I’ve been following the Rihanna/Chris Brown “alleged” physical violence situation. What she’s doing, going back to an “alleged” abuser, it’s sadly stereotypical. I’ve read quotes from people who know both Rihanna and Chris Brown, read that Diddy offered up his home for the two to reconcile, read that her father feels he can’t get through to her, but he’s supporting her.

I’ve also read that one of her sponsors is thinking about dropping her because they are uncomfortable with the way she is handling the situation.  I know that I, for one, bought a certain mascara just because it enhanced her eyes (mine are similarly colored). It’s possible that she’s broken, but she is still a lovely girl.  Getting abused doesn’t mean she should be kept from making a living.

It’s easy to sit in judgment of a situation when you are on the outside. I’d never stay with an abusive partner, you might say.  Personally, after my experience, I wish she’d be done with him, too, but I realize that it’s not that easy.  It wasn’t easy for my mom. When my brother’s dad said that he would not do it again, she believed him. He lied.

My girls have both heard about what is going on. They were big Chris Brown fans before, only one was a Rihanna fan. Kids talk and they don’t always get the correct information. I’ve tried to talk to the girls about abuse , about how it can happen in romantic relationships with teens, as well as adults. Bailey, my older daughter, related a story about her friend who is in an abusive relationship.

I’ve spent a lot of my children’s life alone, in large part because my experience was that men hit and I did not want my family hurt. I know that not all men hit, but growing up the way that I did, it’s messed with my head a bit. I recognize this and try to fight that screwy point of view.

I want my girls to be aware, but not paranoid. I want to show a balanced point of view, but sometimes it’s a struggle. I want my girls to recognize the warning signs. I don’t ever want my beautiful girls to look like Rihanna did in that horrible photo with the heartbroken look and the bruises.

If you are a parent, have you found yourself talking to your kids about the Rihanna/Chris Brown situation?

Image credit: All Posters.com

Post from: Blisstree

Talking To Kids About Physical Violence

I put an ad up at Match.com and not much happened there. I was viewed a lot and got a few winks from some men in their fifties - not that I have a problem with men in their fifties, but I’m looking for someone who is near the same point in life that I am. I still have a child in elementary school.  I tweaked the ad a bit, added more personal opinion, information, etc, and switched to a smilier photo. Nothing. Ooh, the rejection……. sheesh.

Anyway, I put up a profile at Plenty of Fish.com and that’s been a different story…..

First of all, I am happy to report that I have heard from no “freaks.”  This is a complaint that is frequented voiced (penned?) in reference to Plenty Of Fish, as it is a free service.  I started receiving responses right away, which sort of backed up my theory that many of those guys at Match.com are registered, but not subscribed. 

The first guy sent me a poem. It was not a very good poem, but I absolutely appreciated his attempt and he sounded very proud of it. I talked to him a couple of times, then didn’t hear from him again.  I was polite and I tried to keep an open mind, but I kind of knew he was not what I was looking for in that first email.

The second guy emailed once, the first day my profile went up, then nothing until last night. I emailed back and forth with him for a bit, but decided that my friend might like him more than I did.  He seemed more her type – well more her type before this last guy that she’s been seeing off and on.  I emailed back and forth saying that I was going to show him to my friend. He kept writing back, why her? Tell me about her?

I explained her good points in a few emails. Was he not reading what I wrote? Then, this morning I saw that I missed his last message when was basically why her? why not you?  Was he really trying to get me to say, “I’m sorry, but I am not attracted to you”?  Is that what men like – that complete directness?  Probably. Personally, I perfer they fade off or they say, “I think we aren’t a good match,” something gentle.  I don’t ever want to hear that someone finds me unattractive. I don’t need to know every thought or opinion that is floating around a guy’s head. If I ask, tell me, but otherwise skip it. Move on.

I chatted with a man on im last night – Plenty of Fish has an im feature. He seemed nice, but he is unemployed (I’ve already been dealing with one unemployed man for a year now) and he was very opinionated about my son and his care. My son, Max, is an 18-year-old boy with Cerebral Palsy. I’ve been parenting him for a long time. I am not in need of advice or criticism about how he should have been taught something like sign language.  He cannot do sign language, buddy. He does not have control of his hands. He questioned his therapy – did I stretch him enough, etc.  I only spoke to this man for about 20 minutes and had never emailed with him.  

For some reason, I went ahead and gave him my phone number, but later I thought about my reservations and it occurred to me that if he was that aggressive in his opinions and criticisms to a stranger, then that behavior would only grow stronger when I got to know him better. I emailed him and said that I enjoyed talking to him, but that I felt we were not a good match.

The fourth guy seemed the most promising in that I found his photo to be attractive and he shared a lot of my interests – hiking, biking, camping, movies. Well, getting this guy to talk is near impossible.  I ask him questions, thinking maybe he doesn’t know what to say and is in need of conversation starters. Still just a sentence or two in response. Steady are the responses, but after a week and about 7 or 8 emails a piece, I still feel as if I know nothing about him.  He keeps making the comment that he is typing two-fingered and it’s slow going. Okay, take your time then, but if you want to continue talking to me then say something. 

Today I mentioned that our family pet guinea pig died and he wrote back with no mention of it. Nothing. Instead he said, “I hear Yes, Man is a good movie.”  My friend had the same thing happen with a man.  She mentioned that her family pet was very ill and he said, “Cool.”  This guy did not say “cool,” but he either did not care or did not read what I wrote.  Is this a male thing – family pets die and it’s not big deal?  Around my house, this is a big deal. I fed that little guy with a syringe trying to save him.

Here’s my point – I like to keep an open mind, but I need to set up a list of what I will and won’t be okay with in terms of meeting these guys. If getting someone to talk is like pulling teeth and he has not asked for my phone number, then chances are he really has no interest in getting to know me. When I get involved again, I’d like it to go fairly easy this time.  If it’s too much work to get it started, then I’m not interested in taking a relationship on. I’ve got enough to challenge me in my every day. I’d like to meet a man to actually relax with and have fun.

What do you think?  Are you using an online dating service?  Any luck?  Any un-luck?

Post from: Blisstree

My Experience With Online Dating