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Post from: Blisstree

YOU – in a Book

Yesterday we talked about Hillary’s big social crime, which is to play men’s games by men’s rules rather than to attempt to play them with feminine roles.

I was reading Leslie Bennett’s FEMININE MISTAKE, THE: ARE WE GIVING UP TOO MUCH? last night and she made a point applicable to Hillary.

“Conveying their strengths and attainments to others is so far from the expected female style of self-effacement that women experience it as ‘bragging’ – in other words, socially unacceptable boastfulness. . . For middle-class American women, the constraint is clear: talking about your own accomplishments in a ways that calls attention to yourself is not acceptable . . . Girls are supposed to be ‘humble’ – not try to take the spotlight, emphasize the ways they are just like everyone else, and de-emphasize the ways they are special.”

One of Hillary’s big sins against the feminine ideal is that she doesn’t self-deprecate.

Women aren’t supposed to like themselves. Notice this the next time you get together with your girls. See who, if anyone, says something good about themselves.

As an experiment I’ve been saying good things about myself when around other women – it’s usually met with a pregnant pause.

Last month at my book club a friend was very delicately telling me I need better photos on my blog and should really invest in a good camera.

I realize that, I told her. I’m an excellent photographer. I’ve won awards for photography and it’s embarrassing for me to put so-so or crappy pictures up. But, I’m a camera snob – I want one that will let me use my creative skills with a zoom lens and I’m not going to settle for the $100 piece of crap we can afford to buy right now.

Pregnant pause.

What did I do? I complimented myself without shame. Women don’t know what to do with that because what I’m supposed to say, by social contract, is that I’m such a loser, a mediocre photographer, too lazy or maybe I should take a class.

I get a similar reaction when I compliment my own breasts instead of one-uping another woman’s dislike of her own thighs.

What does Hillary do? She says she’s the best – not only better than all the other women, but she says, boldly and in public, that’s she’s better than even the best man up there.

I’m excellent at foreign-policy. I’ve got the best healthcare plan. I can balance the budget better than he can. I am the best person for the job. I’m the most qualified candidate.

With self-deprecation as our national feminine pass-time where women call themselves “loser mom” for a simple mistake and not meeting up to an ideal of perfection, where one can’t speak to other women without telling each other how imperfect and fallible they are, Hillary’s confidence breaks all the rules.

Watching some women criticize Hillary is like a flashback to mean girl drama of the the 7th grade, “You’re so conceited!”

I hope she wins. If only, so she can show us how to grow a self esteem.

Image source: Newscom.com

Post from: Blisstree

Hillary’s “Feminine Ideal” Sin

read an article in O Magazine about weight loss, “I Was A 51-Year-Old Desk Muffin” by Pulitzer Prize winner Geraldine Brooks, with disdain.

The entire article was self-flagulation and self-deprecation for being, according to the BMI Calculator a NORMAL WEIGHT.

Guess how much the self-discribed “aging hippo” weighed? 123 pounds. She was 5′2″ and over the course of 23 years she gained a whopping 19 pounds. Big Freaking Whoop!

Negative terms she used to describe her normal body were: brandy snifter, Bosc pear, pear-shaped corpse, slightly mushy 123 pound pear, aging hippo, curvaceous deposit of midriff fat, upper arms jiggle so much,

I think I can safely speak for Oprah, my self and my BFF Violet – we’d do a boogie dance if we hopped on any scale that read 123 pounds in our lifetimes.

But, since you can’t see quite how wonderful you have it at your 123 pound high I’ll steal a quote from Joy Behar from The View, “Shut up Skinny Bitch!”

Oh and that goes double for the buffest, slimmest, fittest woman in my gym class who won’t shut up about how she’ll “never lose this fat.” In reality the woman has like 1% body fat.

Here’s a Miss Manners lesson – if you’re normal-sized and blathering on about your fat to women who really are fat – you’re being RUDE.

I’m bored to death with the hobby of American women to incessantly talk about their fat. Especially if they are perfectly normal.

I don’t think it’s harmless, I think it’s costing us self-esteem in a very real way.

Try this challenge – avoid self-deprecation and fat-renouncing-of-self for 30 days. I bet almost no one can do it. I bet, even, that trying it for one day will illustrate just how much of women’s conversation is dependent on it.

Post from: Blisstree

Shut Up Skinny Bitch!