The Battle Ground of Feminism is the Home.

Because I don’t necessarily want to have that battle in my home today, I’ll stick with citing examples from FEMININE MISTAKE, THE: ARE WE GIVING UP TOO MUCH?, by Leslie Bennetts.

“This opt-out thing is about false choices,” says sociologist Barbara Risman. “If you’ve been raised thinking you can do everything, and your husband works eighty hours a week, and you work eighty hours a week, and he’s not willing to budge an inch, and you never see your chilren, so you opt-out – that’s not really opting out; that’s being pushed out.”

” If you hate your job, you’re overwhelmed with work, the workplace is family-unfriendly, you want to have another child, and your husband won’t share the workload, then do you begin to convince yourself that quitting your job is a reasonable choice because you can depend on your spouse. . . But thesse women are not exploring other options . . .like ‘How can I get my husband to share more of the workload?’”

“From a female point of view, the problem with the self-sacrifice model of marriage is that it’s usually the woman who’s being asked to sacrifice.”

“Here’s a newsflash for you: Jeremy (not Tracee’s Jeremy) may be wonderful, but it’s not as if I’m sitting around with my feet up. He performs a reasonable share of the labor generated by our home and children, which I would argue are as much his responsibility as mine. But I have almost always done more. The sainted Jeremy may look like Husband of the Year in comparison with a lot of other guys, but that just goes to show how low we set the bar for men in this society.”

Maintaining some semblance of equity in your marraige can force you to deploy all those nasty tactics you swore you would never stoop to as a parent. . .Bribery and punishment work; so do yelling and complaining. Threats are also effective, as long as everyone knows you mean business. . . These strategies admittedly take a lot of energy, but not as much as performing all the functions necessary to maintain home and family by yourself.”

“In one revealing study, the found that male managers blood pressure and stress-hormone levels dropped dramatically at five p.m., but the women managers’ levels actually jacked up as they turned their attention from their “first shift’ jobs to their ’second shift’ responsibilities as wives and mothers.”

The question is: Are you winning or losing the battle?

Post from: Blisstree

Battle Ground of Feminism: The Home

I hear mothers talk about how sacrifice is “worth it” for their kids. I especially hear this if mother’s have given up something valuable – economic independence, dreams, ambitions, time, goals, careers, autonomy, hobbies, interests, etc.

When did I – as a human being – lose my inherent value? Was it when I stopped being the child so worthy of my mother’s sacrifice? Or was it when I became the mother, expected to sacrifice everything for my children, and then say, “it’s worth it?” Or was it when I turned 18 and stopped being a legal child?

I’m just curious how one human being has elevated value over another – children over mothers specifically – but then somehow they grow out of it?

Post from: Blisstree

Sacrifice, “It’s Worth It”

It’s hard to fathom exactly why.

 She’s too ambitious.

But certainly she’s not more or less ambitious than any male presidential candidate. To run for president it’s necessary to be ambitious and certainly you don’t hope for an unambitious president.

She’s not a good role model.

In what sense? The current president is a recovering alcoholic and cocaine-user with a criminal record, but many religious people still voted for him and perceive him as a great role model. Hillary has a clean record, is as religious as any of the men running. It’s inconsistent.

The most baffling is when you hear ambitious women make these remarks about this other ambitious woman.

I think women’s issues with Hillary is really a deep conflict within ourselves. We haven’t resolved our own ambition with our own motherhood internally. Every woman I know struggles with it.

If we choose to work we feel terribly guilty about not being a good enough mother and feel we need to defend our choice. If we choose to mother we feel like we’re missing validation and acknowledgement and feel we need to defend our choice.

We certainly haven’t come to peace with other women who react to this same inner struggle by making a different choice. Isn’t that what the work vs. stay-at-home mommy wars are all about?

One woman chooses to honor her ambitious self while raising children and another chooses to forgo her ambitious self to raise children. Neither woman can comprehend the other’s perspective because the battle is so personal and so much is at stake for both.

When women look at Hillary we see her choice in color. And it’s too raw a wound for vivid emotions not to be drawn out.

Maybe the women’s movement is too young to expect resolution and inner-peace out of it yet.

I think when we resolve the conflict within ourselves, each individual woman inside herself - the mommy wars and Hillary-hatred will flutter aside.

Post from: Blisstree

Women’s Issues With Hillary

Not that I think that’s a bad place to find yourself at certain times in your life.

But, all women are not the same. My place is where I decide it is.

People just see things differently and it’s maturity that allows us to see that and respect it.

What I don’t like to see is women doing something they don’t want to be doing.

According to Pew Research Center Survey more than one-half of women are doing something they don’t want to be doing.

• 60% of women who work full-time wish they worked part-time (19% wanted to not work at all).
• 50% of women who stay-at-home wished they worked, (33% part-time, 16% full-time).

The feminist revolution held lots of assumptions that well, they just didn’t pan out quite like we thought.

The child-care situation isn’t as rosy as we predicted and maybe we underestimated our own mother-love.

Whatever our personal assumptions were or our economic realities turned out to be – we don’t have to hate the past to change our present.

What we do have to do is get proactive about making what we want our reality.

• Paid family leave so no mother has to go back to work days after giving birth,
• Public universal pre-school,
• Major investments in child care so having a child is no longer the top reason American families have “a poverty spell”,
• After school programs for all kids who need them,
• Health care for all children,
• Benefits for part-time workers, and
• Telecommuting incentives so parents have more flexible work options.

Women are a special interest group that makes of half the population. We need to get serious about voting for our own interests.

Interestingly,73% of men are happy working full-time (and doing only 25% of the housework and childcare). But, most likely they are sick of hearing us complain about our unhappiness with our work-home balance, so this is in their best interests too.

Momsrising is telling every candidate that women want a family-friendly America.

I’m ordering the Motherhood Manifesto DVD for my book-club right now.

Post from: Blisstree

A Woman’s Place . . .

 

A full three-quarters of mothers are in the workforce, yet mothers are 79% less likely to be hired than non-mothers with equal resumes and job experiences. Single mothers make just 60 cents to a man’s dollar. 

Please donate today to make the MomsVote ‘08 campaign a reality:  https://salsa.democracyinaction.org/o/1768/shop/custom.jsp?donate_page_KEY=2907      

I love the Moms Rising position because they are not going to endorse one candidate. They are going to campaign so that EVERY candidate, Republicans and Democrats, understand that American Moms are over being treated with such a lack of respect and appreciation. And so are our kids.

Impossible? I’ll tell you what’s impossible . . .

Women won the right to vote when only men were allowed to vote.

More flexible employment policy that allows more parents time with their children?

Since women make up half the voting population and fathers have a vested interest in a better working environment for the family as well, well I’d call that totally achievable.

Check out yesterday’s story over at Solo Mother. She asks a lot of very valid questions about why women didn’t even vote in the last election.

Post from: Blisstree

Let’s Rise Moms!