This was my son.

Dr. Bruce Perry, a Child psychiatrist featured on the Oprah show states that neglect is the absence of necessary stimulation in order to build a certain part of the brain. In order for children to learn, to stimulate areas of their brain they NEED stimulation. Without stimulation they will learn to stimulate them themselves or retract into themselves. Your brain will form differently.

Dr. Federici calls this Institutional Autism in Institutionalized children. But, what about biological children?

Dr. Perry calls this total global neglect.

But, can you make a child autistic by neglecting them so thoroughly because they never, ever come into contact with humans? That they are so globally neglected that they retreat so thoroughly into themselves that they can’t get out.

Can neglect cause mental retardation?

Absolutely.

Danielle, one of Florida’s most shocking cases of neglect was not only malnourished but also so severely neglected that when she was admitted to the hospital for a physical her appearance wasn’t what shocked Dr. Rodriguez most. The most profound effect of her neglect was how she reacted to human beings. “She wouldn’t make eye contact. She frequently pushed us away, kicked us away,” Dr. Rodriguez says. “[She] would snarl at us, frankly. She behaved like an injured animal. We realized the safest place would be one of the caged cribs.”

If there is little or no stimulation, if there is no human contact, if there is nothing there what else is there? Little development. Danielle, at the age of 9 years old, was determined to be 2 months old developmentally. AJ, at his adoption (26 months), was determined to be between 12 and 18 months, depending upon the skill.

Parents are powerful. If you look at this picture (and I am linking to this picture because it is SO extremely important to see) you will see the difference between a normal three year old child and an institutionalized/neglected three year old child. Perry indicates in his interview that the neglect specifically affects sleep, anxiety, and mood regulation, all of which AJ has problems.

So, in our case, is it an issue more with neglect and institutionalism than with medical issues? I am hoping so because I know that children have an opportunity to rebuild some of those synopsis (some) with care.

Yes, back to that nature vs. nurture. Which one wins?

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Oprah, on Neglect

I have been exhausted from travel and interrupted sleep, suffering from headaches and my own ear infection, and have done, in my opinion, nothing but laundry, change diapers, and feed Gus since returning home. Not that I’m complaining or anything…

But Friday morning I hit a wall. After two school snow days AJ had another day off because of conferences and I had a day downtown planned. Unfortunately Eric and I spent Thursday night up with Gussie (darn molars) AND AJ (darn nightmares) and I woke with a horrible migraine.

Thankfully, my parents were scheduled to babysit for the day and WANTED to still take them even after I canceled a fabulous event. They took the boys, I took a three hour nap, and I dreamed about meeting Monica Potter.

I watched Trust Me last week in preparation for the event and loved it. The ad world, two smokin’ men, and wit? How much better can you get?

Ah, with Monica Potter as a lead…it can get better. She’s a mom of three, (yes, a REAL mom), a star, and a person. And yes, she probably needs a break on some days just like I do. And, she is probably just as glad to get the break. I just wish my break didn’t come on a day that I had a chance to meet her.

Photo courtesy of Beth from I Should be Folding Laundry…babies are Ivy of Adventures in Babywearing and Asher of Sarahviola.org. Event planned by Beth Feldman from Role Mommy.

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Trust Me, I Needed a Break

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Jessica Long’s Journey to the Olympics

What was funny though, is that she instantly stopped herself from rattling on about Palin and mentioned that her rule is not to talk about politics. Funny, I said, we have our own house rules…

No Politics, No Religion.

Her response was that the conversation inevitably comes back to politics, no matter what you are talking about.

True, especially when it’s Palin we have to talk about.

Photo from Amazon.com

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House Rules

In the last few weeks the news has been inundated with information and opinions about Miles Harrison, 49, from Virginia. His adopted son, Chase, died after Harrison left him in the car for an undisclosed amount of time. Harrison had driven to work that morning and presumably forgotten Chase in the car.

Harrison has been charged with manslaughter and is currently still under medical care.

Now, for those of you who have never been in the situation I urge you not to cast judgment.  Why? Because as the saying goes, until you have walked in his shoes you don’t know how his shoes feel.

As parents (and bare with me here) we have ALL had moments when we:

• wanted to (OR DID) spank our children
• we have all let them cry it out because WE were too dang tired
• we have all forgotten the extra diapers and made them sit in a wet one or made a make-shift one
• given them Benadryl to help them sleep
• forgotten to buckle the car seat

And, we may have just left the house with everything but the baby in the car carrier or walked into the grocery store without our child because we had the grocery list on our mind.

The thing is…it happens. The unfortunate thing is that when it happens to end in a death like this it is heartbreaking. But, sometimes it is just an accident and the parents, biological or adoptive, grieve. They don’t need judgment or criticism for actions they may or may not have been able to prevent.

Of course non of us can imagine leaving our children in our car, right? Never in a million years?

AJ was as silent as he could be for the first year of traveling in a car. He rarely babbled or spoke anyway but in the car he was silent (unless I backed the car up and then he screamed).  I think he was just taking everything in. So, I would turn the radio on so he could listen to music and the two of us rode in silence…he didn’t really like me talking either.

I can only imagine that Harrison’s case was similar.

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Judgment Not Be Cast

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Russia Today News Report

A third agency,  European Adoption Consultants, EAC, is now undergoing a thorough investigation because they did not report the incident in a timely manner.

Alexei Golovan, the Moscow ombudsman, said that Agencies must be held accountable for their work. “If they fail to meet their responsibilities, they should be barred from operating in Russia,” he said, adding that he would like to see more Russian parents adopt children.

Apparently, 14 children have been killed by their adoptive families as compared with 12 in Russia (over the last 15 years).

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Agency Barred after VA Toddler’s Death

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Are You Considered A Non-Mom? NBC Thinks SO!

Click here to play the trailer to Tie a Yellow Ribbon.

Dietrich, also a Korean adoptee, addresses the high rates of depression and suicide among Asian American girls within the movie and according to Harlow’s Monkey, creates a work of “great compassion and poetic beauty”.

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Tie a Yellow Ribbon

The study reveals that in countries like Spain and France that families are choosing to adopt healthy, white children from international countries instead of children from their own countries, mainly of ethnic minorities.

The media, as well as the study, have labeled this the “Madonna-effect” after the singer’s high profile adoption from Malawi in 2006.

“Some argue that international adoption is, in part, a solution to the large number of children in institutional care, but we have found the opposite is true,” said child psychologist Professor Kevin Browne.

“Closely linked to the Madonna-effect, we found that parents in poor countries are now giving up their children in the belief that they will have a ‘better life in the west’ with a more wealthy family,” Browne said.

“Some celebrities have unwittingly encouraged international adoption, yet it has been shown that 96 per cent of children in orphanages across Europe and probably across the globe are not true orphans and have at least one parent, often known to local authorities,” he added.

Do you think this is true or is this just media frenzy? Will children have better lives in other countries?

Do we SAVE them?

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Kid Dumping in International Adoption