Frequently, she accepts a date and then immediately regrets it. That’s when the panic starts. How am I going to get out of it? Why did I say yes? I’m not really attracted to this guy, she will say. I tell her that she does not have to accept just because she is asked. She does not owe anyone a date.

Sometimes she will decide that no, she is not going out with a guy and she will have a good reason…he lives too far away and she would never relocate to his area, he drinks too much, he is too young, he is too old, but then  somehow she finds that she has agreed to plans at a later date.

I think that part of the reason this happens is that women are conditioned to be polite. We want to give someone the benefit of the doubt. We don’t want to appear cold or unfeeling or bitchy.  There has to be a balance.

I think we need to listen to our gut more. Have an open mind. Maybe a guy has more to offer than we thought. For example, he might be willing to relocate if you don’t like where he lives, he’s actually closer to your age than he looks, whatever, but don’t settle if it feels like “settling.” 

Any advice for my friend?  I tell her to say, “No, thank you.”  If she needs to elaborate, she can say, “I’m taking a break from dating.”  She’s not being impolite by refusing. Saying no in the beginning stings a whole lot less than a breakup farther down the line.

Image credit: Sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

It’s Okay To Say No

I’m sure many of you can relate to this:  some days you just feel like your life is on permanent fast forward.  Everything goes too darn fast.  And yet, there’s still no time.  No time for hobbies, for love, for real relationships… Certainly no time just to sit and do nothing (without feeling guilty!)

This kind of hurried life can cause plenty of problems, too.  For me, it added to health issues.  I had to slow down because my body just couldn’t keep up.  For others, it may mean you don’t have the same quality relationship with your spouse, or even that your kids are as stressed as you are.

I caught this interesting article that talked about the effects of a life zipping by too fast, and one of the things it mentioned was Hurried Woman’s Syndrome.  It said:

“Women who try to do too many things at once—juggling work with hectic home life—complain of chronic stress, tiredness, weight gain, sleep problems, guilt, knackered self-esteem.

They suffer, according to Dr. Brent Bost, from hurried woman syndrome.”

The remedy for this is simply slowing down.  But it’s easier said than done.  It takes a concentrated effort.  But once you master it, you won’t want to go back.

I had to adjust my life at first because of health reasons.  But now, I protect my time and that of my family.  I don’t over schedule.  In some cases, that’s meant we don’t socialize as much as we used to.  We had some friends that we saw once in a while that constantly caused us stress.  But we worked to fit them into our social calendar.  Now, we don’t.  (And haven’t missed them.)

Instead, we focus on those rare friendships that are special.  We spend quality time with people that care about us.  We work to make our holidays less hectic.  We even use caution when it comes to getting into new TV shows or hobbies.    We also purposely don’t schedule activities as often as we did before.  We choose plays or flea markets (or whatever we truly love) over those things that would have us stuck in traffic and feeling rushed.  We rarely schedule anything for during the week.

Basically, we guard our schedule as if it’s the most precious thing around.  It’s not something I’ve always done.  But now that I have this mindset, I really see the difference in how much calmer I am.

What about you?  Are you suffering from “Hurried Woman’s (or Men’s) Syndrome”?  If so, what steps can you take to slow down?

Image from Morguefile.

Post from: Blisstree

Avoid Hurried Woman’s Syndrome