Sarah is the founder of Break Free Beauty, a company dedicated to helping people love their bodies as they are. She speaks and writes on body image, self-esteem, health, success and spirituality. Sarah’s new book will be available on November 1.

Go Ahead and Pamper Yourself
By Sarah Maria

Gone are the days when self-pampering was considered overly-indulgent, self-aggrandizing or narcissistic, right? Well, if those days aren’t quite gone for you, hopefully they will be gone by the time you finish reading this post. Here we go:

Many of us have been raised with what I call delusional thought patterns. These are any thoughts that prevent us from knowing and experiencing ourselves as the inherently beautiful, perfect, glorious beings that we are and always have been. These are the thoughts that make us think we shouldn’t pamper ourselves. Maybe we don’t quite deserve it; maybe we haven’t worked hard enough. Maybe we will do it after we have finished this project; perhaps after we take care of everyone else. Maybe then we will pamper ourselves . . .

Here are some of the stories you might be telling yourself:

“Pampering myself is too expensive.”

“I should be working instead of playing.”

“I should be taking care of the kids.”

“I don’t really need whatever I think I need.”

“I don’t deserve to give myself what I really want.”

“I should be exercising.”

“I should be doing something productive.”

Pampering, love, affection, adoration, as if any of this had anything to do with merit! It does not. You don’t deserve to be pampered because you have earned it any more than a baby deserves to be fed, clothed, and changed. Consider a baby — would you ever say “Okay, I am going to feed you because you have been a good baby.” You would consider this parent to be completely deluded. You feed a baby simply because that is what should be done when a baby is hungry.

And yet this is the way we think we should love ourselves — that love and pampering should somehow be based on merit. We think that somehow we should only pamper ourselves when we have done something to deserve it. Wrong! There is no deserving of pampering — there is simply love longing to be realized. In the same way you would feed a hungry baby, so too should you give yourself what you need and honor the brilliance that you are. Love and pampering should be given to yourself with unlimited abandon — joyously, endlessly.

And how do you pamper yourself? Give yourself what you need in each moment — moment by moment. Do you need rest? Plan for rest. Do you need inspiration? Read the books that feed your soul. Do you need relaxation? Get a massage. Do you need clarity? Spend time in silence. Do you need support? Reach out to friends and loved ones. In each moment, life will tell you what you need. Listen. Listen and follow the guidance, the inner-wisdom that is always at your disposal. In every single moment, you have everything you need to give yourself what you need in that moment.

There is nothing more important than your well-being. The better you feel the more you can live the life you want to live. You cannot climb a summit if you are feeling depleted — you cannot conquer your inner-demons with a fragile and exhausted mind. The most effective people are not those who have been denied love, either by themselves or by others. Study after study demonstrates that the healthiest, most effective people are those who love with abandon. Deserving to be loved, pampered, and cherished doesn’t end when we become adults.

Consider this quote from Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, who has influenced me most profoundly and whom you will see me quote often, since his wisdom is worth hearing again and again:

The unlimited is already perfect. You are perfect, only you don’t know it. Learn to know yourself and you will discover wonders. All you need is already within you; only you must approach yourself with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors. Your constant flight from pain and search for pleasure is a sign of the love you bear yourself; all I plead with you is this: make love of yourself perfect. Deny yourself nothing — give yourself infinity and eternity and discover that you do not need them; you are beyond.

You are love yearning for the perfectly lovable, and you, yourself, are the perfectly lovable that you long to experience. Give to yourself with unlimited abandon and you will discover that what you once considered selfish turns out to be the epitome of selflessness, for when you know yourself as love, you love everyone, unconditionally, unboundedly, eternally. You will discover that there never was anyone more deserving of love than you, no one more perfect than you, and no one to love other than yourself. Perfect your love of yourself and you will love everyone and no one perfectly.

©2009 Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life: 5 Steps to End Negative Body Obsession and Start Living Happily and Confidently

(Image via stock.xchng)

Post from: Blisstree

Love Your Body, Love Your Life

Please give us more information on Beauty’s Secret. Who is the book aimed at and what kinds of things can readers learn from it?

I targeted the book to pre-teen girls ages 7-14, although it’s been a delight to see mothers start their 4-year old with the story and older teens and adult women buying it for themselves or a friend. The message is universal, and the contemporary fairytale story appeals to all ages. But it’s the pre-teens I feel most compelled to reach, as they are being bombarded by so many unhealthy messages from our media and today’s role models, and don’t yet have the emotional capacity to discern truth from fantasy. It’s a fact, our girls are “growing up” faster than they have in any time in history, or at least they think they are (I also say this from personal experience, I have a 6-year-old daughter!). They are still young girls internally, yet want to look and act like big girls because that is what our society is teaching them as acceptable. Girls used to make the “big girl” transition going from middle school to high school, now it’s from elementary school to middle school. I want to reach them during these years so they don’t “lose” themselves in the transition.

One of the key things readers will see when reading my book is what happens when we forget that “It’s what’s inside that counts.” My main character, Beauty, becomes too focused on her external beauty and begins to treat herself and others harshly, and one day looks in the mirror and an ugly face is staring back at her. I have a wonderful artist (Dawn Pitre) and she captured this look perfectly. Through the message of a mystical angel, Beauty (and readers) learn the importance of connecting to her Heartlight, her true self and essence of who she is where her inner beauty lies. It’s very powerful, and I’m thrilled to say the world is embracing the message fully. Beauty’s Secret just became a Gold Recipient in the 2009 Mom’s Choice Awards. It’s also won several other national awards: First Place in Children’s Fiction in the USA Book News National Best Books Awards, a Moonbeam Silver Medal, and the COVR Visionary Award for Best Children’s Book of the Year.

Where can readers find out more about your book? Where is it available?

I invite readers to watch my video:

On it I discuss my personal story in developing Heartlight Girls. Please also visit my website at  and my blog .  On my website, readers may join (free) the Heartlight Girls Club to receive my monthly newsletter, as well as request an autographed copy of my book. Beauty’s Secret is also available at bookstores nationwide, including online booksellers like Amazon.

Anything else you’d like to add?

I am so excited to be living my purpose and passion! I have six books planned for the Heartlight Girls series, and am currently working on book two titled Star’s Attraction, A Girl’s Discovery of Inner Power. I also travel around the county speaking to parents and girls of all ages about this important message, my goal is to bring this awareness to as many as possible. I invite your readers to help me spread this message! Inquiries regarding speaking engagements can be directed to my booking agent Nancy Hansen at nhzgreentri@hotmail.com. If we all work together, we can make this a world where our girls feel safe, secure, empowered, and confident in being who they truly are!

Image: Debra Gano

Post from: Blisstree

Interview With Debra Gano – Part 2

I loved the concept behind this book so much that I asked Debra if she could answer a few questions for the readers of Blisstree. I know you are going to love hearing about the positive message she writes about!

Congratulations on your award-winning book. Tell me how you came to write Beauty’s Secret, A Girl’s Discovery of Inner Beauty.

I worked for many years in the very externally-focused “glamour” industry as a professional model and actress, and witnessed so many people (including myself!) being so consumed with what was going on with the outside, yet paying little attention to what was inside. The ironic thing was that these people had so much- great looks, money, and often fame – yet something was missing and they were not necessarily happy. I know I wasn’t.

A near-death car accident, as well as other “tragedies” (I now call them gifts), caused me to turn within, to abandon the “false” self I was portraying, and become connected to what I call my “true” self. The real me, where my inner beauty lies. As I discovered living from this perspective, my self-esteem increased, I was so much happier, and I felt a freedom I had never felt before. I then knew it was my purpose and my passion to teach this to girls, teaching them “What I know now, but wish I had back then.” I wanted young girls to be able to learn this at an earlier age than I did to avoid being trapped by their misconceptions of themselves so they could live a life fully empowered and free.

Why is self-esteem an important thing for girl’s to develop? What are some common reasons young women today may have a low self-esteem?

Without a strong sense of self-worth, girls are so much more susceptible when making the transition into the “big girl” stage, whenever that might be for that particular girl. Low-self esteem is the cause for just about every issue in society, and with girls, this results in making poor choices when it comes to boys, body image, and peer pressure. These unhealthy choices are what is contributing to the staggering numbers of teen eating disorders, depression, pregnancies, substance abuse, plastic surgery, and even suicides.

Many factors contribute to a young woman’s low self-esteem, the layers start building over the years…remember, we are not born with low self-esteem! Parents of both genders play an important role in developing a young girl’s sense of self-worth, that’s why I like to work with the parents as much as the girls, for often it’s the parents who will plant the initial seeds of insecurity. Teachers, friends, and peer pressure add additional layers, but I feel our media is the biggest culprit. Girls today have access to so many vehicles of media, and are bombarded by unrealistic images that they compare themselves to. Without a strong sense of self-esteem, a girl will believe the untruths others say about her, and then will repeat these untruths to herself on a daily basis, becoming her own worst enemy. As much as I would love our media to change overnight to be more empowering for girls, we all know this will take time, so my goal is to empower girls so the layers of insecurity never build and they can discern for themselves in a healthy way the things that are coming at them so fast.

Thank you, Debra.  We’ve got Part 2 of our interview tomorrow, so be sure to check back to hear the rest of Debra’s amazing story.

Images: Debra Gano

Post from: Blisstree

Interview with Debra Gano

We’re giving one Blisstree reader the chance to win an autographed copy of author Debra Gano’s award-winning hardcover book, Beauty’s Secret, A Girl’s Discovery of Inner Beauty. Self-esteem building and inspirational, this is the first volume in the new empowering Heartlight Girls Series for girls brings awareness of inner beauty and true worth through a contemporary, fairytale-like story.

Beauty’s Secret has won the 2009 Mom’s Choice Award, the 2008 USA Book News National Best Books Award for Children’s Fiction, the 2008 Moonbeam Children’s Book Awards Silver Medal, and the 2008 COVR Visionary Award for Best Children’s Book Of The Year.

I know you guys want to read this one! To enter, leave a comment on this post by Tuesday, April 21st. I’ll choose a winner at random and announce the lucky guy or girl the next day.

Image: Debra Gano

Post from: Blisstree

Win Beauty’s Secret:Heartlight Girls Series

Glamour magazine wanted to find out what women really thought about their bodies, and more than that, why some women felt confident while others didn’t. They did their very first “body survey” in 1984. Do the words “leotards” and “high-impact aerobics” ring a bell at all? That was 1984. During that first survey, “75 percent of women surveyed felt they were too fat, and more than 60 percent said they were dissatisfied with or ashamed of their stomach, hips and thighs.”

Twenty-five years later, Glamour has done another survey, asking many of the same questions. They’ve found that “more than 40 percent of women still seem to be struggling with their body image.” However, there was one noticeable change. “Women under 30 are now 22 percent more likely to say they are happy with their bodies than older women are.” I know some of you women are thinking that is because younger women have better bodies in general, but it’s really more than that. For example, I’m much more comfortable with my body now and it’s heavier and less toned than it was in my 20s. In other words, age has a lot to do with things.

Women also said have professional success made them feel better about their body all over. Exercise made them feel good about certain body parts, as did having sex. Eating a healthy diet also worked. Glamour concluded that you should spend time with people that make you feel good about yourself. (I second that!) After all, we all have “days” where we feel negative, so surrounding yourself with positive folks will help you get over negative self-talk quicker. In other words, all of us might have areas we don’t like, we are beautiful nonetheless. Don’t focus on what you think is negative. Chances are, you’re the only one that does.

Image: sxc.hu.

Post from: Blisstree

Do You Love Your Body?

Rihanna has become the public face for domestic abuse, as her story is all-too common. According to one source, domestic violence, “is the most common cause of injury to women ages 15-44.”

Suffering abuse is bad enough. But it also changes the way women behave in relationships from that point forward. If women stay in a bad relationship, they are “likely to stop trusting their own perceptions and become passive” in everything from friendships to relationships.

The effects of abuse don’t end when the physical violence stops. Women need to remove themselves from these types of situations, and most of all they need to know that they didn’t do a thing to deserve them. Nothing. Women typically second-guess themselves and try to accommodate, so it’s their nature to want to please and get along. But they need to work against this instinct, and value their worth.

Rihanna, this beautiful and talented young women, needs to know her worth. If you could give Rihanna a message right now, what would it be?

Post from: Blisstree

What Would You Tell Rihanna?

What about -

The Heart?

Learning To Love Ourselves

“Alcoholism was a lonely business.” Funny, that’s about all I needed to read this morning. But it continues – “even though we were surrounded by people who loved us… We were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent upon others… We still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence.”

I’m going to find the “no-coincidence” in today’s reflection somehow! I am not emotionally okay today. I want to question the God I understand and ask him why it was necessary for me and my ex to communicate yesterday. It didn’t really accomplish anything.

“When I did my personal inventory I found that I had unhealthy relationships with most people in my life – my friends and family, for example. I always felt isolated and lonely. I drank to dull emotional pain.”

I know today where that came from. Thank God for good, experienced, knowledgeable in recovery, therapists. The roots for this “issue” rest in my fathers’ ignoring me especially when I needed him the most. Would you like to know if my father was an alky? Well, if what he did after he started drinking was any clue, I think the answer is yes…

“It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor(s) and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others.”

So, those crusty old bast***s said it again and again – “We’ll love you until you can love yourself.” Once again, I’m reminded: The gratitude lies in the fact that I am capable of loving today. I can extract myself from this negative, self-loathing bs! And when I see a certain someone tonight I can find happiness in the fact that I care and can feel the feelings my heart tells me I have, even though she has no clue at all.

[Graphic from Animated Graphic Hearts]

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Bring The Body And…