I have so many questions about the whole idea of getting engaged and how it seems to occur so suddenly to everyone between the ages of 25 and 30.  I’m wondering if I am completely alone here or if there are others my age who find this whole societal pattern worth investigating…

• Why is there still so much tradition? The sex roles in our country have progressed in so many ways, but the engagement/proposal process seems to be stuck.  Boy buys diamond ring, boy plans cute way to pop the question, girl is surprised, girl says ‘yes’, girls spends a year planning a ceremony with a white dress and colorful bridesmaids.

• Is it primarily the male who decides that ‘it’s time’? Related to the idea of tradition, it seems that the man still proposes to the woman in most cases, so is he the one controlling the decision?

• Is there a level of maturity that humans reach at this age that allows for lifetime companionship?

• Do couples feel rushed or pressured by other couples who are engaged/married?

• Do couples who get engaged during this age range have a higher or lower success rate in marriage as couples who marry at other ages?

• Do we feel like American culture and societal pressures push us to get engaged during this period of our lives?

I am really so happy for all of my friends who are now engaged and I love that they have reached the point in their lives where they have found a perfect mate and are ready to be married, but I just want to understand this cultural tradition a little bit more.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Engagement Seems To Be Contagious

I can see why some of the items are on the list. I have had three rice cookers, all three given to me by my dad, and I have rarely used them. I have a bread machine that I use constantly for pizza dough. I’ve only made bread in it a few times and one time I made a huge batch of dough for cinnamon rolls (I was a hit with the neighborhood kids), but for pizza dough, it’s a real time saver.

Also on that list – books. Books?  I love books. I have a large collection of cookbooks and while I do look things up on the internet, I love to sit down with my cookbooks and find new dishes. I’m never going to be a kindle person, because I love holding the book in my hands, looking at the glossy photos, making notes on the pages, looking at the books lined up neatly on the shelf. The idea that books might grow obsolete just does not make sense to me. It’s heresy. Honestly, it makes my stomach hurt a little.

Ice cream makers are lumped with bread machines, they don’t even get their own place on the list, the author finds them that worthless. I don’t have an ice cream maker now, but I did at one time and we would use it a couple of times a month. It wasn’t the most cost effective appliance, but the kids loved it and some things you do just because they are fun. The same goes for the Polaroid camera. Some things in life are not about ease, they are about the process.

When I was a kid, my grandma had an old school ice cream maker that required rock salt and an incredible amount of noise. I can remember the machine going at family reunions and the ice cream took forever in coming, but the taste of that fresh vanilla or strawberry desert was better than anything else I had ever tasted.

When I think about Grandma’s machine, the whole family reunion experience is there – in and out the back door with the cousins, the warm sun, smelling something on Grandpa’s barbeque, swimming in the pool, lots of hugs and kisses. Not everything is about fast, easy, and convenient. Slow down. Pull that useless ice cream maker off the shelf and make something cold and yummy with the kids.

Image credit: Directron.com

Post from: Blisstree

Don’t Throw Out the Ice Cream Maker

Today I found something about using biodata to find a potential mate.  Biodata is essentially a resume that focuses a good deal on who you came from, as well as were you are now.  Who are your people?  Do your people fit with my people?  Do our bloodlines go together?  Information is gathered and then posted on a matrimonial website.  

Part resume, part personal ad, and part family tree, biodata can cut through the time-consuming process of finding a spouse by turning it into something akin to a job interview: What are his qualifications? Is she a good match? What is his income potential?

Used primarily by South Asians in arranged marriages, biodata emphasizes compatibility, education, and family history, including caste, more than romance. There are also physical factors to be considered, such as complexion and, occasionally, blood type.

Even among assimilating South Asian Americans like Thaker, the exchange of biodata is popular. In fact, some believe that the deeply rooted tradition is on the rise in part because of the rapid pace of modern life and the increasing popularity of matrimonial websites.

 

What do you think of the idea of using biodata to find a spouse?  Have you heard of this before?  Do you think it has any merit for people in the West?

Post from: Blisstree

Using Biodata To Find a Spouse

Hmmm.

I’ve heard it said that it’s best to go to that New Year’s Eve party with someone you’d want to kiss when the clock strikes twelve because word has it that he might just be “the one”. Does anybody know who started this tradition? In my country, it being a conservative one at that, we really don’t practice the kissing on the lips part when we welcome the new year. It’s unacceptable to kiss someone outside matrimony. But, of course, things are a bit lighter now. Some people who belong in the older generation would allow kissing between couples even when they’re not married yet.

Anyway, I digress.

Simply put, we don’t practice it so I really don’t have a good grasp on this one but I certainly am curious. Anyone care to enlighten me?

Though, thinking about kissing that guy on midnight — complete with confetti, fireworks, tooting horns and all — seems pretty exciting and romantic. Add the thought that you just might end up with him, granted that you like him, is like the cherry to sweeten the whole thing! LOL.

So, tell me — do you have someone to kiss?

Countdown… 3.. 2.. 1..

Post from: Blisstree

The New Year’s Eve Kiss

Courtship has been practiced in different countries, in various ways, for hundreds of years now. And one of the most romantic acts in my book is the old fashioned love letter on parchment.

People nowadays rely on getting hook ups in bars, clubs or wherever. The whole concept of “pursuit” has slowly becoming extinct. They call it “the chase” now and the goal isn’t really a commitment or a serious relationship but, er, something else. Faint are the traditions or practices, which usually accompanies courtship and that includes, writing love letters on parchment back and forth.

I loved the feeling when I first received a love letter back in highschool. What made it extra special was the fact that the sender was a guy I was crushing on at that time. It was sent under an unusual circumstance, which I really don’t want to get into but to cut it short, it didn’t end good. Ah, well — kids. LOL.

What really brought this on, though, is the memory of the last time I got a letter from a guy [I'm not entirely certain if it really was a love letter].

Holding the paper and seeing the inked hand-writing, caused a lump in my throat. Yea. It has to do something about feelings and stuff. Heh. But I had to approach it with a lighthearted demeanor simply because, like how it is traditionally, women aren’t suppose to make their affections known until the man has proven himself. Call me old fashion. Teehee.

Bottomline, though technology presents a lot of avenues for communication, like mobile calls or sms messaging or instant messaging, nothing beats love letters on parchment. It’s a lot more personal. You can be sure that the guy put in a considerable effort in producing such a letter — picture the scene in the movie, Kate & Leopold, wherein Hugh Jackman’s character wrote a letter of apology to Meg Ryan’s character. He used a quill! Wasn’t it romantic?

I’m simply refusing to accept that we’ve reached the end of the age for love letters. The idea makes me sad.

Your turn. How do you feel about sending and receiving love letters? Or do you just prefer hitting the send/receive button of your Outlook? Or perhaps you prefer brevity or mobility — and are more inclined towards instant or SMS messaging, respectively?

Post from: Blisstree

Where have all the love letters gone?