There are really Twenty

There are actually about 238 total in the Big Book

1. We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. (77:2)

2. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result. (78:0)

3. In nine cases out of ten the unexpected happens. (78:1)

4. Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress. (78:1)

5. We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them. (78:2)

6. Perhaps there are some cases where the utmost frankness is demanded. No outsider can appraise such an intimate situation. (82:1)

7. Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won’t fill the bill at all. (83:1)

8. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. (83:4)

9. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. (83:4)

10. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. (83:4)

11. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. (83:4)

12. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. (84:0)

13. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. (84:0)

14. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. (84:0)

15. Self-seeking will slip away. (84:0)

16. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. (84:0)

17. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. (84:0)

18. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. (84:0)

19. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. (84:0)

20. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us-sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. (84:1)

Find all the promises here – AA History Lovers Group at Yahoo!

Post from: Blisstree

The Ninth Step Promises Are More Than Twelve

“There can be only one consideration which should qualify our desire for a complete disclosure of the damage we have done. That will arise in the occasional situation where to make a full revelation would seriously harm the one to whom we are making amends. Or – quite as important – other people. We cannot, for example, unload a detailed account of extramarital adventuring upon the shoulders of our unsuspecting wife or husband. And even in those cases where such a matter must be discussed, let’s try to avoid harming third parties, whoever they may be. It does not lighten our burden when we recklessly make the crosses of others heavier.”

I have known those who were heartless, cruel and self-centered in the extreme to the extent that “making amends” in a program of recovery did not take into consideration the lives and feelings of others. Usually these folks are the types who continue to admit they have left things out, important things. They sometimes take the form of those who openly contradict what many would call the majority experience. And… they sound good.

Of course, they eventually do what few of this type escape – they drink again.

Post from: Blisstree

Do Not Make The Crosses Of Others Heavier

Listening to newcomers at today’s Noon meeting I heard it again. What I sounded like with the same amount of “sober” time. Especially when I attempted to speak about what my father “did” to me to make me drink. That is until an oldtimer asked me if my father poured any booze down my throat.

From today’s Daily Reflections;

I Am Responsible

“For the readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine.”

“The very thing I fear is my freedom. It comes from my tendency to recoil from taking responsibility for anything: I deny, I ignore, I blame, I avoid. Then one day, I look, I admit, I accept. The freedom, the healing and the recovery I experience is in the looking, admitting and accepting. I learn to say, ‘Yes, I am responsible.’ When I can speak those words with honesty and sincerity, then I am free.”

FREE!

Post from: Blisstree

I Am Responsible

“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible”

This reflection speaks of not being able to make amends to those folks who were casual acquaintances. People who passed through our lives briefly or barely. Like those neighbors I used to live near who no doubt heard my late night yelling…

“The only amends I can make to those untraceable individuals, the only ‘changes for the better’ I can offer, are indirect amends made to other people, whose paths briefly cross mine. Courtesy and kindness, regularly practiced, help me to live in emotional balance, at peace with myself.”

Just a personal thought – as you’re being courteous and kind to your fellow man today, don’t get carried away with your wonderfulness. You’re simply acting as our Higher Power had intended us to act from jump street. Nothing to be taking credit for…

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A Step Towards Emotional Balance

First Things First – changing wherever to whenever gives a different meaning…

The Very Spirit;

“The readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine.”

Full consequences. Not partial, half, a little bit or just some. Full.

The only exceptions? Cases where our disclosure would cause actual harm.

Not delaying because we are afraid…

“Earnestly asking God’s help and guidance – meanwhile resolving to do the right thing when it becomes clear, cost what it may?”

And – the right thing is clear to you exactly how? Oh, yeah – “lay the matter before our sponsor or spiritual adviser.”

Specific and direct instructions.

Do it!

Post from: Blisstree

Step Nine

Those who don’t grow will inevitably go – back to drinking (drugging, overeating, etc.). Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.

Let’s take a shot (and I mean shoot at it lol) at complacency. From today’s Daily Reflection;

“Sobriety fills the painful ‘hole in my soul’ that my alcoholism created. Often I feel so physically well that I believe my work is done.”

Were we to leave it right there I’d imagine many would get a different idea. Sounds like we could be approaching finished doesn’t it? Then – that horrible word – however…

“However, joy is not just the absence of pain; it is the gift of continued spiritual awakening. Joy comes from ongoing and active study, as well as application of the principles of recovery in my everyday life, and from sharing that experience with others.”

Another area where man (we alkies) sells newcomers short, sometimes have a tendency to show favoritism towards certain folks whom we approve of to speak at speaker meetings, ignoring many at the expense of a few. Yet, without doubt, HP levels the playing field (in His time).

“My Higher Power presents many opportunities for deeper spiritual awakening. I need only to bring into my recovery the willingness to grow. Today I am ready to grow.”

Post from: Blisstree

Grow – Or – Go…

Thought – if you’re new and having troubles with your personal relationships and thinking of drinking, don’t keep it to yourself and think perhaps you can solve it on your own! Meetings, sponsor, oldtimers.

Make note – From the 12&12, page 77;

“First, we take a look backward and try to discover where we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we have done; and third, having thus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how, with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may develop the best possible relations with every human being we know.”

And then it says “This is a very large order” to which I thought, in the beginning, oh screw this one! Amazing I would think that because the lack of good relationships was/is the primary emotional pain of my very being.

I can attest today that this is true;

“Learning how to live in the greatest peace, partnership, and brotherhood with all men and women, of whatever description, is a moving and fascinating adventure.”

An adventure that I often want to not live through because of its disturbances, but I make it with your help. Relationships, even after time sober, can still be major challenges, especially with those you love.

But I said I was willing to do whatever it took and I still am!

Post from: Blisstree

Oh No! Personal Relationships!!!

Naturally, I consider that, in “those days,” I was drinking so how honest could I have been? I suppose only my customers could say…

When working an Eighth and Ninth Step there is a lengthy discussion in the Big Book about just exactly how honest we ought to be. The answer, for me, is on page 80. Referring to a wrong a man felt he could not possibly make right, here is what follows;

“After consulting with his wife and partner he came to the conclusion that it was better to take those risks than to stand before his Creator quilty of such ruinous slander. He saw that he had to place the outcome in God’s hands or he would soon start drinking again, and all would be lost anyhow.”

Please let me remind you, this works for me – I don’t want to face the prospect of standing before St. Peter at the pearly gates and have him ask me questions that I won’t have an honest answer for… I’ll do whatever it takes to be as close to 100% honest as I can be. Besides, the God I understand today will forgive me for anything as long as I’m willing to be forgiven. Oh, and I don’t go running around using that as an excuse for poor behavior because I know that same God can see right through that crappola.

Post from: Blisstree

Honesty – But To What Extent?

The Tablemate was an early A.A. set of beginners lessons entitled ‘Alcoholics Anonymous: An Interpretation of the Twelve Steps,’ put out in the form of a little pamphlet. It was (and still is) the most successful set of A.A. beginners lessons ever devised.

And I’m drawing content from the Hindsfoot site, laboriously prepared by Glenn C. and others… We moved into Discussion No. 3: Inventory and Restitution Part I recently, and now, Inventory and Restitution Part II.

***************************************

Step No. 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Under this step we will make a written* list of those we have harmed. We ask God to let his will be done, not our will, and ask for the strength and courage to become willing to forget resentments and false pride and make amends to those we have harmed. We must not do this step grudgingly, or as an unpleasant task to be rid of quickly. We must do it willingly, fairly, and humbly – - without condescension.

*The original Detroit pamphlet said “a list (mental or written),” but the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions later made it clear that it needed to be written.

Step No. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

This is where we make peace with ourselves by making peace with those we have hurt. The amends we make must be direct. We must pay in kind for the hurt we have done them.

• If we have cheated we must make restitution.
• If we have hurt their feelings we must ask forgiveness from them.

The list of harms done may be long but the list of amends is equally long. For every wrong we have done, there is a right we may do to compensate.
There is only one exception. We must develop a sense of justice, a spirit of fairness, an attitude of common sense. If our effort to make amends would create further harm or cause a scandal, we will have to skip the direct amends and clean the matter up under Step Five.

Post from: Blisstree

The Tablemate – Discussion No. 3 Inventory and Restitution Part II

He’s been here before. A few years ago. He was disruptive then and he was disruptive last night – but not too bad, thankfully. Our meeting went along with just a couple of bumps, then the policeman showed up. It wasn’t over…

He’d shown up late. During the meeting we discovered he’d driven himself to the church because the officer popped into the room and asked who was driving a particular vehicle. What became apparent later was that there had been reports to the police from the local neighborhood about this person driving erratically. After the meeting we discovered that one of our members, who is a long-term, good standing sober member of our group, had been run off the road by this person on the way to the meeting!

The police could not arrest this person – he was not in his vehicle when they arrived, they had not seen him driving. They did thoroughly explain to this young man that were he to get into his car to attempt to drive away that he would be arrested.

So, the questions become – what would you do if this person asked you for a ride home? What would you have done had the police not been there?

I’ll take this moment to remind us of “the very spirit of Step Nine.”

[Image credit - Daniel Wildman]

Post from: Blisstree

A Real Live Drunk Showed Up [Would you know what to do?]