From today’s Daily Reflection: “Those Who Still Suffer”

“For us, if we neglect those who are still sick, there is unremitting danger to our own lives and sanity.”

It is my personal opinion (fwiw) that this is a piece of writing that undoes the profundity expressed in meetings that the newcomer is the most important person in the room. I think whoever made that statement up about the newcomer needed to say something they thought made them sound important.

When you get down to reality, in a belief system based on a Higher Power, each and every life in our rooms is equal in value and has no more or less importance. We are all equal!

“I know the torment of drinking compulsively to quiet my nerves and my fears. I also know the pain of white-knuckled sobriety. Today, I do not forget the unknown person who suffers quietly, withdrawn and hiding in the desperate relief of drinking.”

They don’t even have to be hiding in drinking. I’ve known many folks with years of sobriety who’ve sat in the rooms in pain because they had somehow lost the ability to ask for help and no one asked them how they were doing because they were oldtimers and supposedly had it all together. They were not less important than the newcomer.

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White-Knuckled Sobriety

This, for me, goes a very long way to defining humility.

I was always Johnny-On-The-Spot when someone was troubled, in harms’ way or hurt. It seemed that accidents happened close by and I’d be there to help. But I had a motive despite the coincidental nature of most of these circumstances.

I wanted attention. I wanted someone to pay attention to me, to reward me. Self-centered in the extreme because if I didn’t receive attention or reward I got angry and pouted. Of true humility I knew absolutely nothing.

Then came AA and wise oldtime AA members including Matt and Rick. We talked about humility. We spoke about doing good things for others. Then they laid it on me, thankfully.

I can’t remember who, I believe it was Matt, who listened to me at that meeting speak of doing something good for someone else. After the meeting he told me that whatever I’d done good no longer counted. Still with my reward system nature I was affronted by his comment. What do you mean it doesn’t count?

To find true humility you do something good for someone and you don’t tell anyone you did it. That’s the way it works! Otherwise you’re simply doing what you’d always done – brag. EGO is all about bragging. And EGO is easing God out. So, keep your big mouth shut!

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Do Something Good For Someone And Then…

This applies to me as well folks! Today’s Reflection;

Shortcomings Removed

“When I put the Seventh Step into action I must remember that there are no blanks to fill in.”

Isn’t this interesting? If I hadn’t read this I’d be wondering what they meant. They go on to say;

“It doesn’t say, ‘Humbly asked Him to (fill in the blank) remove our shortcomings.’ For years, I filled in the imaginary blank with ‘Help me!’ ‘Give me the courage to,’ and ‘Give me the strength,’ etc. The Step says simply that God will remove my shortcomings.”

Must be my lack of faith that keeps me in a never-ending condition of keeping my shortcomings…

What do you think? About you, not me

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So… You Say You Still Have Your Shortcomings Eh?

From page 75 in AA’s 12&12;

“During this process of learning more about humility, the most profound result of all was the change in our attitude toward God. And this was true whether we had been believers or unbelievers. We began to get over the idea that the Higher Power was a sort of bush-league pinch hitter, to be called upon only in an emergency.”

You know what the two foxhole prayers are – don’t you?

The first is “Please dear God, get me out of this one and I swear, I’ll never do it again!”

The second? The second is – “phew………”

“The notion that we would still live our own lives, God helping a little now and then, began to evaporate. Many of us who had thought ourselves religious awoke to the limitations of this attitude. Refusing to place God first, we had deprived ourselves of His help. But now the words ‘Of myself I am nothing, the Father doeth the works’ began to carry bright promise and meaning.”

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Of Myself I Am Nothing

And I damn well want to know why I am still unstable when I make no friggin’ demands upon God for anything!!!

I’ve been reading our literature and it’s references to demands as opposed to requests for some time now. I understand the differences. It was made clear to me what I’d been doing with my alcoholic, negative thinking when I was drinking and even early on (about 15 years lol) sober. There’s been a lot of water under the demand bridge between my God and I for years.

And still my emotional stability rests on very shaky ground.

“Years of dependency on alcohol as a chemical mood-changer deprived me of the capability to interact emotionally with my fellows.”

In the years since I stopped, by God’s grace, depending on alcohol as a chemical mood-changer, my ability to interact emotionally has improved, quite a bit.

“I thought I had to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and self-motivated in a world of unreliable people.”

AA taught me that self-sufficiency was a juggernaut who’s end result is ruin. AA taught me that belief meant reliance not defiance. AA taught me that relying on people would fail me because they are human too.

“Finally I lost my self-respect and was left with dependency, lacking any ability to trust myself or to believe in anything.”

This very last attempt to make the best of the interaction opportunity that was presented came very close to a feeling of losing my self-respect. That didn’t happen. Yet I’m still feeling compulsive, drawn towards it. And when I fight the compulsion, I feel sad and depressed.

Yeah, they also said it was a strange twist of the mind, didn’t they?

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Dammit! I Didn’t Demand Anything!

From The Seventh Step in the 12&12;

“True, most of us thought good character was desirable, but obviously good character was something one needed to get on with the business of being self-satisfied.”

Yeah – right. In the case of most alcoholics and also most humans, we were previously told “Instead of regarding the satisfaction of our material desires as the means by which we could live and function as human beings, we had taken these satisfactions to be the final end and aim of life.” How true! And how perverse was that thinking…

That led to others judging, then self-judging, that if we didn’t provide enough therefore we weren’t good enough. This one still haunts me with my “family.”

But the 12&12 lays it out, for me, very nicely.

First the sarcasm – “With a proper display of honesty and morality, we’d stand a better chance of getting what we really wanted.” Wrong again. There simply is no method with which to always determine we’ll be getting what we want. It truly isn’t up to us.

Then the old reality – “But whenever we had to choose between character and comfort, the character-building was lost in the dust of our chase after what we thought was happiness. Seldom did we look at character-building as something desirable in itself, something we would like to strive for whether our instinctual needs were met or not.”

Now, I ask you, when can you recall considering character-building when you were drinking? My answer would be – never!

Thirdly, our literature offers us what I believe becomes the answer when they tell us “We never thought of making honesty, tolerance, and true love of man and God the daily basis of living.”

When I can practice that, life is so much better!

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Displaying Honesty and Morality To Get What We Want

With an added feature – alcoholism… Permanent, progressive, fatal and damn patient! Mighty damn patient.

Mary Christine said: “Hang in there and know that God loves you and is being kind and loving towards you even though it feels horrible.” Think about that for a moment. It reminds me of a prayer I found during the divorce days while looking through Rosary prayers. I needed some level of comfort from the pain and alcohol was no longer available to offer relief. I found this: “Sometimes, in His wisdom, He allows the suffering to continue.”

I thought to myself “What kind of God is that?” The answer wasn’t positive. It became positive later.

Today, Linda said: “I know today I look at the way I act as sometimes being alien when in fact I am applying spiritual principles.” Think a bit harder about this.

Those oldtimers told me I’d never be a finished product. Dammit – they were right. It is foreign for me, still, to consider that I’m doing the right thing, doing what I need to do to maintain my peace of mind. Walking away from what was once perceived by my brain as something from God yet it had turned completely. Considering that the possibility exists that a relationship with another human being would have been wrong – for me! That is why it didn’t work out. Oftentimes my brain wants to remain in crisis mode when it doesn’t need to. There is no crisis. I’m better off because my God loves me. If you don’t love me, oh well.

Now, if we could just let brain in on this…

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Even Though It Feels Horrible?

The Seventh Step Prayers

“I humbly offered myself to God, as I then understood Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch.” (p. 13)

“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.” (p. 76 BB)

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7th Step Prayers

Heard something else at a meeting today and I loved it. Why? Because it came from the mouth of someone who is a Viet Nam vet, has 10 years sobriety, is a cancer survivor and is also a “retired” member of a “motorcycle club.” He now calls himself a “motorcycle enthusiast” rather than a biker!

He closed his sharing with;

“Once I was a hopeless dope fiend. Today I do everything I can to be a dopeless hope fiend!”

Reminded me of something else I heard at a meeting many years ago (Thank God).

“I’m worse than a hopeless romantic. I’m a hopeful romantic!”

(I’m working on my MySpace – come listen to my current state of mind… love Journey, though today I’d rather have been able to find “Freebird”)

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Heard The Pop Yet?

4th STEP Prayers

WHEN IN DOUBT

“I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure.”
(p.13)

WHEN I AM DISTURBED BY THE CONDUCT (SYMPTOMS) OF OTHERS

“This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”
(p. 67 BB)

God help me to show this person the same tolerance, pity and patience that I would Cheerfully grant a sick friend. This is a sick person, how can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.
(see above and p. 141 of 12&12)

WHEN I AM AFRAID

“We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.”
(p. 68 BB)

God, relieve me of this fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be. AMEN
(see above)

WHEN I AM AWARE OF MY OWN DEFECTS AND SEEKING GOD’S HELP TO CHANGE

“We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. . . we ask God what we should do about each specific matter.”
(p. 69 BB)

God mold my ideals in this particular area of my life and help me to live up to them. What should I do in each specific matter? Guide me God and give me strength to do right. AMEN
(see above)

[Edited to bring it into the "now"]

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Fourth Step Prayers