“Some will object to many of the questions posed, because they think their own character defects have not been so glaring. To these it can be suggested that a conscientious examination is likely to reveal the very defects the objectionable questions are concerned with. Because our surface record hasn’t looked too bad, we have frequently been abashed to find that this is so simply because we have buried these self-same defects deep down in us under thick layers of self-justification. Whatever the defects, they have finally ambushed us into alcoholism and misery.” 12 & 12, pgs 53-54

Hence, (I believe), the “profundity” if you spot it, you got it.

Then… another “no co-incidence.” Going back a few readings and meditations to see what else relates to Oscar the Grouch for a day, I find this;

“During the times I didn’t have love in my life I most assuredly had fear. To fear God is to be afraid of joy. In looking back, I realize that, during the times I feared God most, there was no joy in my life. As I learned not to fear God, I also learned to experience joy.”

An answer… how about that?

[Graphic credit to 123Posters]

Post from: Blisstree

“Go away and LEAVE ME ALONE!!”

1. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. (64:0)

2. Our liquor was but a symptom. (64:0)

3. Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. (64:3)

4. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. (64:3)

5. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. (65:3)

6. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived. (66:0)

7. It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these (resentments), do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. (66:1)

8. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it (resentment) is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. (66:1)

9. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. (66:2)

10. We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. (66:3)

11. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. (66:3)

12. This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick.

13. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. (66:4)

14. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. (67:4)

15. “Fear” This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune. (67:3)

16. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity. (68:2)

17. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear. (68:3)

18. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. (70:1)

19. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. (70:1)

20. If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have written down a lot. (70:3)

21. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. (70:3)

22. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. (70:3)

23. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. (70:3)

24. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. (70:3)

25. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can. (70:3)

Post from: Blisstree

Fourth Step Promises

“We have also seen men and women who go power-mad, who devote themselves to attempting to rule their fellows.”

For ex. – this comment.

Forward to pg. 44 – “Whenever a human being becomes a battleground for the instincts, there can be no peace.”

In response to a post where I’m disagreeing with the concept of “Meeting Makers Make It” someone takes the time, lacking any communication, to immediately make a defamatory remark about “not working the program of action” to another human being, knowing nothing at all about that person and going to length to belittle the word “recovering” which isn’t mentioned in the post at all. What does this tell me? I can’t say for certain, but the guess is that the commenter is reading the right blog.

“Every time a person imposes his instincts unreasonably upon others, unhappiness follows.”

Meetings have nothing to do with the program of Alcoholics Anonymous??? You have truly got to be kidding, or insane, still. Perhaps we should all go downtown and attempt to spew the Twelve Steps all over drunks in the alley ways. Maybe we ought to stand on barstools and preach recovery to drunks who’ve been sitting in their same stools for decades – they’re sure to listen. Where else do I get as many opportunities to practice the principles of recovery as I do in meetings?

“When an individual’s desire for prestige becomes uncontrollable, whether in the sewing circle or at the international conference table, other people suffer and often revolt. This collision of instincts can produce anything from a cold snub to a blazing revolution.”

And if you even approach the implication that somehow I am responsible for the death of anyone – you’re going to get a blazing revolution, from me.

I have the ability to place something out of context myself… here, follow this;

“We have drunk for vainglory – that we might the more enjoy foolish dreams of pomp and power. This perverse soul-sickness is not pleasant to look upon.”

I imagine if you’re recovered and I’m not a real alcoholic then I’m less than and you’re better than. A foolish dream and not pleasant to look upon!

Go write your own book.

Post from: Blisstree

Anger, Jealousy, Revenge Likely To Be Aroused

Just my personal opinion now – if I’m afforded the luxury of having time to think, even momentarily, at what appears fearful, it is one thing. On the other hand, if I have no opportunity to consider, am taken completely by surprise instantly, it is an entirely different situation.

It happened over ten years ago. My youngest son was coming to stay with me for the summer. We had had our conversations and had made arrangements. Unknown to me because it happened while he was on the road traveling to meet me, there was a change in the bus schedule and he wasn’t being dropped off where we originally had planned.

I hadn’t heard my ex-wife’s voice in quite some time. Strangely enough, I answered the phone at work prior to leaving to pick him up. I rarely answered the phone as I had folks who did it as part of their job. This is one of the multitude of moments where I’m willing to say that God has a weird sense of humor.

Of course, it was her, the dreaded mother of my children!!! At the sound of her voice, I’ll never forget it, a feeling swept over me. My fingertips and my toes (and a few other places) began to feel like I had frost bite. Within seconds they were burning with a sensation I’d never felt before nor since.

Fear hadn’t done that to me prior to that moment.

I won’t get into why it was fear, I’ll leave that to your imagination. My feelings about it are that my sponsor, Rick, was right on point on the day he told me that the emotional wreckage of the divorce had traumatized me.

Today I am truly blessed. The Twelve Steps have, in addition to helping me stay away from a drink of alcohol, returned me emotionally to the person I believe my God wanted me to be. But I am wary and aware constantly. On guard for the unguarded moment.

[This entry influenced by today's Daily Reflection, John's comment and John's post]

Post from: Blisstree

What Do You Tell Your Gut When It Goes “Oh Sh**!”

There are two words which offer me relief personally when they are preceded by “confidence” and the implication of peace of mind – “at last.”

The inventory must be four things:

1. It must be honest. Why waste time fooling ourselves with a phony list? We have fooled ourselves for years, we tried to fool others, and now is a good time to look ourselves squarely in the eye.
2. It must be searching. Why skip over a vital matter lightly and quickly? Our trouble is a grave mental disease, confused by screwy thinking. Therefore, we must search diligently and fearlessly to get at the truth of what is wrong with us – - just dig in and search.
3. It must be fearless. We must not be afraid we might find things in our heart, mind and soul that we will hate to discover. If we do find such things they may be the root of our trouble.
4. It must be a moral inventory.

I had been fooling myself for a very long time. That fact wasn’t at all clear to me. What was much more distinct was that I had been fooling others, specifically my family. And, it wasn’t in fun.

Screwy thinking? This also was unclear. No one had ever been able to get through to me what a powerful negative thinker I’d become.

Find things in my heart, mind and soul? That I’d hate to discover? I was already a purple passion hater – of myself. Why would I want to go discovering more about me that I could hate? Because “at last” I might find a level of peace of mind and happiness unknown to me before. And because I’d made a commitment to go to any lengths not to drink again…

Post from: Blisstree

Honest Searching Fearless and Moral

4th STEP Prayers

WHEN IN DOUBT

“I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure.”
(p.13)

WHEN I AM DISTURBED BY THE CONDUCT (SYMPTOMS) OF OTHERS

“This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”
(p. 67 BB)

God help me to show this person the same tolerance, pity and patience that I would Cheerfully grant a sick friend. This is a sick person, how can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.
(see above and p. 141 of 12&12)

WHEN I AM AFRAID

“We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.”
(p. 68 BB)

God, relieve me of this fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be. AMEN
(see above)

WHEN I AM AWARE OF MY OWN DEFECTS AND SEEKING GOD’S HELP TO CHANGE

“We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. . . we ask God what we should do about each specific matter.”
(p. 69 BB)

God mold my ideals in this particular area of my life and help me to live up to them. What should I do in each specific matter? Guide me God and give me strength to do right. AMEN
(see above)

[Edited to bring it into the "now"]

Post from: Blisstree

Fourth Step Prayers

I haven’t paid attention all that often – usually only when I need to the most. Like now.

Today’s Daily Reflection;

“We want to find exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves. By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction.”

Emotional deformities – that’ll stop ya’!

The response to the reflection says;

“Today I am no longer a slave to alcohol, yet in so many ways enslavement still threatens – my self, my desires, even my dreams. Yet without dreams I cannot exist: without dreams there is nothing to keep me moving forward.”

If I left the talk there I’d ignore the solution…

“I must look inside myself, to free myself. I must call upon God’s power to face the person I’ve feared the most, the true me, the person God created me to be.”

Whom I know only so slightly…

“Unless I can or until I do, I will always be running, and never be truly free. I ask God daily to show me such a freedom.”

I’m tired of running. I’d like to be free. It feels so much better.

I have a dream.

Post from: Blisstree

Never Give Up The Dream

“Pain shared in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous is cut in half; Joy shared in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous is doubled!”

Also heard in meetings and known, by personal experience, to be true…

More reality from the Daily Reflection;

“When I stopped drinking I began a lifetime process of recovery from unruly emotions, painful relationships, and unmanageable situations.”

Positively.

“This process is too much for most of us without help from a Higher Power and our friends in the Fellowship.”

Most of us? Sure have a sense of uniqueness from that statement, though I’m certain I’m not alone, I’m also certain to be envious of anyone who CAN do it without a Higher Power and our Fellowship!

“When I began working the Steps of the A.A. program, many of these tangled threads unraveled but, little by little, the most broken places of my life straightened out.”

Little by little, little by slowly, little by “if it was any slower,” frozen molasses would flow uphill.

“I began to experience moments of contentment. My emotions became less volatile. I am now once again a part of the human family.”

Brief, very brief, moments of contentment. Don’t forget – “The Lord Giveth and The Lord Taketh Away.” Bad frame of mind…

Post from: Blisstree

Fear Profits No Man

“The Language of the Heart”

The story creates a symbolic picture graphically which tells Bill “that I may attain ‘humility for today’ only to the extent that I am able to avoid the bog of guilt and rebellion, and that fair but deceiving land which is strewn with the coin of Pride.”

He then offers that “this is how I can find and stay on the Road to Humility which lies in between. Therefore, a constant inventory which can reveal when I am off the road is always in order.”

That seems to me to be closer to the Tenth Step than the Fourth. What follows though, is a few sentences that I can relate to what I heard recently from many folks who were “taking responsibility” for their actions but weren’t really working a Fourth Step??? It sure is one thing to speak in a meeting and sound good and another thing to go “out there” in the real world and not do the same things over again. I.E. – nothing changes if nothing changes.

“Of course, our first attempts at such inventories are apt to prove very unrealistic. I used to be a champ at unrealistic self-appraisal. I wanted to look only at the part of my life which seemed good. Then I would greatly exaggerate whatever virtues I supposed I had attained. Next I would congratulate myself on the grand job I was doing. So my unconscious self-deception never failed to turn my few good assets into serious liabilities.”

I can identify – a master of self-delusion…

“This astonishing process was always a pleasant one. Naturally this generated a terrible hankering for still more ‘accomplishments,’ and still more approval. I was falling straight back into the pattern of my drinking days.”

Please… be paying attention.

“Here were the same old goals – power, fame, and applause. Besides, I had the best alibi known – the spiritual alibi. The fact that I really did have a spiritual objective always made this utter nonsense seem perfectly right. I couldn’t tell a good coin from a bad one; it was spiritual gold-bricking at its worst. I shall forever regret the damage I did to people around me.”

The keyword is change.

Post from: Blisstree

Spiritual Gold-Bricking [Unrealistic Inventory]

The Tablemate was an early A.A. set of beginners lessons entitled ‘Alcoholics Anonymous: An Interpretation of the Twelve Steps,’ put out in the form of a little pamphlet. It was (and still is) the most successful set of A.A. beginners lessons ever devised.

And I’m drawing content from the Hindsfoot site, laboriously prepared by Glenn C. and others… We now move into Discussion No. 3: Inventory and Restitution (I)

****************************************

Step No. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

The intent and purpose of this step is plain. All alcoholics have a definite need for a good self-analysis – - a sort of self-appraisal. Other people have certainly analyzed us, appraised us, criticized us and even judged us. It might be a good idea to judge ourselves, calmly and honestly. We need inventory because:

1. Either our faults, weaknesses, defects of character, are the cause of our drinking,
2. or our drinking has weakened our character and led us into all kinds of wrong action, wrong attitudes, wrong viewpoints.

In either event we obviously need an inventory and the only kind of inventory to make is a good one. Moreover, the job is up to us. We created or we let develop all the anti-social actions that got us in the wrong. So we have got to work it out. We must make out a list of our faults and then we must do something about it.

The inventory must be four things:

1. It must be honest. Why waste time fooling ourselves with a phony list? We have fooled ourselves for years, we tried to fool others, and now is a good time to look ourselves squarely in the eye.
2. It must be searching. Why skip over a vital matter lightly and quickly? Our trouble is a grave mental disease, confused by screwy thinking. Therefore, we must search diligently and fearlessly to get at the truth of what is wrong with us – - just dig in and search.
3. It must be fearless. We must not be afraid we might find things in our heart, mind and soul that we will hate to discover. If we do find such things they may be the root of our trouble.
4. It must be a moral inventory.

Some, in error, think the inventory is a lot of unpaid debts, plus a list of unmade apologies. Our trouble lies much deeper.

We will find the root of our trouble lies in Resentments, False Pride, Envy, Jealousy, Selfishness and many other things. Laziness is an important one. In other words we are making an inventory of our character: our attitude toward others, our very way of living.

We are not preparing a financial statement. We will pay our bills all right, because we cannot even begin to practice A.A. without honesty.

Post from: Blisstree

The Tablemate – Discussion No. 3 Inventory and Restitution Part I