Well, it seems you have found the secret to a golden career selling books by the million and luring in listeners to your radio show – be one-sided and controversial. Get your face on every TV show that will take you and tell them how you know you are right because you lived both lives – as a career woman and as a mother. Tell them how you can separate the two, but other women should not because our children need us, especially in the first three years of their life.

The thing is, Dr. Laura, I don’t disagree with you there. I think children need us for the rest of their lives and we should always be accommodating. I think the mother-child bond transcends all others. But I believe the father-child bond is just as important, and that both parents can be providers for their families as well as caregivers for their children. I want my son to grow up supporting his wife’s decision whether she wants to stay home fulltime with her children or juggle motherhood and the career she’s studied hard for. I want my son to see that mothers can become doctors and CEOs and even presidents of great countries and still be devout caregivers to their children. I want him to understand that when he becomes a parent that his role in raising a child goes beyond bringing home a paycheck and being the great disciplinarian. He, too, should be a nurturer.

You see I’m not only black or white. I’m somewhat gray. I applaud those women who choose to stay home with their children and are fulfilled doing so. I tried to do that, but I’m not programmed that way. My desire to write again overwhelmed me, and my husband and I found a way for me to split my time between staying home with our son part time and writing the other. Those “other people” with early childhood degrees who have been “raising” my child the other part of the time have helped me socialize him and educate him in ways I could never do on my own.

Do I feel fulfilled as a woman? Yes.

Do I feel like my husband’s girlfriend? Always.

Do I feel like I have touched the soul of my kids? Every day.

And what about those mothers who have no choice but to work in order to feed and clothe their children? Are they depriving their kids? You say that every woman is capable of choosing her hours of work so that she can sandwich her job during her child’s school hours, but how realistic is that for a woman flipping hamburgers making minimum wage who is thankful for whatever hours she can get? Especially in this day and age.

But no, Dr. Laura. You’re always right, aren’t you? You hold yourself to a different standard than the rest of us, and want those of us who disagree with you to feel inadequate as a mother. Well, shame on you, Dr. Laura. Shame on you.

Source: Wall Street Journal

Photo, Amazon

Post from: Blisstree

Shame on You, Dr. Laura

I found these fascinating statistics in FEMININE MISTAKE, THE: ARE WE GIVING UP TOO MUCH?.

One Harvard and Cornell study found that

Women who were homemakers at the beginning of their three-year study and and then went to work full time reported a decrease in psychological distress.

A Women’s Studies Research Center at Brandeis University and Women’s eNews study found that

Women who were employed full time and then dropped out to stay home reported an increase in distress, regardless if they had children. Women who had a child but stayed in the work force showed no increase in distress. But women who had a child and dropped out of the work force experienced a major increase in stress.

Dan Baker, author of What Happy People Know: How the New Science of Happiness Can Change Your Life for the Better, explains the

seemingly counter-intuitive decreased level of distress in working women by giving a high happiness priority to “a sense of freedom,” proactivity and security. A sense of working women feeling a measure of control over their own destinies.
Versus what he terms “the lesser life,” characterized by fear, a lack of options, a narrow focus, a sense of purposelessness, anxiety and depression. The emotional reality for many women who are economically dependent.

Other statistics report that working is physically healthier for mothers.

By the age of fifty-four, those who combined roles of employees, parents and parters were significantly less likely to report ill health than were those whose lives did not include all three roles. The women who had been homemakers for all or most of their lives were most likely to say that their health was poor, followed by single mothers and childless women. The study, which was reported in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, also found that 38 percent of the long-term housewives suffered from obesity, in comparison with 23 percent of the working mothers.

Another report by a Dr. Anna Fels in Necessary Dreams: Ambition in Women’s Changing Livesreports,

Employed women are healthier than their homemaker peers, despite the pressure of their added responsibilities. They have lower blood pressure, lower cholesterol levels and lower weight. Psychologically, working women have less depression than their domestic counterparts, and they have, astonishingly been reported to have less anxiety.

Post from: Blisstree

Stress for SAHMs v. Working Moms

 As in Clearance: 50% off!

 This is wrong, Orman says, because if we don’t value what we do enough to charge full price then no one else will and that’s why we’re behind the game when it comes to money.

Clearance Prices

1. You accept the 3% cost of living raise your boss offers every January. Women could earn $1 million a year by telling their boss they won’t settle for this meager increase. This could be why men make $1 to our 75 cents.

2. You have a business and though the price of materials increase, say due to a war and increased gas prices, you still charge the same. You’re afraid your clients will leave you if you stay profitable.

3. You’re a stay-at-home mom and since you’re not working you don’t feel entitled to having money of your own. To avoid humiliation and tension you don’t ask and he doesn’t offer.

I would add that your money comes last on the list because the kids need this or that or you forgot to buy this or that with the grocery money, so your blow money gets spent for family purposes and never on yourself. Misguided selflessness. This is my personal experience.

4. You always barter services, even for stuff you don’t need. Say you’re a photographer and your friend is a hairdresser – she does your hair and you take pictures of her kids. If your regular fees are equal and you need your hair done – great.  If you charge $300 and she $75, this is a bad deal for you. Stop losing $225.

5. Volunteer work. Orman says we just don’t know where to draw the line with volunteering. She says men don’t volunteer to the extent we do and they get paid for much of the “charity” work we do for free. Men don’t seem to have a problem with getting paid for their good deeds, while women tend to think it doesn’t qualify as a good deed if they get paid for it.

I know of lots of men who have very profitable ministries, Dave Ramsey is a millionaire for his ministry of teaching people how to handle money. Many women don’t feel right about making money off a good deed. Due to this fact, many women are over-stressed and under-valued, suffering from a lack of time AND a lack of money because not only do we have a zero-profit ministry but we also have jobs and families to attend to.

I have issues with the volunteering myself. I feel terrible guilt about not teaching my daughter’s Sunday school class, even though I participate in other ministries. Also, I feel guilty when I don’t sign up for every dinner for a sick person, every sorting through crap for a garage sale, every teaching at vacation Bible school, etc. Yet, I’ve noticed my husband feels no guilt whatsoever at ignoring the call for help and passing the sign up sheet on.

I’ve also notice that the Church I attend has a gigantic budget and lots of people get paid for what they do. Not only men, but women too. So, it’s unclear to me why I feel such a terrible guilt when I pass the sign up sheet on. I do lots of volunteering and mentoring, but I hear every sermon or lecture about volunteering or giving to charity as a personal indictment. It’s one of the issues I’m working on.

Which of these issues are you working on? I’m dying to hear how other women feel like they might be on the clearance rack. Please comment. And check out So Sioux Me where I explore other financial issues and the lessons I teach my daughter through my relationship with money.

Post from: Blisstree

Are You On Sale?