Blisstree » white-lies

Are You a Pinocchio Parent?

Mary Emma Allen — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:04:14 +0000

Recently I read an article on Pinocchio Parenting, and it reminded me of one I read about white lies when my daughter was young. That one made an impression. So I’ve tried to keep it in mind while raising our daughter and more recently two grandchildren who’ve lived in our home for the past 14 years.

Image: sxc.hu

Do we tell our children not to lie, that it’s bad to tell a lie, yet they hear us telling “white lies” and even letting them do it for us? In other words, do we have a double standard for what we say and what we do?

Are there gray areas, when the bald truth is too much for youngsters, when it will take more time than we have at the moment to explain, when it puts us in an awkward position?

However, what are we teaching our youngsters when we say we’re not at home when we are, when we even ask them to tell that to someone on the phone if the caller asks for us? How can we scold them for white lies if we do it?

The same might apply to what we say about others in front of our children. For one thing, the youngsters often have no qualms about telling their friends, teachers and other adults that “Mommy said to tell Mrs. A….she wasn’t home last night. She just didn’t want to talk to that busy body.” (Teachers frequently hear these spontaneous “truths” from students.)

What are your thoughts about Pinocchio parenting? ( The above article on Pinocchio parenting was interesting because of the various views, some even justifying the “innocent” lies.)

Post from: Blisstree

Are You a Pinocchio Parent?

The Beginning of the End

gayla — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 13:18:23 +0000

Over the last week, I’ve found myself in the midst of a situation that I’m just not sure what to think. So, as I’ve done before, I’m going to call on our wonderful readers to offer up their insight which I’ll pass on to the couple I’m discussing here.

This couple has been together for just over a year. They’re not married, but she has children who see him as their father figure.

Apparently the girl caught the guy in a couple of white lies over a year ago and has let the doubt and lack of trust build from there. Last January, she apparently felt it justifiable to leave the guy tending to the kids, think up some excuse to make an exit for the evening and revisited the possibility of an unbroken relationship with her ex husband. She spent the night with him. There have been other times since then that ‘looks like’ she’s left to go spend some “quality time” with the ex too.

Since that time, the couple has set sail on a constant up-and-down relationship, on one minute, confused and breaking the next.

The girl is constantly talking to her ex husband and is justifying it because he is her daughters father. However, he calls several times a day and stops by from time to time. The girl takes the daughter to see her father numerous times. Note, the father does not exercise visitation rights nor does he pay court ordered child support.

The guy desperately wants things to work with the girl, but the girl constantly claims confusion or she’s discovered some new symptom on the internet that might explain the illness she’s convinced she has but the doctors can’t seem to find.

I personally told the guy to tuck tail and run as fast as he can away from the situation – but he insists he would like it to work out. The couple have bought a home together and he wants to make it work.

Am I wrong in thinking there has been too much damage done here? That forgiving is one thing, but forgetting this type of deception will be impossible?

The guy in this situation is a very good friend of my family and I don’t like seeing him hurt. Sure he’s guilty of telling the white lies and I’ve stressed to him that a white lie is still a lie and causes trust to be broken.

Thoughts? Advice? I’d love to share the input of people who are genuinely removed from this situation with this couple.

Post from: Blisstree

The Beginning of the End

Why Men Lie to Women

gayla — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 17:16:58 +0000

One of our Dating Dames readers and a fellow blogger read our 10 Lies Men Tell and has in turn offered up all the reasons why men actually do lie.

It’s refreshing to read the male perspective on this topic. I always wondered just why some men would lie and well, now I know…

Michael Smalley shares his views on Crash Into Love

Post from: Blisstree

Why Men Lie to Women

10 Lies Men Tell

gayla — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 12:58:50 +0000

Sometimes, one might say, lying is necessary, but other times, we might be better off just admitting the truth. You can try to justify your lies by convincing yourself that you’re simply optimizing your truth management skills, but at the end of the day, you know deep down inside that you’ve been keeping the truth neatly tucked away. Here are 10 of the many lies men opt to tell.

10. No, you don’t look fat
9. I don’t enjoy going to strip joints
8. We’ll talk about it later
7. You remind me of Jennifer Lopez
6. I love your cooking
5. I don’t think of other women
4. You can use my razor to shave your legs
3. I love Meg Ryan movies
2. I love spending time with your mom
1. I’m sorry

You just have to read the entire article to get the full benefit of these reasons. Me, having been married THREE years now, had several lightbulbs go on while processing this information.

Being in a relationship is a constant struggle. Don’t get me wrong, it’s one of the most rewarding challenges I’ve ever known – that and being a parent (talk about completion) – But given that we KNOW men and women DO lie in certain situations – what are some of the reasons you can think of — where little white lies are a must?

Post from: Blisstree

10 Lies Men Tell