To Fight or Not to Fight

I just got back from a dinner at a friend’s house. These girls have been my friends since I was in highschool and we’ve stayed in touch over the years — over 10 years, in fact.

The conversation revolved around marriage, kids, engagements, and break ups. Of course, since I’m the only single left in the group, in a new relationship at that, I got grilled with questions regarding certain issues about the relationship, the fights, in particular.

All three have the same opinion on how they think individuals should view fights in relationships. They say it’s quite normal and, somewhat, good for it. It keeps everything “spicy” and interesting. It helps you talk about issues that can help the relationship grow.

Personally, I find fighting a little stressful and tiring. I’m often left disconcerted and uninspired. I usually resort to sleeping, thinking that it will lessen the negative feeling left by the fight.

However, after that conversation, I came out feeling a bit encouraged because, at least, I can view fights in a different light. I felt re-affirmed that communicating through fights help solve problems and does make the relationship stronger. But I also felt that these thoughts shouldn’t be used to justify “picking fights” for the heck of it, know what I mean?

I reckon we can actually learn from the phrase “picking fights”. Instead of taking it in the negative sense, we should take it as picking the kind of fights we’d engage in with our respective partners or to make a conscious decision “to fight or not to fight.”

Any thoughts on the matter?