s just what I do. However, I am a bit tired and I need to watch myself so I don’t ask my father if he “went potty” yet.

Post from: Blisstree

Hi, there!

I couldn’t imagine, but, I know there are many people out there who are doing it, and, it could be me someday. It’s easy to look at that as a huge stressor, and, often it may be, but, I really liked this columnist’s take on the situation where she finds herself as a Dagwood, a helicopter parent, and, a member of the “boomerang” club.

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Label her anything, but, “alone”

Look at the 2 reasons for doing away with your bone-creaking, wheelchair bound parents in today’s culture:

An “social” burden. Unfortunately, there are loads of kids in this category. There are many of you who just can’t be bothered repaying the care your parents provided you. You have an important career and make good money. You have high society friends. But you are simply too preoccupied with your social engagements that your aging parents have become an inconvenience to you. At times, you’re even slightly embarrassed to be seen with them. You’d rather spend your free time with your partner clubbing the nights away, when you’re not too busy working and traveling. You’d rather play golf with your buddies instead of taking your parents out for a walk in the park. Basically you’ve forgotten what your parents gave up in order to raise you. You don’t even bother about them anymore.

A “true” burden. But there are some of you who are really struggling to juggle between taking care of parents and your own harsh lives. You are so busy making ends meet that it’s virtually impossible to take good quality care of your parents. And so, with a heavy heart and sincere pledge to visit as much as you can, you ship them off to an old folks’ home. It not a decision you can easily forgive yourself, but it’s certainly the best alternative for the time being. Until you sort out your own mess.

So, what excuse do you have if you find yourself belonging to the “social” burden category of useless kids?

Though there are as many different situations as there are families, sadly, there are some (I’d like to hope few) people who, though they have the means, simply won’t step up and be responsible.

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A burden?

I’m not sure what I would do if I were a hiring manager and got a call from the parents of an adult job candidate!

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The changing workforce