*Go forth with confidence. It’s the fake-it-till-you-make-it school of thought.

Santos says, “Men are taught that confidence solves just about anything. You can be making a total mistake, but as long as you’re confident, it will turn out okay. This may explain why we are so clueless at what we are doing in bed, but we act like we know.”

*A little self-control is not a bad thing. Have a glass of wine, but I don’t care how they are portrayed in romantic-comedies, a sloppy drunk girl is not cute.

Santos says, “Getting too tipsy on a date is a turnoff. Some people turn into a completely different person when they are drunk. Let the other person learn about you while you’re sober… Alcohol should be introduced into the relationship slowly…”

*He really does like the natural look. My daughter was telling me that her new boyfriend doens’t want her to wear makeup. They all say this and I think that they like the idea that their girl is a natural beauty, but we ladies can feel more confident with a little makeup. The trick is to keep it light and subtle.

Santos says, “Seems like as time goes by, makeup makes like the earth and erodes and changes with weathering. There is nothing more ghastly than makeup run amuck in the morning after spending the night together.”

*Men think women are crazy. I could take offense at this one, but I’m going to give men a break here. It’s not just women – humans are crazy. The trick is the find the crazy that you can stand to live with.

Santos says, “Once I accepted that women were ‘crazy’ (many older guys had insisted they were for years), it seemed to take a huge load of pressure off me. No longer was I trying to rationalize moves that women made that got me into crazy analysis cycles. When I just throw it all out the window and dismiss it as ‘crazy,’ it makes it easier to deal.”

*Yes, commitment does scare him. Here’s where I think women differ – we take a man and we make him somehow fit with our ideal. We stick him into a box where maybe he doesn’t fit so well. Men are the opposite, they wonder about the possibilities and question how they will recognize The One when she arrives.

Santos says, “Commitment means that I’ve decided that the woman I’m settling down with is perfect and there is no one else out there for me. Commitment means I’ve found my soul mate, that I am completely secure with myself, and that there should be no going back. I don’t know about you, but all of that is pretty heavy.”

Check out the rest of Rich Santo’s 20 Secrets Men Keep here.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

The Mystery That is Man, 5 Quick Insights

Anyway……..this weekend, I found this article, “What Men Really Think of Your Body.” 

The writer is saying that men are attracted to women who make an effort with their appearance.  He said that men like an hour glass shape – they are looking for someone who looks healthy, not necessarily skinny. He said that men appreciate a bit of style in terms of dress and that doesn’t mean fancy or expensive.  I other words, don’t go out to run errands in your pjs and slippers.  Sounds pretty basic, right? 

He’s not saying you need to weigh this much and you have to wear the latest trendy clothes, etc.  Just show that you make an effort and have some self respect.

To me, this sounds very rational. If you are looking to attract someone, show that you care about yourself first.  Well, the women let him have it in the comments with things like the following, please excuse the bad grammar, it is not mine:

How about what women prefer? I am single (by default widowed) 45 fit, and take good care of myself. I see men at the beach with disgusting back hair 2inches thick chest hair that’s waving like old glory in the wind>> HELLO ever heard of clippers? Why is that men don’t realize women care if you have disgusting ear hair> long nose hairs> back rugs> it’s called grooming! We do it and you should too!

Or  

Not “some mega-complicated routine that has to consume hours of time?” I appreciate the intention of that thought. However, do you know how long how it takes to keep our hands soft and cared for and our hair styled, even if its not mega-trendy? And that “put together” look you can’t define that you described in that mom’s outfit- you have no idea how long that probably took: hours of shopping for flattering cloths and trying on outfits at home to see what works together. How many lipsticks bought to find the one that looks “nice” on that woman, and probably went with her scarf, giving her that “together” look? I think that many men should consider that, just the way they can’t define what makes someone look stylish or put together, they are probably not aware how many hours can go into even the simplest-looking flattering outfit, even without rhinestones on the fingernails.

Or

I am so sick of hearing about what men want from women, how we should dress, what our body should look like. I couldn’t possibly care any less what a man wants from me. I already know men want women to be helpless, and that is too bad. Give me the opportunity and I’ll give you things us girls like and do NOT like about men.

Do you see a theme here?  We are talking about love, not war here.  This is not a them vs. us situation.  We want men to love us warts and all.  Okay, I get that, but we expect men to take care of themselves, don’t we?  Nothing excessive, general grooming and clothes from the current decade are probably enough for most women.  Many women enjoy the sight of a great six pack, but we don’t all require the men we date to have one, right?  Well, men don’t require the body of Pamela Anderson on their dates, either.  Do not put words in their mouths or their articles. 

Stop being offended and making excuses.  Wearing something other than another ponytail is not going to kill anyone or make them late for work. And if it does, set your alarm for earlier. If you want to meet someone, you are going to have to be a little flexible and realize that nothing is handed to you, everything requires a bit of effort. 

Or go ahead, keep making those excuses, but don’t be surprised if you continue spending your weekends at home, complaining to your girlfriends about how their are no good men available. They are out there, probably sitting across the table from the woman who took the time to put some lipstick on. Stop being so angry and resistant. I think it is another layer of armor,  another way to shield yourself so that you do not get hurt. If you are going to do this thing, seek a partner, then do it and stop setting up roadblocks for yourself.

Also, as someone who was raised by a man with a hairy back, I have to say, give these guys a break. They don’t love it either, but it’s only hair and it’s not that easy to reach. Men get hairy as they get older, learn to live with it, or avoid men. 

There, now that was a bit of tough love for you.  What do you think? Do you insist on sweats or else?

Post from: Blisstree

Stop Making Excuses and Show Some Effort

We’ve all heard it from our mother’s and grandmothers – but then again, we all know that ‘times change‘ – right?

I took my little investigation over to a forum where a diverse crowd of singles tend to hangout.  After presenting the same question there, I was able to draw my own conclusion from the small percentage of men and women who actually responded.

What I’m seeing is that women are the ones that want to be old fashioned – the stay-at-home-mom and housewife – while men seem to want their wife to have some sort of marketable skill and to help out with the family finances.

Is that a safe assumption?

What are your thoughts?

Post from: Blisstree

Do guys really want an old-fashioned wife?