From page 81 in AA’s 12&12;
“Such gross misbehavior is not by any means a full catalogue of the harms we do. Let us think of some of the subtler ones which can sometimes be quite as damaging. Suppose that in our family lives we happen to be miserly, irresponsible, callous, or cold. Suppose that we are irritable, critical, impatient, and humorless. Suppose we lavish attention upon one member of the family and neglect the others.”
Through the years I’ve watched my share of alcoholics who’ve, unfortunately, allowed themselves to return to selfishness and self-centeredness. In quite a few instances these folks …read more

Knowing I’m not alone, it was part and parcel of the deal – from today’s reading;
Didn’t We Hurt Anybody?
“Some of us, though, tripped over a very different snag. We clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurt anybody but ourselves.”
Wow, were we ever self-centered??? Yet, that was what I believed and it was the point! Though I wasn’t up to task. When the time came (and it did often) I couldn’t pull the final “plug.” Thank God…
“My parents, who had been deeply hurt by my isolation from them, my employer, who worried about my absences, my memory lapses, …read more

Today’s Daily Reflections speaks of removing the ground glass in us. Damn – that’s sounds and “feels” painful…
Remember, from the Seventh Step;
“In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life.”
I’d asked God for dozens of do-overs, never believing there was any hope. In addition, I sure didn’t exactly perceive that were I to be graced with a new life that, by necessity, it would have to be born through pain!
“But this admission price had purchased more than we expected. It brought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain.”
In …read more

No, this is not about a bar fight anymore…
And it will eliminate the “easier, softer way” the Internet offers.
“When listing the people we have harmed, most of us hit another solid obstacle. We got a pretty severe shock when we realized that we were preparing to make a face-to-face admission of our wretched conduct to those we had hurt.”
I love the way Bill calls things – “wretched conduct.” He pulls no punches with his words.
“It had been embarrassing enough when in confidence we had admitted these things to God, to ourselves, and to another human being.”
I’d wonder about that. Was …read more

Don’t bet your life on it…
“Every A.A. has found that he can make little headway in this new adventure of living until he first backtracks and really makes an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreckage he has left in his wake.”
Accurate and unsparing! Do you now know why the Fourth Step said “Searching and Fearless?” Oh, BTW – note it says the human wreckage we left behind. There are no mistakes. It is time to stand up and accept responsibility.
“To a degree, he has already done this when taking a moral inventory, but now the time has come …read more

That’s right – “Steps Eight and Nine are concerned with personal relationships.”
Thought – if you’re new and having troubles with your personal relationships and thinking of drinking, don’t keep it to yourself and think perhaps you can solve it on your own! Meetings, sponsor, oldtimers.
Make note – From the 12&12, page 77;
“First, we take a look backward and try to discover where we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we have done; and third, having thus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how, with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, …read more

Once upon a time when I was a car salesman I lost jobs because I was told I was too honest. Then, and now, I still see polls that show that one of the Top Ten Most Dishonest jobs is a car salesman. So, I’m grateful.
Naturally, I consider that, in “those days,” I was drinking so how honest could I have been? I suppose only my customers could say…
When working an Eighth and Ninth Step there is a lengthy discussion in the Big Book about just exactly how honest we ought to be. The answer, for me, is on page …read more

As a reminder;
The Tablemate was an early A.A. set of beginners lessons entitled ‘Alcoholics Anonymous: An Interpretation of the Twelve Steps,’ put out in the form of a little pamphlet. It was (and still is) the most successful set of A.A. beginners lessons ever devised.
And I’m drawing content from the Hindsfoot site, laboriously prepared by Glenn C. and others… We moved into Discussion No. 3: Inventory and Restitution Part I recently, and now, Inventory and Restitution Part II.
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Step No. 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Which is true in my case as well as many others whom I’ve known in sobriety. It just doesn’t work!
Yet the most foolish continue to go about their self-centered, selfish ways and engage in this conduct.
Beginning on page 80;
“The chances are that we have domestic troubles. Perhaps we are mixed up with women in a fashion (works both ways folks) we wouldn’t care to have advertised.”
True for me. And for her. I was the cause. She was the recipient of the emotional harm.
“After a few years with an alcoholic, a wife gets worn out, resentful and uncommunicative. How could she …read more

“Into Action” speaks about our Eighth and Ninth Steps. On page 79, while mentioning that reparations take innumerable forms “some general principles which we find guiding” are spoken of.
We are then reminded “that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience.”
“No matter what the personal consequences may be.” We are also reminded to think first…
“Usually, however, other people are involved. Therefore, we are not to be the hasty and foolish martyr who would needlessly sacrifice others to save himself from the alcoholic pit.”
Furthermore;
“Before taking drastic action which might implicate other people we secure their consent. …read more