Are You Waiting For Him To Make Decisions?

Kelli DesRochers — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 00:16:00 +0000

I’m sure that it’s happened in my own relationships and I see it in relationships all around me all the time. My observations might fall into some gender stereotypes, but when I see I pattern I just need to call attention to it and find out if other people feel the same way. I am addressing this from a woman’s viewpoint, but the same situation could definitely exist in the reverse for a man.

If you have been in a serious relationship for a long time you probably think that it is moving towards engagement and marriage. As the years tick by on your relationship calendar and you take significant steps forward (like moving in together, meeting each other’s families, taking vacations together, and adopting pets) you naturally just develop feelings towards lifelong commitment.

The common problem that I have been noticing is the feeling of waiting. Due to stereotypes about the male “inability to commit” women find themselves suppressing their feelings of wanting to get married. They fear that even bringing up the issue will push their man away and they will lose the relationship completely. What does this mean for a relationship?

It means that there is unaddressed tension between the man and woman because they are not discussing their future in an open way and they are not being honest about their inentions with one another.

In this situation I think women should just put it all out in the open. If they completely intend to marry their boyfriend, they should let him know. Obviously don’t jump to this step too soon, but it is important to be honest so you don’t find yourself waiting for something that will never happen.

If you find that you have a definite feeling of “waiting” in your relationship, then do something about it! Stop waiting for him to make a decision about your future together. Don’t be too intense about it, but do have a talk. It may be the scariest thing in the world to imagine your boyfriend telling you that he never wants to marry you, but if that is the absolute truth then you need to find out and start moving on.

But in many cases you will be happy to find that it’s the opposite…guys just need a little push sometimes. They need you to put that idea in their head and help them to realize that the time has come to make movements towards the next step. It won’t be a quick or easy conversation that wraps up everything in a bow, but you shouldn’t keep waiting…you should start the communication now.

Being on the same page is extremely important in a relationship and finding out what your individual plans are for your future is a good way to make sure your lives are going in a healthy direction.