This New Year’s Day will be the 2nd anniversary of the launch of my stationery business, The Pet Set.

A person with a healthy sense of self-esteem might look at that personal milestone as an exhilarating acheivement.

How do I view this upcoming date? With utter panic and fear.

Why?

Why would a person who left Corporate America to tackle what many Americans hope for — to become small-business owners — feel anything less than euphoric by what has been accomplished, in a little more than 2 years?

Why does every Pet Set sale give me only a momentary blush of pride — followed by almost instantaneous alarm?

Why are the awards and recognition not evidence that I might actually know what I’m doing?

Because I live every moment, of every waking day of my life consumed with feelings of inadequacy and incompetence.

I’ve been to therapy, I’ve seen respected psychologists, I’ve read books, I’ve surfed the web (btw — a maddening exercise to do on your own).

I understand how irrational my state of being is…I understand that it affects those around me, it affects my work and possibly my overall health.

Recently in an e-mail from colleague of mine here at b5.media, wrote this simple phrase: You must be so proud — referring to The Pet Set.

I must have stared at her words for ten minutes, as if my brain simply could not understand her syllables.

Proud? Of what? What have I done? Why can’t I be better? When will I fail? When will the sales stop coming in?

Donald Trump always says, In business, you must never give up…and a lot of other lame, one-dimensional blather as well.

But sometimes, when I’m feeling especially unimpressed with myself and frightened of the future…I think of his words and somehow they make sense. And he’s no psychologist!

I’m sure this angst-ridden existence, points to something to do with my childhood. Which is why the self-esteem improvement techniques I’ve studied over the years don’t help me.

I need to understand why the root cause of my self-created reality.

I wonder if someday, I’ll find the answers to all of this…in the mean time, a sale just came in as I was writing this.

Oh, yay. Nuts, huh?

Post from: Blisstree

Why Self Esteem Is Key To Running A Business.

Anyway, for those of you are not as cynical as I am about this insane time of year (read: more organized) I’m sure you’re already thinking about your shopping lists.

BUT, I have to mention this — as someone who has been closely tied to the pet industry since having started The Pet Set.

I’m no Dog Whisperer, but — should one of your gifts be for a youngster who has been begging for a dog, or if you feel it would be a great addition to the family — or especially if you are lonely and want some canine companionship, please reconsider.

This is the time of year when people start to think about buying puppies for their family. Often, the choice is very easy: Labs and Golden Retrievers.

Why not, right? They are just so beautiful and adorable as pups. And they look even more so, as you watch a 6-year-old in is pjs on Christmas morning just in awe of this little creature. (And Estee Lauder ads don’t help the situation.)

But I’m telling you…Retrievers are among the breeds most likely to end up in a shelter and probably euthanized once the holidays are over.

The shelters are filled to the brim with 4-6 month old Labs (among the highest shelter population in the country) and other high-engergy pups — because people tend not to realize that their cute little, bouncy, pup will grow to become a 75 lb. adult dog VERY quickly. (still very cute though).

You may have heard professionals say that Labs have boundless energy. It’s no lie. I own a 7-year-old and he has not slowed down one bit since he was a born.

All dogs are people dogs, but Labs especially…they CANNOT be left alone (unless you live on a farm and have work for them to do).

Also they get bored easily if they are not active (including mental stimulation) which can evolve into some really bad behavior problems, which can lead to the shelter.

They want to play and run and eat and play and run (and I don’t mean trot, I mean really run) for the majority of their life on earth. Thus the name “retriver” or “go-getter”, as I like to say.

If you or someone in your family can handle that…by all means, go to a reputable breeder and pick out the one who you think matches your family make up the most.

Just know Labs need training immediately, and continually. They do learn quickly…but they are stubborn as mules and will not remember what they were taught yesterday (or so they have us believe.)

But again, maybe wait until Spring.

I’m sorry, speech over — Trotter just brought his tennis ball to me…time to play.

A Public Service Announcement from the Council of Crazed Labrador Companions.

Image: The Pet Set.

Post from: Blisstree

Black Friday A PUP-lic Service Announcement.

Potential customer contacts The Pet Set, asking about our products. She says she loves everything we do, so unique, gorgeous…blah, blah. She is opening a new “luxury” pet boutique and our products would fit in perfectly.

Great! Her new store is close to my house, so I decide to make a visit. I get all dressed up, put together presentation materials and LOTS ‘O SAMPLE PRODUCTS. I could empathize with her — I was in the same spot she’s in now. She’s new to the industry, brand new store, bills are probably piling up.

Our first visit goes really well, she seems impressed with all of the materials, I go home feeling good about myself and my sales skills. Ha-ha.

Then she calls a second time and asks if we have a particular card–she’s going to a wedding and this card would be a perfect gift for the bride and groom. I fall for it. I get dressed up again, and bring her this 3rd box of cards. I tell her not to worry about paying for them. Again.

Here’s where I learned my lesson. Prospective customer tells me that in addition to selling kooky, “couture” outfits for teeney-tiny dogs, her real objective is to make a dog’s life better, by creating natural cleaning products. Ammonia-D is bad for dogs…so I’m thinking, no more Windex for me, I should get some of her stuff.

She brings out this honkin’ bottle of floor cleaner, that she says works just as well as Mr. Clean or some such commercial product…but there are natural ingredients, such as lemon oil and mint. So I tell her to give me a bottle. I pull out my wallet as a gesture of good faith, expecting her to say “no, don’t worry about it”. She does no such thing…she walks over to her register and rings up $6.00 (I’m getting a discount!).

Boing!  What an idiot I was. I gave her $50.00 in products, plus the $6.00 for her stupid cleaner (which I now believe to be dishwashing liquid that she dumped out and re-packaged!). And she was perfectly happy to let me do it.

That is the last time I will ever be so easy…no more free stuff. By her actions, she really taught me a lesson…never give anything away and be on the look-out for hidden sales tactics of others.

If this woman ends up buying anything from us, I will be shocked…but I’ll keep you posted.

Post from: Blisstree

Lesson in Business: Don’t Give The Store Away

The aforementioned award particularly recognizes exellence in design and composition — which means that many, many details had to be considered as I developed the cards. For some reason using the Jergens product made me recall a manager I used to work for, we’ll refer to her as Babs for this post.

Babs liked to use self-tanning cream; how do I know? Once in a meeting, she raised her hand to make a point and her palms were that icky tell-tale orange that happens when you don’t wash your hands fully after application. Then I looked at her legs and noticed the streaks and the sudden contrast in color between her legs and her ankles.

I know this post sounds like a scene from Tina Fey’s “Mean Girls”…but the whole recollection made me think about how much energy we put into the creation of our faux selves…how much we cover up our authentic selves.

I had to wonder what else was she hiding? And by the way, how disciplined of a manager could she have been, if she didn’t take care to hide what she was trying to hide?

The devil is in the details, as the saying goes…or he’s hiding in the lotion.

Post from: Blisstree

Faux Glow.

I could never send a note like that to someone (especially to her business address!) and expect to be taken seriously.

I’m assuming this person was text messaging me from her cell phone. Text messaging has mutilated our language into an unispired collection of abbreviations and acronyms. You know this is coming, the Motorola Shakespeare series: 2 b or not 2 b.

When I see commercials for text messaging, I always feel as if I am the most uncool person on the planet because I think text messaging is moronic and should only be used by 8 year old girls, who want to reach mom for a lift home from Jennie’s house.

Come on people, have we become so self-important and busy that we can’t write a proper note to people? I envision that someday, through the blessings of technology, we won’t even have to speak to one another.

letz gt sum manners.

Photo from Motorola

Post from: Blisstree

R U Kidding Me? E-mail Etiquette

Remember the words from the John Lennon song: Nobody told me there would be days like this? It turns out that on some days I feel as if nobody told me much of anything.

Sales for Pet Set are off for the month of April, so super genious entrepreneur that I am, I wander over to the StartUpNation.com forums and asked a simple question, what do people do when sales are slow?

Well what I got was a cold, and very hard slap. Apparently, not only am I not a genius, according to one smart-alec…I must be content to make less money, otherwise I’d be doing more to generate revenues. Uhmph…right in the stomach.

Slowly, but surely, I began my emotional decent into small business person hell…I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m not doing enough, I should rip the site down and start again, I won’t ever generate another sale...So down, and dejected did I become, I ended up having a mental meltdown. I became such a slobbery mess that hearing a goofy new Chris Isaak song turned me into a puddle of tears.

We covered some of this when we talked about The 16 Personality Types — remember, I can’t manage my way out of a paper bag because of all the creativity and vision I’ve got going on as opposed to having the requisite rational and objective skillss you need to think and act clearly.

Does all of this mean that I can’t take criticism (from someone I don’t even know, mind you). Does it mean, I really am not doing enough for my business, or does it simply mean I’ve been obsessing over my business, 24/7 for 2 &1/2 years and that I need a vacation and re-balance my life?

I think it’s the life balance stuff, so I beg of you, if you are reading this, I’m hoping that you ask yourself why you are not outside with your dog or kids — instead of sitting in front of a computer. Put the business plans aside and take a look at your life plan. Get the manicure, before reviewing another document that is work related…and by god take that Disney cruise.

(kidding).

Post from: Blisstree

I spent a week in hell one day…

It dawned on me that much of my worrying and sleeplessness resembled what my condition was like when I worked my “real” jobs in Corporatetown:

• Obsessing over marketing strategies
• Worrying about looming deadlines
• Regrets about something I said to someone
• Confusion about how to move forward
• Feeling inadequate when sales or contacts slow down
• Not eating right | missing meals
• Locked working in my office for hours

So, what has really changed since having decided to pursue my dream of owning my own business? Actually, not that much. Not That Much!? you exclaim? How can that be? All day long you hear and read commentary emphasizing that you have to love what you do, and make your dreams become a reality, isn’t that what all the Martha’s, Donald’s and StartUpNation.com experts say?

What they don’t tell you is that your personality type may sometimes get in the way. I am a worrier and a nervous nilly…although, I am able to make a decision, simply by judging by how tingly my fingers feel.

The difference at this point in my life is that my stress actually helps me stay focused on my business — for me and only me. At the corporate level, it was a toxic existence, because it was all for someone else’s judgement and approval. If I fail at this, I have only myself and the vision I laid out before me to blame.

Am I living my dream? Or living in a dream?

Well, I’d always hoped to be sitting in a home office, putting ideas together while looking out the window at my blooming Azalea bush, with my dog. Is it a peaceful dream, not yet…but soon.

Post from: Blisstree

Analyzing Your Dreams

At my last position, I worked for an abusive, power-mongering, workaholic at a very large company (see my earlier posts about not fitting in). This woman had it out for me the minute she joined our department. Once, she flat out told me, “you don’t act like an executive…” What did that MEAN!? I spent months trying to learn exactly how an executive acts.

Toward the end my tenure at this company, she filed a full blown performance complaint to Human Resources. It was based on not on actual transgressions, but generalized things she didn’t like, such as not managing meetings well (forgot the bagels one day) or not knowing how to yell at the legal department, so out of order, right?

The HR complaint set into motion 2 weeks of agony to try to remedy the situation…according to her, I had one month to “improve” or I could be let go. That in and of itself was mortifying, I’d never been reported to HR for my performance, and I didn’t really understand that once a Sr. person does something like this in a large company, you have absolutely no recourse.

So I decided to resign. On the day that I packed up all of my teeny belongings, she told me not to leave the building just yet, there was one last meeting. When I entered the room, all of my colleagues yelled “SURPRISE”. This moron, who had made my life a living hell was giving me a good bye cake, with a signed card no less. That meant that some poor assistant had to give up her lunch and organize this fiasco.

I wanted to crawl into the earth and cry…I was so embarrassed. I left the building, walked up town and had many cocktails that evening. For the next several months I did nothing but beat up on myself, obsessing over what had happened and why.

To this day, even with The Pet Set up and running, those memories still hurt…not because of my boss’s actions, but because I was too incompetent to avoid the situation in the first place…now THAT’S humiliating: allowing someone else to define who I am and then obsessing.

Post from: Blisstree

Food In Your Teeth