Image: Karmalize on Flickr

The holiday season is officially here.  If you feel stressed about the upcoming festivities, here are some tips to remember when spending large amounts of time with your entire family:

• Huge family get-togethers only occur once or twice a year.  Try to focus on the positive for just a few days.

• Go in with a positive attitude, but without high expectations.  Don’t expect that everything will perfect, but do expect that you will be able to calmly handle whatever comes your way.

• Focus on doing the best you can to help.  A lot of times family members disagree because they don’t feel that everyone is pulling their weight equally.  Focus on doing what you can to help (make plans, cook, decorate, chauffeur, etc.) without worrying about what other people aren’t doing.

• Don’t sweat the small things.  You have a lifetime of history with your family, which could cause you to get upset over small things.  Try to focus on the big picture and let small battles slide.

• Give yourself a break.  If you find that a situation is getting overwhelming, take yourself out of it.  Family get-togethers can be overwhelming with tons of people around all the time, so take some time to go for a walk or go workout by yourself to clear your head.

• This is not the best time for confrontations and interventions.  Again, focus on maintaining a positive attitude and enjoying that you all get to spend time together.  If you have issues with someone, discuss them in private at a separate time.  Don’t form alliances or gang up on anyone…it will cause more hurt than help.  Don’t start arguments.

Enjoy being around your loved ones and appreciate that you have the opportunity to spend the holidays together.

Post from: Blisstree

Tips For Dealing With Holiday Family Stress

Today the question concerned over-eating and stress. The question was, “Do you eat more when stressed out?”  The possible choices were, “Yes. No. Doesn’t apply to me.”

Doesn’t apply to me?  This one stumped me. Doesn’t apply to a person because they don’t eat or they don’t have stress?  Can you imagine a life without stress?  Stress due to work, money, problems, well nobody enjoys that, but a certain amount of stress is necessary to get anywhere. A certain amount of stress is necessary for self-preservation.  Where would we be without the basic fight or flight impulse?

I get really stressed out sometimes. I’m a single mom, I have a son with special needs, a teenage daughter, a preteen daughter, not enough money to cover the bills…. you know, I’m living A Life. In order to avoid eating an entire bag of Chocolate Kisses in a single sitting or yelling at whomever is closest to me, I have to develop alternative ways of dealing with my stress.

My personal stress-busters are exercise and escape. For exercise, I run, walk, hike, or ride my bike. For escape, I turn on the Food Network, pick up a book, or pop in a DVD. When things get really bad, I try to take a nap. (I’m a mom,  chronic exhaustion is part of our job description).

How do you deal with your stress?  Do you have a plan?

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Stress and Stress-busters

Everyone has those friends and family members who want to show that they care by inquiring into every little detail about your relationship and offering their personal opinion about every response.  They want to know everything!  Older siblings, younger siblings, parents, ex-boyfriends, best friends, co-workers, lots of people seem to feel comfortable offering their opinion about your relationship when you didn’t really ask for it.  They are usually just trying to “watch out for you”, but the barrage of questions and opinions can be extremely stressful and cause a negative influence on your relationship.  It could cause you to worry and start a fight with your significant other about something that doesn’t even need to be addressed!

If you find yourself doubting, lying, judging, stressing, worrying, or experiencing any other negative emotions surrounding questions or comments about your relationship that are coming from people outside the relationship, then you should really consider taking steps to change the situation.

• Before you let yourself worry about what someone else is worrying about, STOP!  Try to look at the situation calmly and ask yourself how you truly feel about it, regardless of what anyone else might think.  Remove yourself from family, friends, and society’s expectations and evaluate your relationship and your decisions independently.  Look at your own personal priorities, morals, and values in your life and figure out how you feel about the situation or the issue.

• If you decide, based on your own personal evaluation, that it is a situation worth addressing, then bring it up in a calm and logical way with your significant other.  Don’t start a fight!  There is a huge chance that after evaluating it on your own you will realize that it’s not worth discussing because you already understand each other in this area.  If it seems like an issue worth discussing, bring it up as an issue between the two of you and not as one that was inspired by an outside influence.

• Next time an inappropriate issue is brought up by a caring friend or family member, explain politely that you prefer to keep some issues in your relationship private.  Tell them that the two of you have that situation figured out between the two of you, and then change the subject to talk about something else.  Be careful not to be rude or insulting because you want your friend to feel comfortable telling you what they think in other situations!  Even though the comments and questions might have caused you some unneeded stress and worry, they were only coming from curiosity or concern and nothing malicious.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

My Friends & Family Have Too Many Opinions

I read today that older people are happier than younger people. This comes from the American Psychologoical Association of Toronto, Canada and a Pew Research Study.

I accept this idea completely. I have a teen. She is a beautiful girl with all sorts of possibilities ahead of her. You’d think she’d be happy, but everything – and I mean everything – is annoying. You know what annoys me?  Crowds. How do I deal with them? I avoid them. Problem solved.

Here are a few of the ways in which older people find greater happiness:

 

*They are better able to recognize what triggers stress and avoid it
*They don’t sweat the small stuff and have greater control over their emotions
*They nurture close relationships with family and friends
*They have a more “positive mindset” and prefer to look at things from a positive point of view – both present and past events
*The have more time for hobbies, friends, or religion because they are retired
*They pick and chose their battles, having learned long ago that to let the little stuff slide

An interesting point made in the article is that a younger person’s more high-strung nature may actually contribute to better success in the workplace.

“Sometimes, happiness is something that you might not be able to achieve in the same way when you’re young and you have these things to accomplish,” she said. “Your time will come.”

Image credit: SXC.HU

Post from: Blisstree

Happiness Comes with Age

There are a million reasons why someone might be jealous of you.  It might be something that you have control over, or it might be something that is just part of you naturally.  Humans are naturally competitive and when they see something in someone else that they desire for themselves, there is a definite tendency to feel that ugly little twinge of jealousy.

If you worry that someone in your life is jealous of you, my biggest piece of advice is: don’t worry about it anymore!  We live in a social environment where we interact with people everyday, so it is a constant stress to worry about the way that your presence affects other people.  You could spend tons of useless energy worrying about what other people think of you and never knowing what is inside their heads and why they feel or treat you the way that they do.

The most important thing to remember is that you can’t control other people, you can only control yourself.  Jealousy coming from someone else is not something that you can work on fixing and it is only something that the other person can work on.  It’s very natural to worry about what other people think of you and feel sad if they treat you coldly, but if you are focusing on being the best person that you can be then you should be able to move on from their negativity.

It’s also important to remember that you may be diagnosing their jealousy incorrectly.  Again, you have no idea what thought process they are going through, so it’s not important to spend time worrying about whether or not they are jealous of you.  Don’t waste your time trying to figure it out…it will only make you self-conscious and confused.

If someone treats you in a way that makes you feel like they are jealous, try to turn your focus on yourself.  Remember that jealousy is something that they have control over and not you.  If you have wonderful things in your life, enjoy them!

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

I Think They Are Jealous of Me

I bring up this issue because we live in a stress-inducing world!  There are a million tiny occurrences everyday that could build up to create unwanted feelings of a lack of self-control and being overwhelmed.  Think about traffic, parking, grocery stores, lines, bills, pets, emails, text messages, and the list goes on and on.  You might feel that you have it all under control, but maybe you have been releasing stress in ways that you haven’t noticed.

Take some time to talk to the people in your life who you spend the most time with and ask them if they have noticed that you have been under a lot of stress.  Every American’s life has changed over the last couple years, so it’s possible that you have had to face some of the new challenges that have developed.  Dig deep and talk openly to each other about the possibilities of new stresses that might be surfacing.

Regardless of how calm your life is, it is extremely healthy to develop regular outlets for relieving stress.  Find what works for you and helps you let out your steam so you can come home to your family and feel relaxed.  There are a million different independent hobbies that you can pursue that will help you to relieve stress.  Try running, yoga, cooking, biking, sudoku, yardwork, or anything else that you might enjoy.  Incorporate one of these activities into your daily routine so you can have a healthy and balanced life and to ensure that you are also creating a loving and comfortable environment for those that you are closest to.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Do I Take Stress Out On My Family?

There were definitely the couples who got married right out of college…but those were outliers.  They had been dating since freshman year and it was very expected that they would get married young.  It didn’t cause any big commotion amongst our friends because the wedding was such a great college reunion.  Now is the time when it has really started to become a pattern.

As soon as I realized that this stage of my life had officially begun, I was interested in seeing how those in long term relationships would start to respond.  Couple who have just started dating know that they are a long ways from engagement so they don’t have such a strong reaction.  They see what is going on around them, but know that their situation is different.

Couples who have been dating for a very long time, on the other hand, feel the most pressure.  They wonder what it is that those engaged couples have that they don’t…How did they know that they were ready to take that next step?  Are we waiting for something that isn’t going to happen?  Did we miss the moment where we were supposed to propose?  Are we going to know when we’re ready?  Do people look at us and wonder why we’re not engaged?

I think these worries can cause unneeded and excessive stress on a relationship.  Every couple needs to remember that they are the only ones that really truly understand themselves as a couple and the decisions of others around them are irrelevent.  There is no perfect timeline for dating and then getting engaged and there are no social expectations that anyone needs to feel pressure to conform to.  Some people date for three days and get engaged and some people date for ten years and never get engaged.

Regardless of what your peers are doing, you know what is right for your relationship and you will know when the time is right to take that next step forward.  Be introspective, talk to your significant other, and make the right decisions for you.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Why Is Everyone Else Getting Engaged?

The survey also reveals that owning a DVR can lead to a happier, less stressful life. Eighty-one percent of respondents said their DVR has made life better by allowing for more time to do things together with loved ones and fewer arguments over what to watch. In fact, having a DVR around seems to improve relationships, 79 percent of respondents claimed.

You know what can lead to an even less stressful life?  Turn off both the TV and the DVR and talk.  Communicate without technical distraction. Even better, turn them off, head outside and have a conversation while watching your kids play or the sun set or…… okay, yeah this may sound corny, but give it a try.

And I say this as a TV fan. (I never miss Lost or Survivor).

Image credit: Chase Your Bliss Photography

Post from: Blisstree

DVRs and Quality of Life

• Prozac $12
• Zoloft $86
• Xanex $4

Post from: Blisstree

Pharmacy Sign

Just look at that face. That is Trotter, my beloved Chocolate Labrador. Doesn’t he look calm and relaxed? Actually he’s waiting for me to feed him.

I am always so amazed at how dogs seem to be able to provide us with a sense of peace.

Yesterday, I completely freaked myself out about something a client had said to me…which snowballed, internally, to my freaking out about every little nuance concerning my business and even my ability to be a small business owner.

Then it was that TIME. That time of day, when I get a look from Trotter whose expression seems to communicate: “Maaaaahm…I have to go! you never take me out, you never feed me you don’t love me, your terrible.”

Anyway, I took him for our morning walk, and when I do, I always feel that it’s important for the walk to be about him…what HE smells, what HE is seeing, what HE is hearing.

Sometimes, when I have a particularly difficult day, that’s easier said than done…you just want to get him out there, let him do his “artwork” and get him back home to the office.

I do have to force myself to get into his world — but I must tell you, especially you dog owners — I promise once you relinquish yourself to enter canine mentality, your troubles will fade away.

By the time we arrived home, the client who was troubling me, seemed like a silly, silly distraction.

Thanks Trotter, I love you.

Post from: Blisstree

Canine Stress Relief.