How many of us have the audacity to think that we might know God’s will? Think about it… to approach making the statement that I know what God’s will is for me, or you, imho (lol), I believe that I would have a level of arrogance higher than that I’d had before.

Place my thought plane on a plane equal to God’s? Am I kidding?

Linda said it this morning (nothing original but – thanks my friend) “True humility is the desire to seek and do God’s will.”

This is for me… I have only one way of knowing that I am doing God’s will. Hindsight. What is more important to me is the desire to seek and do God’s will.

Even as I live a moment that is severely uncomfortable or fearful to me I can only step back, take a look (hindsight) and then decide to accept that everything is as it is supposed to be. Then I can find peace.

My challenge is to stop, take a breath, clear my head and then take a look. That is where I get lost. I react on impulse. I know better but it still happens on occasion. Which is where I now have to accept my imperfection as a human being. AND – that that imperfection is okay.

Then, lastly, attempt to wrap my brain cells around allowing myself to be vulnerable to a member of the opposite sex who is much younger, with help, because that person showed some personal interest and excited me, only to be rejected by silence – one more unavailable person who appeared available and wasn’t. Add to it that I had nothing to do with the first meeting and talk and… there you have it in a nutshell – I believed it was a God thing. Another one… and – it wasn’t.

Post from: Blisstree

Knowing God’s Will

Then, directly related to self-centeredness in the extreme, “Unless they develop much more of this precious quality than may be required just for sobriety, they still haven’t much chance of becoming truly happy.”

Which, for now, is where I lose understanding.

The state of mind is such that faith and humility are sorely lacking meaning that selfishness is on the table. Do the right thing, do the right thing, do the right thing… and? What?

“Humility, as a word and as an ideal, has a very bad time of it in our world.” It is having a very bad time of it in my world – now! Thankfully, this too shall pass.

Whenever God seems as if He’s farther away than normal, check who’s moved. Me. Selfish.

Do the right thing and the exact same old crap continues to happen, without fail. One specific area, the single most fearful area, stays precisely where it has always been despite making use of new lessons and “seeing” God at work.

“Not only is the idea misunderstood; the word itself is often intensely disliked.”

Master of self-delusion. Keep my will out of it, part of the solution. Let Go and Let God. Same results. Faith struggles.

What am I willing to do today to not drink alcohol? ANYTHING!!! Whatever it takes…

Meeting – check. Shared it – check. Prayed – check. Talked to another alkie – check. Gave thanks – check. Helped someone else – check.

Acceptance? Nope! God Box? Been there, done that with this again and again. Willing to do it again? Nope… Selfishness.

“We are sure that no class of people in this world ever made a worse mess of trying to live by this formula than alcoholics.”

“Material satisfactions were not the purpose of living.” That’s right! That was etched in stone decades ago and also hasn’t changed ever! Hell, now there’s two areas…

In a few minutes my head will hit the pillow and there won’t be any booze in me! I’m damn well a miracle!

“The attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.’s Twelve Steps!”

Accept and deal… and… have a good night…

Post from: Blisstree

Without Some Degree Of Humility

There are a lot of old phrases that meant quite a bit to folks like me that I rarely hear anymore. This is one of them.

Do you take offense to such a saying? If you do, the odds are good that you’re early in sodryety. An oldtimer explained it to me;

You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Everything you know about staying sober is on the first page of the Big Book, therefore when you open your mouth (at days, weeks, or months dry, no, not sober) you’re more than likely spreading your disease than helping anyone. The reason you have two ears and one mouth is so you can listen twice as hard as you speak. Listen to learn, learn to listen.

He was right…

Have a saying you haven’t hear for quite some time? Please, leave it in the comments

Post from: Blisstree

Take The Cotton Out Of Your Ears

Page 72:

“The best reason first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story.”

We are masters of self-delusion! Consider this;

Did we not, for years or even decades, swear we didn’t have a drinking problem? Didn’t we also swear that the next time it would be different? Didn’t we also swear that we could stop anytime we wanted to? Didn’t we also swear we were hurting no one but ourselves?

Masters of self-delusion! Egotistical!

How egotistical is it to think that we might be able to hide some putrid fact of our lives from God? Pretty damned egotistical, if ya’ ask me… yet, somewhere, in our minds, it lurks that if I don’t have to share it with another human being, no one will know – and I won’t have to work on that. Delusional…

Post from: Blisstree

Why Can’t I Just Admit It To God?

To be used as a guide for a Fourth Step – Liabilities and their definitions.

Resentment – “When we are angry or bitter toward someone for an extended period of time over some real or imagined insult, we are feeling resentment. It is a hostile or indignant attitude in response to an alleged affront or personal injury.”

False Pride – “is either feeling better than or less than someone else. Feelings of superiority include prejudice about race, education or religious beliefs, and sarcasm – putting someone else down to make us feel better about ourselves. Feelings of inferiority include self-pity – dwelling on one’s own problems, and low self-esteem – the lack of self-worth or self-respect.”

Envy – “wanting someone else’s possessions.”

Jealousy – “being suspicious of another’s motives or doubting the faithfulness of a friend.”

Selfishness – “concern only for ourselves, our own welfare or pleasure, without regard for, or at the expense of, others.”

Laziness – “means lacking the will or the desire to work. Procrastination, which is postponing or delaying an assigned job or task, is a form of laziness.”

Dishonesty – “theft or deception. It includes taking things that don’t belong to us, cheating people out of what is rightfully theirs, and lying to or witholding the truth from others.”

Fear – “is being afraid of losing something we have or not getting something we want. It manifests itself in many ways including phobia, terror, panic, anxiety and worry.”

Post from: Blisstree

Liabilities

I hear the same kind of things he’s referring to at meetings. People share and then end with a statement like this;

“I want to thank the South Side Group for being here for me tonight.”

Dude/Dudette – you’re just simply not that damned important! You don’t really think we made it a point to be there for you do you? Shite – you’ve got 12 years! 14 years! 20 years! And you just finished telling us how you do recovery soooooo well!!!

I might not feel the same if they’d even eliminate the “for me” stuff! Something like “Thank God the South Side Group was able to open it’s doors for us tonight.” Would that be so hard?

From page 150 in the 12 and 12;

“Alcoholics Anonymous can be likened to a group of physicians who might find a cure for cancer, and upon whose concerted work would depend the answer for sufferers of this disease. True, each physician in such a group might have his own specialty. Every doctor concerned would at times wish he could devote himself to his chosen field rather than work only with the group. But once these men had hit upon a cure, once it became apparent that only by their united effort could this be accomplished, then all of them would feel bound to devote themselves solely to the relief of cancer. In the radiance of such a miraculous discovery, any doctor would set his other ambitions aside, at whatever personal cost.”

At whatever personal cost!!! Set your other ambitions aside!!!

Grandiosity, big-shot-ism…

Post from: Blisstree

Agreed