What married person can’t relate to having the same conversation over and over and over? UGH!

Just trying to stir up some funny in the hopes that people will come to the couples event at our church.

Post from: Blisstree

“2001″ 12 Great Dates

My husband and I made a commercial to advertise an upcoming Marriage Mingle we’re going to lead at our church.

I love what I can do with a Mac, iLife and YouTube. Technology is fun once you get past the learning curve and the frustration.

What do you think?

Post from: Blisstree

Marriage Commercial

Find out more about Vow here.

My second Toastmaster speech went pretty well. The beginning of the speech wasn’t recorded.

Forgive my lack of video editing software. At the end of the speech it continues to roll.

Anyone know of a free video editing software I can download?

Hey, want to help me achieve my dreams, goals and ambitions?

Help me become a Martha Beck Certified Live Coach. Because you like me and want to see me follow my path.

Post from: Blisstree

Vow Speech

When I feel like throwing in the towel on marriage, I visit Dating Dames and remember what single was like.

We were so thrilled with our marriage education results (no divorce and verging on . . . happy) that we’ve signed on to teach Vow, marriage education in our community.

Find out of there is a course in your area. Take it. It will make you more powerful in your life when you are more powerful in your marriage.

For more tips on how to have a great marriage visit Marriage Actually.

Post from: Blisstree

Marriage is Hard, Dating is Worse

Today is our 8th Wedding Anniversary.

We feel like wearing an “I survived the 7 Year Itch” t-shirt.

We’re in a better, happier, more comfortable, more stable, more loving, deeper, more affectionate, more real, place now than we ever have been. At least I feel that way.

The 7 year itch was like a journey into marriage war, but at least we finally worked some stuff out (where previously we’d been applying Band-Aids).

The overwhelming feeling on this anniversary is Phew. We made it. Thank God (literally) we’re on the up-side.

Honey, I’m so glad we struggled through and worked it out. I’m having a lot more fun being married these days. I can honestly say I’m happily married.

As my friend, Jen from Jlogged.com put it, We found our sweet spot.

We’ll be celebrating on Friday when we go on vacation for 2 weeks! We’ll be heading to Utah to see my family and San Francisco to BlogHer, where I’ll be speaking.

I can’t say enough about our experience with Vow, a marriage education initiative sponsored by the federal government to help couples find a way to be happy.

I also can’t say enough about having more money. They say money can’t buy happiness. But, in my experience, it can buy a lot of marital peace. Certainly, there can be no marital harmony if you’re not on the same financial page.

Visit the Vow website if your marriage has some issues that need resolving.

Visit Dave Ramsey’s website to get on the same $$$ page.

Read Save a Marriage – Stop Sharing.

Photo Source: Jennifer Lea, Jlogged.com

Post from: Blisstree

8th Wedding Anniversary

We went on a marriage retreat with a ropes course this weekend.

One of the challenges was to climb to the top of a telephone pole, stand on a platform at the top and then jump to a trapeze bar parallel to the pole, pretty far away. There’s a rope harness to keep you from falling to the ground.

I went first. I’m doing this. I can do anything. I am safe. I am brave. I’m going to jump. I’m doing this. I carried on an internal dialogue all the way up.

I wasn’t nervous till I got to the very top and it was time to stand up on the platform. You have to look down to place your feet properly. Then it’s pure fear.

I don’t want to do this anymore, I said out loud.

You’re right there, just stand up and jump, my husband, Jeremy shouted.

I stood up and realized how far that trapeze bar was. I was pure adrenaline.

Nothing is going to stop me. I have nothing to lose by failing. If I jump I succeed.

Then I jumped screaming and it was exhilarating.

Every single cell in my body was vibrating on this really alive-in-this-moment, yet surreal, frequency. I couldn’t stop laughing from my core.

Jeremy went up next and realized the bar was farther than it looked. He decided not to aim for the bar and just to jump. He jumped, but his heart wasn’t invested in reaching the trapeze.

That’s OK. It’s illustrative of our different approaches to issues that come up in our marriage.

I get emotionally invested and I’ll find a way to create a success out of it. “If I jump it’s success, as opposed to if I miss the trapeze I fail. Since it’s unlikely that I’ll be able to grab that pole there is nothing to lose by trying.” My motto is, “If I fail I fail, but at least I gave it a shot.”

Conversely, Jeremy felt the same futility in reaching the trapeze therefore, he was OK with simply jumping. He felt he still accomplished what he set out to do by climbing the pole and jumping.

Post from: Blisstree

Stand up and Jump!

My husband and I went on a marriage retreat this weekend. We had participated in a marriage education program in our area called Vow.

The most fascinating exercise, for me, was the human knot. We got in a circle, grabbed two strangers’ hands across from us, and had to unknot ourselves without letting go of either hand.

Here’s how it plays out:

I hold back and assess the situation waiting for someone to step up as a leader. Maybe there’s an engineer in the crowd or someone who works complicated brain puzzles in their spare time.

No one steps up and I ask a few questions of our instructors. Is this absolutely possible? Yes. Is this a riddle about letting go? No. Will we end up in our same positions at the end? No, you’ll be next to whoever’s hand your holding.

I see how I can go up, over and under a bunch of people’s hands and end up in a different place. I go for it. I ask the person behind me to follow.

Now I can’t see the end. I am unsure of my outcome. I’m completely ready to try any and all ideas. Look down at your own hands and see if you can get a strategy to end up next to the person who’s hand your holding I tell them. I work myself and the two people on either side of me out of the chain.

Someone announces I should be the leader. I’ll do it, I say, but I’m turned to the outside and can’t see anyone’s hands anymore. I ask them to be the eyes.

My husband says, I have an idea.

Jeremy has an idea and he’s really smart, we should listen to him, I say.

His idea works for a while, at the opposite end of the chain. He drops it. One of the stronger men, says he can see how he can get several people moved to the outside. He takes over. I defer.

I realize his idea can only work if me and my end of the chain go through the knot again. Someone has to sacrifice their freedom for the good of the whole and I’m willing. I have no proof that my direction is better. He says he can see it and I believe him.

He gets stuck. We’ve reversed directions several times. It’s obvious that every time we reverse directions we get retied tighter into the knot. We have to stick with one plan.

Finally after an hour they tell us they can’t let us go on.

Failure. “No leader” they explain. You can’t have two chiefs in a marriage, you have to have an Indian. She was elected the leader, the man I deferred to says. Says the man who took over the leading, I say. Everyone laughs because it’s so obviously true.

I can immediately see in his marriage that he often tells his wife she can lead, but then he won’t let her. The mixed message of “you’re the leader” while leading probably causes lots of problems.

And in my marriage?

Jeremy’s smart, we should listen to him, I defer regularly.

Why didn’t you step up to lead? I asked him.

I didn’t care enough. I didn’t think the outcome would have been worth the effort, he says.

I realize it’s a crucial mistake to defer to someone who doesn’t care enough and this is our pattern.

Do you think it’s true there can only be one leader in a marriage? I ask while we’re playing Put Put later.

Maybe there can only be one leader for a project and you have to pick the person who is strongest in that area, he says.

Wouldn’t you agree that I’m the one best suited to be the leader in our finances, I venture.

I don’t want to talk about this now, I just want to have fun, he says.

I defer.

I’m a natural leader. But a good leader doesn’t defer the second someone else has an idea.

I can’t wait to take that leadership training Women Rule in New York City so I can learn how to both not defer and keep the peace.

Image: Ohio Camp Quest

Post from: Blisstree

Human Knot

In their latest newsletter there were some interesting stats.

In an area with a population of 500,000 people, 432 couples participated in the program over the last year.

The program received an average of 50 inquiries per week via phone and web.

 That marriage is in trouble is not news. What’s interesting to me is that so 50 couples per week are willing to wave the white flag and seek help. 

I suspect they could triple the 14 people on staff and still be booked solid.

Post from: Blisstree

Marriage Stats