I have mentioned in some of my previous posts that, unfortunately for many of us, a first impression is very important.  It’s a natural characteristic to feel welcomed or off-put by someone during the first time that you spend together.  You will get a feel for whether they are down-to-earth or putting on a facade.  This doesn’t mean that opinions won’t change over time, but for starting a friendship getting off on the right foot sometimes goes a long way. 

It is a fact of life that many people that you encounter, male or female, are competitive.  It’s usually a subconscious reaction, but it occurs often and it can definitely be a source of tension in girl-girl relationships.  If someone has even the slightest twinge of low self-confidence then they could feel somehow threatened by something about you that is compeltely innocuous…your clothes, your salary, your boyfriend, your attractiveness, your friends, etc.  If you meet a new girl it might be easy for her to quickly size you up, feel threatened, and give you the cold shoulder.  If this happens, I don’t think you should give up on the possibility of a future friendship!  It might take a little bit of work on your part to reach out to the girl and let her know that you are in no way a threat:  you aren’t trying to steal anyone’s boyfriend and be better at anyone than anything.  You are just trying to be friends!

My biggest strategy in making new girl friends is not to be judgmental.  Don’t take offense to anyhing too quickly and accept that a lot of people aren’t open to the idea of letting someone new into their life right away.  Maybe they want you to prove yourself a little before they let you in…and that’s okay!  You haven’t had the time to get to know them yet so you don’t know what experiences they’ve gone through that make them who they are.  Just remember that some of your best friends probably have faults that you completely overlook because you love them and know them so well.  The new girl you’re hanging out with who doesn’t seem to be very friendly could actually end up being one of your closest friends if you keep trying to break through her shell.  Show her kindness and thoughtfulness and don’t over-analyze yourself.  If you are confident and secure in who you are and how you treat other people, then you can be sure that eventually she will see that and get over the subconscious aversion she might have to your friendship.

I’m not saying that everyone can be your friend, but I am saying that sometimes it takes a little work.  As you get older it’s not easy to let new people in and it might not happen as naturally as it did in college.  If you have been someone who has always had trouble making girl friends, now is the time to change your approach!  Be confident and comfortable and don’t judge anyone too soon.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Trouble Making Girl Friends?

There were definitely the couples who got married right out of college…but those were outliers.  They had been dating since freshman year and it was very expected that they would get married young.  It didn’t cause any big commotion amongst our friends because the wedding was such a great college reunion.  Now is the time when it has really started to become a pattern.

As soon as I realized that this stage of my life had officially begun, I was interested in seeing how those in long term relationships would start to respond.  Couple who have just started dating know that they are a long ways from engagement so they don’t have such a strong reaction.  They see what is going on around them, but know that their situation is different.

Couples who have been dating for a very long time, on the other hand, feel the most pressure.  They wonder what it is that those engaged couples have that they don’t…How did they know that they were ready to take that next step?  Are we waiting for something that isn’t going to happen?  Did we miss the moment where we were supposed to propose?  Are we going to know when we’re ready?  Do people look at us and wonder why we’re not engaged?

I think these worries can cause unneeded and excessive stress on a relationship.  Every couple needs to remember that they are the only ones that really truly understand themselves as a couple and the decisions of others around them are irrelevent.  There is no perfect timeline for dating and then getting engaged and there are no social expectations that anyone needs to feel pressure to conform to.  Some people date for three days and get engaged and some people date for ten years and never get engaged.

Regardless of what your peers are doing, you know what is right for your relationship and you will know when the time is right to take that next step forward.  Be introspective, talk to your significant other, and make the right decisions for you.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Why Is Everyone Else Getting Engaged?

So many folks (including some of my family members) simply assume that if those with eating disorders just “got a handle” on their eating habits all would be fine and dandy. But that’s not how it works.

For example, I do not withhold nourishment from my body anymore. I do not starve myself. Yet I can never totally allow myself to feel 100% “recovered” because the issues (that have nothing to do with eating, by the way) that led to my battles with anorexia definitely still affect me.

So if eating disorders aren’t generally about food, feeding oneself or looking great in a bikini, what are they about? For me, they’re an amalgamation of the following:

1. Desire for Control-I have a strong desire to be in control of everything in my life. But, as they say, “poopy” happens. When the unexpected occurs, my mind wants to be able to control something, anything… such as my food intake and my weight.

2. Growing up Hearing “Fat People” Had Little Worth-Every kid knows when their parents have little regard for heavier persons or children. Snide remarks made on a daily basis (followed by clucking tongues or rude jokes) send a strong message:  Fat People are Worthless.

3. Low Self-Esteem-It’s strange. When I was very young, I had great self-esteem, but then it tanked. I think what happened was that I started to get chubby in elementary school and consequently began to be treated by some family members as unattractive and sloppy. As I look back, I realize that I was overeating because there was tension in my household I didn’t understand. Thus, I gained pounds and it felt as though loved ones were ashamed me because of it.

4. Depression-Now, this could probably be considered a symptom of other issues, too. But I do think that having a predisposition to clinical depression makes one more susceptible to developing an eating disorder, especially if other triggers are in place.

I’m sure there were other reasons I used eating as a way to cope with feelings and experiences; however, I hope the above four illustrate just why weight and food have little to do with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia and ED-NOS (eating disorders not otherwise specified.)

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Post from: Blisstree

Eating disorders aren’t about eating