For those of you who were left speechless, or at least at a loss for a snappy comeback, go visit  DC at Lupus Pie. She’s compiled her own set of (least) favorite phrases and shared her best responses with you all in her post, “Ten Things Never to Say to Someone Dealing with Infertility.” I read them and for most of them thought,

“D*mn, Why didn’t I think to say that?”

Post from: Blisstree

Comebacks for Those Phrases You Hate to Hear

I have friend’s who lost EVERYTHING because SHE wanted to be pregnant so bad….a homeless shelter is no place to raise a child and that’s almost where they were. I’m sorry to hear about your friend, but her scenario is not everyone’s.

There should be some psychological evaluation BEFORE assisted pregnancy options are carried out. There is. A meeting with a psychologist is usually de rigueur. In fact, it was part of our initial consultation with our fertility clinic, before we even met with anyone else.

I’m wondering, are you also advocating for mandatory psych evals before anyone can get pregnant?

TYRA wasn’t BERATING people….I wouldn’t know. I didn’t watch it, remember? but people who have psychological obsessions only see it as being attacked or ridiculed. It’s really about their selfishness and guilt.

EVERYTIME I see a child GROW UP IN THE WELFARE SYSTEM I am outraged that these selfish people couldn’t give their love to a child who wants and needs parents as much as or more than these people will go through to TRY have a child. Who are “these selfish people?” I’m guessing you are bundling all women trying to conceive into this category. That’s interesting since many of the couples that I know who are trying to conceive are also pursuing the path (domestic adoption) that you claim they aren’t. These things aren’t mutually exclusive.

Some people simply aren’t meant to conceive whether it’s due to genetic incompatibility (it exists), health or a host of other reasons. THEY WILL SPEND MILLIONS on a dream but won’t even give 10 cents worth of thought to adopting a child OR they will go to FOREIGN countries and buy babies and leave tens of thousands of parentless AMERICAN (mostly non-white) children stranded in the system. While fertility treatments are indeed expensive, I have never heard of a scenario where a couple has spent a million dollars on this dream. And your statement, once again, assumes that “these selfish people” haven’t tried or are in the process of adopting. And why is domestic adoption the only moral choice for you? Are there not tens of thousands of parentless (mostly non-white, to use your words) children across the world? Does love know national boundaries?

When you use the term “buy babies” you infer that international adoption is as easy as writing a check. There is nothing further from the truth.

People are selfish…there ARE children for them to have and they are too self centered to see them. If they can’t give themselves to a child with no parent WHY do they deserve to BE parents? UNWANTED BABIES ARE BORN EVERYDAY and these couples sit and cry about NOT being able to have their own????? Don’t give me the sob story…they can’t see the forest for the trees. I WAS ONE OF THOSE KIDS! You are right. People are selfish – Selfish to think that their vision of family or how a family should be formed is the only way. To imply that to be a parent is a privilege given only to those that are “deserving” is ridiculous. You are right – unwanted babies are born every day. Tell me, why is it the moral imperative of couples trying to conceive to find homes for each of these babies before they can try to conceive their own?

By “one of those kids,” do you mean that you were adopted? Me too. Small world.

I have twins of my own and ADOPTED another older child because he needed parents and we could be that for him. You have to GIVE to receive. Love should be unconditional and they REALLY wanted to be parents they would be. DNA has nothing to do with LOVE. You are right – DNA has nothing to do with love. Just as being “deserving” has nothing to do with being a parent. The very concept of parenting is, in its essence, a selfish act. To say one path is more selfish than others is something that doesn’t gel with me.

Post from: Blisstree

I Couldn’t Make This Up – A Response

I haven’t come across this one yet, but my blogger friend WifeThereof has. Click here to see how she reacted to it. But first, watch the video below and let me know how you would have responded:

Post from: Blisstree

Sticks and Stones – Part V

If I took a poll of the blogosphere, I am going to guess that this is the comment (or ones similar) that pushes people trying to conceive to the edge of sanity. It is also one of the most commonly heard. I could list here all of the people that have said it to me, but that would take up most of my page.

The issue here (for me) isn’t adoption. It is the misconception that it is easy or more affordable or somehow more admirable or moral than the path I and thousands of others are currently on. I also find it problematic when adoption is seen as a humanitarian project or a good deed, rather than a path to parenthood.

That’s my beef with this comment, what’s yours? Or, do you think there’s no beef to be had?

Post from: Blisstree

Sticks and Stones – Part IV