Just quickly to let you know that Marye & I are talking and working on things. She is tenacious, we had a long talk in a parked van on Saturday. She figured she had a captive audience.

We had our first Christian Counseling session yesterday and a coffee date afterward. Even after the counseling we are still on speaking terms. Nothing new, just the groundwork and our objectives.

Marye and I are committed to one another. That has not changed. It won’t change. As y’all know from reading our posts over the past eight months, we are committed and we are real.

Does that Make us Real Committed?

We have agreed to make progress and set small attainable goals for each of us to start off with. I am sure with the counselor there will be assignments and other goals to come.

So we are on this path, to travel to infinity & beyond, together.

Post from: Blisstree

As Were Were… to Where We Will Go.

This is difficult, though not as difficult as real life. I am sorry that I have not been as frequent here at MarriageActually as I should have been. This has been good, getting to know some of you as you would let us know you. To say that laying this down is easy is wrong. Doing this has been equally difficult as of late.

Things are not going well in Camelot. My armor is chinked and tarnished. And may need to be retired as well. I am no knight in shining armor and never have I proposed I was. It seems a horse of that white color that I have been unsteadily mounted needs to go out to pasture as well.

No, there is no Lancelot or Guinevere. No sordid affair. Nothing.

Unfortunately, as we have been transparent here on MA, we have had our marriage put under siege. Perhaps I have allowed it. I have heard that is was long ago. That is neither here nor there. It just is. I was under the delusion that things were better than they indeed are not. I remember that we have a great marriage. The best of anyone we know past or present. Except for one area. I presumed incorrectly and I apologize to you the readers here and mostly to Marye. For it is her that I have truly hurt and neglected. My idea of love is not the kind that makes up the fairy tales or any sort of romance novel. It is not hot, only a low simmer. But it has been steadfast and true. I have stumbled, tripped and fallen, but always gotten back up. I have not gone down for the count.

If this post seems self-centered and focused on Marc, it is. Because the failure of this chapter of Marrriage Actually and our marriage’s condition rests wholly on my shoulders.

I will miss posting, I wish it were different. Thank you for your continued prayers and support of Marye & I. I will miss y’all.

Blessings,

Post from: Blisstree

Fare Thee Well … Not Good-bye.

It was in Monterey, Ca. actually, to a fiery brunette soldier from Texas. She still has it, it may not feel like it to her right now. But, she does still have it. Somewhere in the fall of 1979, When I saw her, I was a goner. It has been a couple of times around the block and my heart still skips a beat. Perhaps lopes would be a better term. For the past couple of years it hasn’t felt like it has still been this way. I have had a problem.

I’m not going to be able to explain this clearly, but I want to try. My problems haven’t been with my beautiful bride of the past nearly three decades. They are me. and I don’t know if I can even fully understand. Because I am not a self-examining type of person. Now, There is an understatement!

What I am coming to understand is that I have lost heart over the events of the past two or three years. In my health, I Have had a battle. One after the other, but that isn’t it. I have had struggles with my career and my satisfaction with it. Still not it. I have lost part of myself in a number of facets in my life. Marye and I have struggled in our relationship and that is my fault. Unfortunately that isn’t all of it. And I don’t know the “All” of it. What I do know is that I haven’t lost heart. Elseways, I would have taken my life a couple of years ago.

I have lost my heart. It is still in God’s hands, but I haven’t a clue where it is. I have been looking. I have been reading and praying and I want it back. This is I guess what I have been futilely trying

to find the words to say. Maybe it is just numb from all of the prescription narcotic drugs that I am currently on. I am hoping and praying that in finding it and resuscitating it it will be right again.

Can I have it back now Lord?

So Kid, bear with me a little longer. I think I found it and I’m dusting it off,cleaning it up with the Lord’s help and bringing it back top life.

I love you and yes i want to talk. Maybe we can use the cards. You are worth it all!

me

Post from: Blisstree

I Lost My heart, South of San Francisco…

1. If you got something out. Put it away when you are through. That means in the correct place. Things had a orderly place to go. Toys in the basement toy shelf. Tools back in their place in the workbench. Bike in the shed or basement. Plates, food etc. were put in their place in the pantry. Your clothes in the dresser or closet if they were clean and in the clothes hamper if they were dirty.

2. Do what you have to do. Whether it was schoolwork or later work. You did it. And well, might I add. There wasn’t pressure to excel, but you wanted to do your best. Friends have mentioned either to me or I have heard indirectly that I have an incredible work ethic. My mom and dad, as well as my older brother have had an influence in that.

3. Help others as you are able to. Shovel their drive, mow their yard if they can’t. Stop and fix a flat for someone. And other ways as well. I grew up with several elderly neighbors and was taught to help them any way I could.

By the way we didn’t have the leave the room rule at home. Now in public it was different.

Those were the rules as I remember them at the Audet household back on Oak St. when I grew up, a long, long time ago.

Post from: Blisstree

Marc’s Rules, as I Remember Them

O.k..here is another sort of interactive post. Surviving job loss, have you had to do it?  What are/were your coping techniques?

With the economy shot a lot of people are losing their jobs.  If you have been used to two incomes what strategies do you have in place to deal with moving to one income?

When Marc lost his job we were lucky for a lot of reasons.  We have always lived on one income so have kept our expenses on the small side.  We don’t have a whole lot of bills, because, quite honestly, I am a cheap b—-. I despise spending money on anything as long as I have a bill hanging over my head.  I also have never been one to have just one income stream.  I like having several sources.  That way if one dries up there are others.

I have always felt that money saved was better than income because the money you save is not taxable.  So if I save 300.00 a month by not turning the air conditioner on in the summer time that is the equivalent of about 350.00 in income, or something like that…you get the idea.

Marc also has a nominal disability income from the VA, and he was able to get a part time job.

So, our quality of life has actually gotten better in some ways.  Not so much in others.  Suriviving job loss isn’t just a financial thing.  There are a lot of issues when one spouse loses a job, not just financial. There are emotional issues, financial issues, and even scheduling.

If you have moved to one income, how have you coped?  Let’s help each other come up with strategies to get through this thing.  I am great with the budget aspect of it, and I promise I can tell you how to live more cheaply than you ever thought you could…but dealing with the change?

On a forum that I used ot spend alot of time on there was a saying (Terry did you coin this?), Semper Gumby, Always Flexible.

That is not me.  I like routine.  I like things to be the same day after day after day, schedule-wise, but I hate being in a rut.  For my own sense of security I like to know what to expect.  And I hate my schedule being jacked with.

With Marc home there is no schedule.  His part time job is all oer the place with the hours.  Chores do not get done on the schedule that I used for over 20 years.  Dinner is different.  Sometimes I feel like I am going to totally lose it.  I want to somehow step away from time and have a period to catch my breath, to think things through, and to make the choices and decisions I need to make but nothing and no one will stop long enough for me to do that.

Because of all the insecurity the kids are acting out (mildly). I don’t know how to deal with that because I haven’t had time to think about it.

In  a perfect world Marc would take over the things I used to do.

This is not a perfect world.

So, while I can do what it takes to keep us afloat financially I am definitely losing ground keeping our family together in a healthy, cohesive manner.  I need to take a vacation for about a week by myself.  It would take me three days for my shoulders to unknot…two days before I could begin to think clearly, and then two days to figure everything out and make a “plan”.

If you are old enough to remember the Dick Van Dyke show, do you remember the one where he goes to a friend’s hunting cabin to write?  I think that would be me.  As I recall he ends up playing with one of those paddle things with the ball on elastic.

Anyway, what coping strategies have you used to keep your relationship strong, your budget working, and your kids out of jail? Inquiring minds want to know. : )

image:sxc

Post from: Blisstree

Surviving Job Loss: Coping Techniques in Marriage

First off, I am sorry for my long silence here. In the past 60 days or so, I have managed to “booger up” my marriage in a major way.

First off with our love life in November after returning from Winter Camp with the boys I shut down.

I can’t to this day explain how, why or anything. I had intentions when we got home and it didn’t happen. I ended up shutting down sexually and this created havoc in our marriage. It has caused nothing but pain and insecurity in Marye. What is wrong with me? Why doesn’t Marc want me? And the list goes on…

In reality it is “What is wrong with me, Marc?” Why don’t I have the desire for Marye? Where is what little libido I had left gone to? I do not know what has happened to me and I still am at a loss. It is not what is wrong with Marye. I have tried to explain this and it does not make sense. (Throw hands up in the air)

Secondly, I have broken trust in our marriage. I have bought things for myself and lied about it. I did it at the expense of Marye and the kids. I have done it in the past and thought it was behind us.
Well, I blew it big time when I got my bike. Also earlier last year when I bought my muzzleloader just after losing my full-time job.

Now hear I am. I have created as major mess in our marriage and I am sorry Marye. I hope that nothing I said causes any more problems.

I don’t know where I am or who I am either, right now. And neither does Marye.   It really bites.

I am sorry…

Is there anyone out there who might know what where I am on the radar?

Image:SXC

Post from: Blisstree

Searching for my . on the Radar

Do you remember Weebles? If you are twenty something you may not but they were similar to Fisher Price people, only with round bodies.

I think there are two kinds of people basically.  The ones the keep getting pounded and they keep bouncing back for more, and the ones that just lay down and stay there.

There are the people that you can depend on no matter what…no matter how much pressure hits, no matter what happens…they are there, they are going to do what needs to be done, they are going to make sure everyone gets out of the building.  Or they die trying.

They are called heroes in emergency situations.  They are the firefighters that pull the last person from the collapsing building, and the police men that shield the child’s body with their own.  And they are the moms and dads and husbands and wives that just keep on going.  No matter what.  Not big and dramatic. They just are always there, making sure life goes on, meals are on the table, life is as normal as possible.

Weebles.  Hasbro stopped making them in the early 1980s. Apparently God is still making them. 

Image:sxc

Post from: Blisstree

Weebles Wobble but They Don’t Fall Down

So, the last few days I’ve been thinking.

Yeah, me… introspective.  I’m still superficial at this point.  But I guess that’s me to a point.

Superficial….

Always, never wanting to allow myself to be known or even know myself.  Scary thought Marc!

Who am I?  What do I want? What do I want with our marriage and our family?

What and where is God leading?

Now Marye, that’s a different story.

No mask, no facade.  She is Marye.  But she knows who she is and most of the time why she is the way she is.  She even knows why she feels she is screwed up, crazy, whacked out, or just whatever.   She has analyzed herself and will continue to do so forever.

How can she be a better wife?  How she can make me feel more loved, more appreciated, and how she can be more pleasing in every sense of the word?  How can she be the mom God wants her to be to our kids?  How can she blog, keep things running smoothly at the house, keep the kids on task and still find time for just one more thing for someone else?

So you get the idea.

I have been working to support us for twenty plus years, day in day out.  Ya know the old fashioned traditional guy is the breadwinner stuff we grew up with. Try to do a good job hope for a raise etc….   I came home for dinner in the evenings, visited with the kids and Marye and the cycle seemed to continue.

I’m not one to self analyze.

My fault is that I go day to day.  I tend to face and or deal with stuff as it comes up.  If I don’t have time to deal with it I stuff it down and go on.  My life with the Lord has been good and I have served in different ways at the churches god has placed us in.

So this last couple or so years, well maybe five or seven years has been an adventure, roller coaster ride I’m sure there is another name for it.

See I’m the superficial one.

But I am trying to  think about what I want for us, as a couple, my kids and myself as we turn this corner in our lives.

Hmmm…..

thoughts?

Post from: Blisstree

What’s Up Doc?

Marc adn I are preparing for his disability hearing in Waco tomorrow.

This is a very stressful time for us, as we put together his medical records for the last 26 years and letters from his doctors, etc. We are both nervous, although trusting God, because if they turn us down again it will be a financial hardship.

I don’t want to go into a lot of detail, suffice it to say that Marc was medically retired in 1981 with a 20% disability that the VA has refused to honor or pay. Now he is in a wheelchair and they have him on 20% for somethng else but are still balking at the original diagnosis, the one that cut his career in the MArine Corps very short. AT this point he cannot drive, as per his doctor, and is on so many meds he can’t work much. Taking him to so many medical appointments cuts into MY blogging time as well so I will need to cut back on some of my freelance commitments (not my blogs at b5!!!)

Prayers are appreciated. I will be back in time do post the winner in the Baking Delights Cook Book Contest tomorrow night!

I am posting this on all my blogs so that everyone knows what’s up.

Image:Morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

We Need Prayer for Tomorrow

To  those of  you  are regulars, today was wet  t-shirt day.  So after work this morning  it was time  for  the  wet t-shirt festivities around  here.   It has been a wild  &  crazy day here with the continuing adjustments of  my  not being able to drive  for  a while.  So it hasn’t been a great day.  The rest of the week continues to get more trying.

A few days ago Marye was starting  to talk about getting one of  those sexy  chauffeur costumes.   It has let us spend more time together as she takes me to work or to the church for  Royal Rangers.  That takes away a three hour  plus window of peace & quiet for her on Monday nights for prime undisturbed blogging & writing.  As does driving  our son  Matt to the junior college for his  dual credit classes,  feed  store  runs,  and errands  to  the  grocers  and  health food  store.  Each day seems to hold its own extra trip out.  Tomorrow, we get to go to the VA hospital for my chest x-ray and special blood work the neurologist wants done,  then I need to get copies of some of my medical records for next Tuesday’s Board of Veteran Appeals on my service connected disability.

That will probably take care of Tuesday completely.

A 90 minute drive each way and try to arrive an hour to 90 minutes early to meet with my service officer at DAV to prepare for the hearing scheduled for 11:00, but more than likely later than that knowing the VA.   This is quickly becoming  a  pain for her.  It has been  dragging her everywhere and away from the work at the computer and the house.

After this four day training camp and the VA hearing there should be some letting up on all the special trips.  It is putting extra stresses to an all ready  stressful situation.   It is affecting every aspect of our marriage at once.  That’s not a good thing.

I know that God doesn’t test us beyond what we can handle.   but, …..

HELP!

I’ll keep reminding myself, God is still in control…God is still in control…

God is still in….

Blessings,

Image:Morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

The Long And Winding Road…