I find very few flaws in the logic of Leslie Bennetts in her book FEMININE MISTAKE, THE: ARE WE GIVING UP TOO MUCH?

Her logic is such that I find myself saying, She’s right. Why did I make such a self-defeating choice to quit my fulltime professional newspaper job?

Until the chapter where she reminds me why, exactly, I did just that as she advises women that Yes, working fulltime with little babies is a hell on earth where everyone loses – but take the “long view,” it’s only for 15 YEARS!

15 YEARS! Is that all?

Seriously, I lasted less than one year of dropping my kid off at daycare and not seeing her at all until I dropped her off the next morning. And during that year I was popping Xanex like crazy to quell the ever increasing and intense feelings of, “I don’t want to do this. This is not necessary. I don’t give a shit about that pothole – I haven’t seen my kid all day.”

It wasn’t the working that got to me. It was the lack of flexibility insisted upon by my newspaper’s management. The rigidity about being in the office while writing at 11 pm. after a city council meeting. Why, exactly, can’t I do this at home?

The part that really got to me was how unnecessary the rigidity and inflexibility was.

With the invention of email and the cell phone many parents time away from home really can be minimized with little company sacrifice. But, corporations HATE change.

The bottom line is you need a wife if you’re going to make it in many professional environments. When you ARE the wife, and you don’t want to take on the role of “absent daddy,” it’s a bit of a problem.

Leslie Bennetts, a New York Times Reporter, says as much in her book.

Leslie Bennett’s is also right to say that professional women aren’t truly “opting out” – they are being pushed out by rigidity and hostility towards mothers who aren’t willing to make unnecessary sacrifices.

Her solution to this eat shit (work 60 hrs week) or suck ass (drop out of professions completely) dilemma mothers face? Don’t let them push you out – it’s only 15 years.

Compared to the 50 years of your career 15 years really isn’t that long, she says.

I agree 15 years out of the 50 years of a career doesn’t seem like that long.

But 15 years is your kid’s ENTIRE childhood. 15 years is also one’s ENTIRE motherhood experience.

Looked at that way it’s a bit more of a freaking sacrifice, isn’t it?

I’m taking the detour in Bennett’s “long view.”

Post from: Blisstree

15 Years – Suck It Up

I found these fascinating statistics in FEMININE MISTAKE, THE: ARE WE GIVING UP TOO MUCH?.

One Harvard and Cornell study found that

Women who were homemakers at the beginning of their three-year study and and then went to work full time reported a decrease in psychological distress.

A Women’s Studies Research Center at Brandeis University and Women’s eNews study found that

Women who were employed full time and then dropped out to stay home reported an increase in distress, regardless if they had children. Women who had a child but stayed in the work force showed no increase in distress. But women who had a child and dropped out of the work force experienced a major increase in stress.

Dan Baker, author of What Happy People Know: How the New Science of Happiness Can Change Your Life for the Better, explains the

seemingly counter-intuitive decreased level of distress in working women by giving a high happiness priority to “a sense of freedom,” proactivity and security. A sense of working women feeling a measure of control over their own destinies.
Versus what he terms “the lesser life,” characterized by fear, a lack of options, a narrow focus, a sense of purposelessness, anxiety and depression. The emotional reality for many women who are economically dependent.

Other statistics report that working is physically healthier for mothers.

By the age of fifty-four, those who combined roles of employees, parents and parters were significantly less likely to report ill health than were those whose lives did not include all three roles. The women who had been homemakers for all or most of their lives were most likely to say that their health was poor, followed by single mothers and childless women. The study, which was reported in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, also found that 38 percent of the long-term housewives suffered from obesity, in comparison with 23 percent of the working mothers.

Another report by a Dr. Anna Fels in Necessary Dreams: Ambition in Women’s Changing Livesreports,

Employed women are healthier than their homemaker peers, despite the pressure of their added responsibilities. They have lower blood pressure, lower cholesterol levels and lower weight. Psychologically, working women have less depression than their domestic counterparts, and they have, astonishingly been reported to have less anxiety.

Post from: Blisstree

Stress for SAHMs v. Working Moms