You know what you need to do if you want to fit a man into your life?  You fit him into your life. You decide that a relationship is what you want and you pursue it. You make time and you get over the idea that his success can’t measure up to your own. Honey, somebody somewhere is always going to more successful than you are. Get over it. It’s like that saying about putting your pants on one leg at a time – we are all only human. You do not rule The World, even though you may rule Your World.

But her seven-days-a-week workday begins at 7 a.m., and the e-mailing and problem-solving can go on until as late as 10 p.m., not to mention the evenings she’s out at business events or traveling to visit clients in Toronto, Washington and other cities…Not surprisingly, she adds, “I end up canceling dates a lot.” Once, when Ptacin had rescheduled a get-together for the fourth time via text message, the man picked up the phone and “really went off on me,” she says. “He asked if we were ever going to go out or if he should just move on.” She let him move on.

No kidding. He was wise to move on. If this woman has no time to date, how is she ever going to have time to carry on a long-term relationship, a marriage, or raise a family? She won’t. You can’t have it all. You can have a lot or enough, but something has to give somewhere.  Expecting the world the revolve around you and your schedule is selfish and ridiculous. 

I don’t care if you are male or female – what good is success if you have no one to share it with? 

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Female Executives and Dating

Here are some tips for succeeding when meeting the in-laws for the first time:

• Be polite. This is your chance to use all of the tools that your parents taught you when you were growing up.  You might have thought it was annoying that they made you stick to so many rules, but this is the moment where they want you to shine.  Don’t interrupt, don’t talk with your mouth full, don’t dress inappropriately, don’t track mud into the house, etc., etc…
• Get out of your comfort zone and try new things. Families have grown up together doing the same things, but you have grown up under completely different circumstances.  It is probable that your in-laws have entirely different traditions and practices than you do, but get out of your comfort zone and try something new.  It might not be what you are used to, but it’s part of your significant other’s life so it’s important to give it a shot.  Don’t go over the top and sacrifice what you stand for most, but do push the limits for new experiences…you just might like it!
• Try to relax. It might be near impossible under these circumstances, but the only way to show your true personality is to feel relaxed.  Don’t act as you would around your peers, but do let your beautiful character shine.
• Show them how much you care. More than anything, deep down the family of your significant other wants to know that you care about your girlfriend/boyfriend as much as they do.  They want to know that you love them for who they are and help them to be the best person they can be.  Try to relax and show your love for each other without PDA (public display of affection).
• Don’t worry about judgments. Success in meeting your in-laws is achieved when you feel that you have showed them who you are and how much you care for their family member that you are dating.  Success is not when the family “approves” of you and deems you worthy of their son or daughter. If you focus too much on what they think of you then you will lose yourself.  Focus on the idea that you want to be able to walk away from the time spent together and know that you put your best self forward.
• Be positive.  The situation is stressful.  That is a fact.  If you keep a positive attitude then everything around you will just function more smoothly.  A lot of times families have their own tensions and issues already, so be a positive influence in whatever way that you can.  Be a support to your significant other because the situation is probably harder on them than it is on you.

Unfortunately first impressions are very important.  It is not the most important thing to let your in-laws “know who you are” within the time span of your first meeting.  Make a good first impression by finding a balance between letting your true personality shine and making accomodations to mix in well with their environment.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

How to Succeed When Meeting the In-Laws

So, horoscope. The logical place to start any sort of get-it-together endeavor, right?  Okay, maybe not, but they are fun and it’s late. Fun is all I’m up for. Here you go Leos and if you are one of those other less lucky, less royal-signs, you can find it here. (Just playing the role of Leo, I love all people born at any time, I promise).

French President Sarkozy’s best friend, advertising mogul Jacques Seguela, has an unusual way of measuring success. If you don’t own a Rolex watch by the time you’re 50, he says, you’re a failure. I’m inclined to propose the opposite: If you do have a Rolex watch, no matter what age you are, you’re probably a failure. To be attached to such a conspicuous status symbol is a sign that your values are dominated by the transitory trivialities of materialism. Where do you stand on the matter, Leo? It’s a good time to think about it, because you’re in a phase when clarifying your definitions of high achievement is important.

I have no Rolex-envy of any sort. Not a fan of the sort of status symbols you can buy. Sitting on the patio, in the Summer sun, surrounded by loved ones, that is my idea of success. I quest for love, never stuff. I measure wealth in kisses and hugs. Connection is my way of insuring future wealth. Cheesy, sure, but true.

I suppose that means I’m doing what I should be doing by figuring out where and what I want to be with my new man. Good to know I’m on track there.

Did you read yours? What did it say?

Image credit: All Posters.com

Post from: Blisstree

Connection Is My Currency

It is almost impossible for me to believe that there is anything more true than this in business. Except, perhaps, “if it can go wrong, it will” and “the company’s poor performance affected everyone’s bonus.”

When I am given a project, I tend to over plan…in other words, I start compiling information, identifying details and alerting team members months in advance. Missed deadlines are among my worst nightmares.

This system has often backfired on me…it seems that no matter how much time I allot, how many reminders go to certain people, how many times I ask “are you ok, will you be ready”? The end result is often the same…work is submitted late, incorrect and sometimes even downright messy.

It’s very disappointing.

If success can be measured in tangible increments, then the quality of one’s work must be one of the biggest things that managers look at. Learning to manage your time and therefore your projects, may just be the key to your success.

Post from: Blisstree

The Fire Drill: Plan a Project Properly. Please!

But I became side-tracked. As I was searching on-line for some references, I came across this Newsweek review of three new high-schoolish book titles of which the focus is how undermining, sneaky and downright mean women are to each other at work. (And maybe just in general) — how we’re supposed to navigate through this stuff and look great doing it! These books are really just $16.00 blogs.

Reading the article just made me want to take a big ‘ol nap.

My feeling is — if someone in HR were to calculate all of the working hours lost as a result of the time spent on this crap at work, there would be such shock and horror over the complete waste of resources, that whole employee manuals would be re-written and heads would roll.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be aware of the politics of women at work; I’m saying we wast too much energy taking it all so seriously.

Everyone get back to work!

And I’m sure glad I work for me…if I want to compete with myself, well that’s between me and Dr. Phil

Post from: Blisstree

Shoes and Rules About Success.

Can one learn to be a leader? Does being a good manager mean being a good leader? And if you are — or you become a great leader, does that guarantee success?

I wonder if leadership has multiple levels of meanings in the context of business? For example, leading a successful meeting is important to me (i.e., people should not be text messaging during my spiffy and gleaming PowerPoint presentation and the meeting should be over in 1 hour).

Or, shepherding an intra-departmental project to completion without having to play political chess or kill someone has often been a goal.

Are the skills required in these 2 examples similar or different than leading an entire corporation?

Again…you either have it or you don’t?

Why am I asking so many questions about this?

I present this as a topic because as a “newbie” to Blog Fabulous, I have been reading through many previous entries and observations and have found some recurring themes, such as “not being able to say no”, “people pleasing”, “over-working” and several other topics.

It dawned on me while I was reading through the material, that women may have much to re-teach themselves about how to navigate within a corporate environment (or a small business) before they even begin to contemplate leadership skills.

I read a lot of books — or rather I buy — a lot of books — about which the focus is often introspection, self-actualization and general professional/personal spackling and upkeep. I have flipped through everything from You Can Negotiate Anything to Druker’s Management: Tasks, Responsibilities and Practices, and Blink, The Tipping Point, The Art of Facilitation…on, and on and on…including many, many biographies on the Founding Fathers…(I know, right?).

Fine investments each and every one…although I probably should have picked up Excel For Losers while I was spending all this cash on books, rather than on Manolos.

There is one very important book, however…that I think all professional women should own, maybe you know it: Play Like a Man; Win Like a Woman: What Men Know About success That Women Need To Learn, by Gail Evans .

Why is this an important book to consider and study? Aside from acknowledging that women are still not sharing as much power as our male counterparts, it helps us understand how many of our female characteristics, things we learned as young girls, such as “nurturing or pleasing people” may provide us with unique contributions in the work place, but may not be helping us to get ahead.

Think about the title of the book, it is a sports metaphor and men are all about the sports metaphors in business and beyond. Heck they were raised to participate in sports and to apply the rules of the game to everything they do. And we need to at least understand how the game is played.

Here’s a great excerpt from the book: (just writing it is making me anxious).

Game Hint: “…you have a sudden inspiration about your new project. You mention it to a few people at the table. You take little heed, but the guy sitting next to you is taking notes. Then, at the next concept meeting, you hear him presenting your material as his. A foul play? Not really. At work, you can’t look at a referee and yell ‘Time out!’ There is no time out. Everything you say and everything you do is part of the game…”

If that exerpt wants to make you bop a male co-worker on the head, I understand…but that is how the game is played.

My point today is, possibly, we need to re-wire of professional subconscious to think less about feelings, fairness, generosity (many of those female qualities that are so wonderful) and think more about the game and how it is played…and WON. If we learn what men know about success then I think great leadership skills will follow.

By the way, the “team uniform” is very important, never overlook what your wardrobe is saying about you.

Post from: Blisstree

Learning to Succeed