Sorry, I digress. My rant is regarding companies that manufacture suckers. I have two problems with these companies. The first is that they make the suckers in different flavors. Are the sucker companies trying to make me prematurely grey haired? Do they not have children of their own who engage in death matches over who gets the last root beer flavored Dum-Dum? Do they not know the agony that comes from witnessing the suffering of a two year old who is left with the nasty chocolate flavored Tootsie Pop, because her five older siblings called rank and took all the good flavors? How about making one damn flavor and calling it “Yummy.” That way, when I want to reward my children with a sucker, I can avoid the stress and chaos of dealing with heart broken children and resulting fist fights.

The second issue I have with suckers is the stick. When the flavor issue comes into play and a fight breaks out, what do the children use as weapons? The thing that they already have in their hand, of course…a sucker stick! It makes a perfect torture tool. I’m sick of breaking up scuffles and trying to shield my eyeballs from the chance of being gouged by a sucker stick. I’m also tired of chanting, “Don’t run with the sucker. You could hurt yourself.” I sound like a freakin’ Gregorian monk every time we go to a birthday party. Why not change the design of the stick? Sure they have those Safe-T-Pops, but they taste nasty and look like baby rattles. My kids completely shun them.

“Why not just give your kids something besides suckers,” you are asking by now? I have considered it, but suckers are just so classic a treat. Plus, they keep my kids quiet (once they all have a flavor they like,) for a good five minutes. It is a welcome break from the usual ear splitting decibels that this house/van achieve. All I’m asking is that the sucker companies reformulate their recipe to be only one flavor and have a stick that is a cool and not so weapon-like design. Is that really so much to ask?

Post from: Blisstree

Why Suckers Really Suck