Many years ago in the transitional period between college and “real life” I found myself floundering around a bit and was falling into the common problem of questioning who I was if I was alone away from a boyfriend or close friends and family.  This period of life is definitely extremely challenging and can result in intense feelings of loneliness, low self-confidence, and depression.  It’s common during this time to search online and in books for self-help resources and bits of advice to give yourself direction through this confusing time.  You might find something in your searching that really relates to your situation and helps you to feel stronger when you are down.

I came across a few little colorful cards with statements on them during that time that I posted on my wall because they reminded me of the importance of being strong and independent.  I came across these cards recently and I wanted to share them because even now just reading them reminds me that just saying the words out loud can sometimes have a big effect on how you feel about yourself.  Here are my special cards:

• My positive thoughts create a positive life.
• You can reshape your thinking so that you never have to think in negatives again.  You and only you choose your thoughts.
• My destiny is mine to control.
• When you acquire enough inner peace and feel really positive about yourself, it’s almost impossible for you to be controlled and manipulated by anybody else.
• When you are at peace with yourself and love yourself, it is virtually impossible to be self-destructive.
• I love myself — body, mind, and soul.

These statements are so simple, but so strong!  If you find yourself in a lonely place where you might be struggling with a recent break-up or living in a new city by yourself, try reading these statements and see if they can bring some strength to you as well.

Post from: Blisstree

It All Starts With Loving Yourself

If you are somebody who already has those things, please, please email me any advice or suggestions you might have. Click on the word “email” right after my name (Michelle Smith).  If it’s okay to use your name when I share your suggestions, then please let me know and if you don’t want me to use your name, then really, really let me know. 

What do you think? Do you think we can come together and figure this whole love thing out?  Or do you think that I have finally, totally lost it? 

Post from: Blisstree

I’m On A Mission…………

I’ve been thinking a lot about the state of being single, about how it can sometimes be viewed as “less than,” and how that idea sucks. I have questioned if the time between visits with my guy is filler, if I’m “killing time” until he can swoop into town and make me “whole” again.

No, that’s not it – it can’t be it. What a waste of a good life that would be.

I stay busy, I take care of my kids and my home and my work. I take pictures and read books and write on my laptop. I chat with my neighbors and my friends. I feel the full range of emotions – happy, sad, mad, whatever – and he’s absent throughout it all. Except, in a way he’s always there, at the back of my mind and as much as I love him, it bugs me that I don’t forget about him more.

Yesterday, I rushed home from work so that I could spend an hour relaxing on a raft in the creek with my daughter, Bay, and her friend, Kimm. Both girls – lovely, smart, funny teens – are single. It struck me how content the girls were to float along, fine hanging out with me – the mom. I hate to admit this, but I’m going to do it anyway…when I was their age, most of the things that I did, they were done with a boy in mind. Hanging out with somebody’s mom on the creek, I would have felt that something was missing, I would have been floating there with one eye on the bridge, watching for a cute guy to ride by on his bike.

Now, adult me, I’m fine without the boy. I have to be, he’s hours and hours away. I see him rarely and I refuse to waste this good life of mine, but it took me a long time to get here. These girls, they are already “here.”

Bay, she drives me crazy sometimes with her attitude and the way she works so hard in an attempt to make the world revolve around her. I worry about the way she lives in the now and doesn’t worry about the future. Then, there are moments like the one at the creek and I see this self-confidence that I did not have at that age. She’s content to be on her own, she’s not sweating the boy stuff. It might not sound like much, but to me it’s huge. She doesn’t feel “less than” anything and neither am I.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Lesson Learned From My Daughter

Today I was looking into the book, “Make Every Man Want You (or Make Yours Want You More): How To Be So Damn Irresistible You’ll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself!” by Marie Forleo. I recently read an excerpt from the book in an article on AOL (Unattractive Women Habits – AOL Health). The article explained the ways in which women act unattractively; being needy, down-playing their looks, worrying about what they aren’t rather than what they are, etc. When we do this, when we question our worth, looks, whatever – we are dimming our own light. This supports my theory about men looking for a woman who is confident.

Some insights from the book include:

“Know this, your irresistibility is greatest when you are present, and free from mental chatter. That’s because the fullness and glory of your being is showing through… It is timeless and beautiful….It needs nothing and seeks no approval…”

“The mind is not usually supportive of your irresistibility. It likes to talk about your mistakes…”

It’s about understanding your reality, embracing it, and moving on. To be successfully irresistible, you need to be in touch with the “is-ness,” of you – accept what is, don’t worry about what is not. This makes perfect sense to me. When my boyfriend and I fell in love last Summer, I was feeling in harmony with my life. It wasn’t perfect, but I focused on three things to make it feel like it was; perspective, flexibility, and grace. If I was upset about something, felt stuck in some way, I did my best to be flexible, to wiggle it around until it felt comfortable – I changed my perspective. I accepted that yes, this is my lot in life and I would go about each day with as much grace as possible. For example, no I did not have bags of money, but I was free to go hang out at the creek, floating on my raft for an hour, enjoying the sounds of the birds and feeling the sun on my face, if I wanted to. Acceptance of your is-ness, it’s powerful.

What do you think? What are you looking for in a woman or a man? Are you in harmony with your is-ness?

Post from: Blisstree

How To Be Irresistible