Last year I republished “Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence” from CoDA. These are the Recovery Patterns of Codependence.
Codependence

Recovery

Denial Patterns
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.

I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment.

I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.

I embrace my feelings as being valid and important. I am truthful with myself.

I perceive myself as being completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.

I keep the focus on my own well-being. I know the difference between caring and caretaking.

Which can result in the Big Lie…
From “The Language of the Heart,” page 263;
“There are, nevertheless, certain occasions where reckless truth-telling may create widespread havoc and permanent damage to others. Whenever this seems possible, we are likely to find ourselves in a bad jam indeed. We shall be torn between two temptations. When conscience agonizes us enough, we may well cast all prudence and love to the winds. We may try to buy our freedom by telling the brutal truth, no matter who gets hurt or how much. But this is not the usual temptation. It is far more probable …read more

AA.org provides organized Suggestions For Leading Beginners’ Meetings from which I draw the following;
What Kind Of Beginners’ Meetings Work Best?
“Many kinds have worked well. They range from small, unplanned, informal discussions, with newcomers doing most of the talking and a different leader each time, to large sessions, prearranged in a series, with one continuing leader giving prepared talks on specific A.A. subjects.
A combination of these two types seems to work best. Groups have found that newcomers’ chances of recovery are higher if they can actively take part in A.A. discussions as soon as possible—and that they also need someone with …read more

Buddy T. offers to help you at About.com.
Al-Anon Quiz – Are You Troubled By Someone’s Drinking?
“Millions of people are affected by the excessive drinking of someone close. Many times people who are close to alcoholics do not even realize how much they have been affected by someone else’s drinking.”
Buddy offers you this quiz to help you decide whether the Al-Anon Family groups might work for you.
One specific question that rings a bell with me – “Do you feel that if the drinker cared about you, he or she would stop drinking to please you?”
Buddy also offers you a resource for …read more

Please don’t allow yourself to be misled by that person’s actions, non-actions, attitudes, demands, lies, manipulations, rationalizations, etc. There is help no matter what the perception of the current situation is. The help is there for you if the person with the alcohol problem is finding ways to avoid getting help.
For example, Take Paul’s comment today;
“the only way to get the help you need is to stop drinking, go into fits risking his own life or wait until a weekday. I have taken him to the doctors he has been told to go home and drink beer and slowly reduce …read more

This post is worthy of repetition. It recently came to the attention of a number of us that a gal in New York with 19 years clean in NA is “back out there.” She is loved by many, and knowing that she’s killing herself is being felt by those she helped. As yet, none of them have followed her, thank God. Please, these stories are real and true. Take them to heart. Alcoholism, addiction, kills people. [Originally posted June 15th, 2007]
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I’m paying attention. To Mary Christine. To dAAve. To a host of others. And I have to re-tell this …read more

While doing some research for the other Blog I write on here at b5 I came across this “letter to the editor.”
Quoting the writer;
“As a child I suffered from having an alcoholic mother. My only outlet was keeping a diary where I vented. Mother read it and retaliated. At the age of 15, I ran away from home, never to return. Fortunately, my older sister let me stay with them. Who knows what my life would have been like otherwise?”
And I felt that person’s anguish, instantly. Had I done the same thing and my father discovered it, I would also …read more

Notice that it doesn’t say “In Good Religious Health.”
“When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and spiritually.”
First things first – “Intelligence is not incompatible with humility, provided I place humility first… To be fashionable and to seem better than I really am is a spiritual illness.”
In my drinking life I could not put these two together. Why? Simply because the concept of humility was totally lost on me. To be humble was not within my understanding. I was either less than, far worse, or far better because, if not, I was worthless. Absolutely convoluted…
“To recognize and to …read more

Theses entries have been, and remain, at the top of the statistics for most viewed every month here at A Dozen Steps…
Nonsense Gods of Recovery
“Covers the origins of what I call the “nonsense gods of recovery” that have crept into our fellowship…Alcoholics may be sick but they are not stupid… Demonstrating the absurdity of the weird names counselors, therapists, and treatment people–as well as AA’s – have assigned to “their” deity… These include tree, light bulb, radiator, Gertrude, Ralph, Coke bottle, Pumpkin, and on and on.”

Ever have one of those days???

“Some will object to many of the questions posed, because they think their own character defects have not been so glaring. To these it can be suggested that a conscientious examination is likely to reveal the very defects the objectionable questions are concerned with. Because our surface record hasn’t looked too bad, we have frequently been abashed to find that this is so simply because we have buried these self-same defects deep down in us under thick layers of self-justification. Whatever the defects, they have finally ambushed us into alcoholism and misery.” 12 & 12, …read more