“Can I tell Paul?”

Usually people will laugh and say, “Of course you can tell Paul. I kind of expected that you would.”

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But occasionally the person I am talking to will shake their head and be firm about not wanting anyone, even Paul, to know. I can’t stand that tug and pull between my friend and my spouse, who I very much do not keep secrets from.

It would be so much easier if during the wedding ceremony and in the thank you cards, we all reminded our loved ones that this person we live with and hang out with all the time – yeah, we’re going to tell him/her everything. Expect that if you tell me, he will know within the next 1-3 hours. If I think he won’t really care, I might save this new information for when we’re brushing our teeth. But if it’s something he will find equally as juicy, I’m probably calling him on my way home.

Now, just because I can’t keep a secret, that does’t mean we both can’t. We’re a team, a pair, a couple of people who share everything with one another. So really, my friends and family should be thanking me and Paul for having each other…that way the temptation to tell someone is out of our systems and safely left between the two of us.

Post from: Blisstree

Do You And Your Spouse Have Secrets?

Most recently I’ve been trying so hard to explain to the kids that a joke is NOT good if it’s at the expense of someone else. I have encouraged them to joke all they want if the person being offered up as humors sacrificial lamb is their own self.

Why is it that this particular lesson is nearly impossible to sink in?

I’ve also tried to explain to them that when people live in the same house – there’s bound to be goods that are kept on each person within that house and at the very least, everyone will know those extreme “Hot Buttons” to push when they are backed in a corner.

Well, we’ve learned a strong lesson in this whole issue this week.

It seems one of my boys tried to be funny – made fun of another for something cosmetic and that in turn escalated to each one bringing out the big guns – the deepest, darkest secret that you just don’t want people knowing.

Granted that dark secret is nothing more than a boy being a boy – but when you are 14 and 15, it seems like you are the only person on the planet to do something so embarrassing.

And here I thought having boys was going to be FAR less dramatic. Yeah Right!

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Teen Lessons Learned the Hard Way

I also remember the day we found out that my dad was gay. It was a year after my parents split up. My dad was away on business, as usual. My mom sat us down, again, in the living room. She began by telling us that she had some suspicions toward my dad and his recent interests. She divulged that she had hired a private detective to follow my dad. Her findings were congruent with those suspicions. He had been sleeping with men. Again, I was left in a fog. I could not grasp the idea of my dad, a true blue family man a conservative Christian and wonderful father, leading a life that contradicted so much of what he had raised us to believe. I still wonder how any person can decide to make such a radical life change in the midst of raising a family. Yet, I know that it happens everyday.

My mom was always very open with us, throughout the divorce process. So was my dad.  Mom shared her feelings of confusion, feelings of inadequacy and anger towards my dad for leaving her to pick up the pieces while he gallivanted around the country in search of selfish pleasures. He was still our dad, but he was not the dad we knew. My dad was always more than willing to share his side of the story. From what I gather, they love and respect each other, but did not have a great marriage. My dad decided to pursue a life that, he claims, had been his true identity since birth. He still loves us. I believe that. Will I ever fully comprehend how he hid his true feelings for 41 years, only to decide that the right time to live his truth was right smack dab in the middle of our childhood? Probably not. I don’t obsess over it. It does, however, make me wonder how many parents are stifling their true identities because they made the choice to have children and commit to a marriage that they do not belong to, whole heartedly. I’m willing to bet that it happens a lot more than you and I would suspect.

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Daddy’s Alter Ego

Post from: Blisstree

To Tell The Truth