The Other F-Word

I enjoy watching reality television and one of my favorites is The Biggest Loser on NBC. The Biggest Loser is basically a game show featuring people who are working on weight loss. This season, they are showcasing families. One trainer has married teams and the other trainer has parent/child (grown children) teams. 

If you’ve never watched The Biggest Loser, you might find the idea of a show of a show featuring overweight people called big losers offensive, but it’s really a positive show. It’s exciting to watch these people getting their lives back and this family aspect, it appeals to me both as a mom and as a woman in love. 

My boyfriend is a big guy. I think that he’s lovely, I honestly do, he’s warm and sexy and funny, but sometimes I worry about his health. He has sleep apnea and some pretty constant heartburn. I want our future together to be long and full of adventure. To get there, we need to be healthy. I’ve got some weight I’d like to lose, as well.  I would like the two of us to work as a team on this, like the people on The Biggest Loser. I think about asking him to watch it, but as it does not deal with sports, politics, or The Big Lebowski, I don’t think he’d give it a try. 

In the past we’ve done some hiking and a couple of strolls around downtown.  Our first date, second time around, was a hike that he still refers to as the “death march.” He’s a great hiker, strong legs, quick pace. I had a hard time keeping up with him. If we lived closer together, I think it would be easier to get him out on the trail again, but for now…. well, it’s not easy to talk about. I worry that talk about weight will sound like criticism to him, even if I make sure to stress the health aspect. I’m worried that he will feel like I’m calling him fat. 

Deep down I know that he’s aware that he needs to make some changes and I also know that being afraid to talk about something this important is a huge cop-out on my part. For now, this is my plan: the next time he’s in town for a visit, I’m going to talk about our plans and how we need to be healthy to get there. He dreams of running fishing expeditions and there’s more to that than just sitting all day in a boat. 

How do you handle talking about the tricky stuff with your partner? Do you and your partner work out together?  If you are single, how big a role does health play in your choice of who to date?