It’s been a long time since I was pregnant – long enough that I feel removed enough from the swollen ankles and sore breasts and moodiness and holier-than-thou presence to find a true appreciation in this song by Garfunkel and Oates.

If you haven’t had the pleasure of having it E-mailed to you, then you can enjoy it here:

Video and screenshot, YouTube, Pregnant Women are Smug by Garfunkel and Oates

Good god it’s so hard to get back into the swing of things after vacation. Rick (who is still off) has taken Truman to the pool so I can meet some deadlines I’ve effectively ignored while at the beach. I’m looking to get back into the groove quickly so I can join the boys at the pool. Seems to me this little angel could help light a fire under this old girl. What do you think?

Video, YouTube, kyleandginger

Here’s what I’m supposed to read for book club: Color of Water by James McBride. I was on my way to Books-A-Million to buy the book – last minute of course – because I’m heading out on my annual beach trip and it is the only time all year I will be able to read a complete chapter much less a page of any book. (I fear my book club knows I’ve come to most meetings having either not finished the book selection or, in some cases, even bought the book.) It’s not like chasing an overactive 5-year-old and serving as my darling husband’s personal secretary and being the home’s executive chef offers much free time.

Just moments before I was able to escape the house – leaving Rick and Truman vegging in front of The Sandlot – I got an e-mail from Wendi telling me I HAD to see this YouTube video, which I did. I knew right then I had found my female soul mate. I’ve never met Jen Lancaster, but I am so in tune with that woman, we even share a name.

Jen’s pushing her new book, Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist’s Quest To Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, Or Why Pie is Not The Answer and my respect for her goes beyond appreciating that she’s larger than me (I like most people who are), but she has such a pleasant way of laughing at herself that makes me feel – dare I write the word – normal.

So instead of grabbing Color of Water, like a responsible person would, I nabbed all of Jen Landcaster’s books I could get my hands on – Such a Pretty Fat (mentioned earlier); Bitter is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office; Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl’s Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?; and Pretty in Plaid: A Life, a Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, the Wonder Years Before the Condescending, Egoman… Self-Centered Smart Ass Phase.

With any luck, I’ll actually finish a book. And then I’ll tell you if I still love Jen. But if I don’t even crack a cover, it doesn’t really matter. Because I’ll be living the laid-back easy life at the beach with my best gal pals … at least until Sunday.

Bon voyage! (God, that literally means “Good Journey” in French!)

Image, Amazon
Video, YouTube, BookVideos.tv

For those of you who are old enough to remember the 1970s, you may remember waiting in long lines to get vaccinated against the swine flu that was sweeping the nation at that time … likely because you were alerted by television PSAs such as this one:

In case you were wondering, this is not the same swine flu of three-plus decades ago, according to MSNBC. If you had that vaccine - or even your annual flu shot just months ago - you should not consider yourself immune. Check the MSNBC story for for more FAQs on the swine flu. 

Video & screenshot, Fandome Dude

Two years ago my friend BJ was telling me about the new kid who was cutting her yard. She said, “He is beautiful. He looks just like Kasey Kahne.” I said, “Who?” She said, “Kasey Kahne.” I said, “Who?” She said, “Kasey Kahne. You know, the Nascar driver.” No, I didn’t know. She said, “Oh, you will. Just wait.”

And she was right. In the same subtle way that I somehow figured out the basics of football by sitting in the same room with my husband during games, I slowly learned who was who in Nascar because my son had become a rabid fan.

(By the way, we didn’t see much of Talladega this weekend because the weather was just too nice to stay in and watch TV. But Rick got a Tweet about the ending so we caught it on YouTube. Thank God Carl Edwards survived that wreck, and a shame he doesn’t get credit for crossing the finish line on foot!)

When races weren’t on and Truman was begging to see one, Rick did the next best thing. He turned on YouTube. This is where it became controversial. The YouTube videos my husband began showing Truman – which he, of course, began to fall in love with at the ripe age of barely 4 – were Nascar crash videos. He loved the music. He loved the cars. He loved the crashes. I could barely watch. Many of those poor drivers were getting hurt and killed. I would show Truman’s favorites but they pulled the songs because of licensing issues. So here is the one he most recently enjoyed. Tell me, would you let your 4/5-year-old watch this?

screenshot & video credits:
Talladega 2009 photo & screenshot, Candy Tyrrell
Nascar Crash video, VanzVizuals

Two and a half American Idols are from my town – Reuben Studdard, Bo Bice (he’s the half), and Taylor Hicks. When our hometown favorites were lighting up the TV screen, I was a fan of the show. Since then I’ve given up the addiction. But I became curious about Adam Lambert, this season’s favorite, when I saw his picture spread halfway across the front page of the Sunday New York Times Style section.

Easter Gnome: gay or straight?

Rick fills me in. Lambert is that effeminate guy who did a smack-down incredible but controversial rendition of Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire a few weeks back. Because I hadn’t watched the show, I was not familiar with his music (Rick has to stay up on it since he has to discuss each week’s episode on his morning snow) so I turned over to YouTube. I love-loved Ring of Fire but Lambert’s version of Tears for Fears’ Mad World wrapped my inner child in a blanket of warm, softened butter. I want to wear that song like a Pashmina, it is so breathlessly beautiful.

And this insane fuss about “What if he is gay?” Who. Cares.

Which brings me to the Easter Gnome.

Rick’s folks came to town yesterday for Easter lunch and brought Truman a bag of goodies. In it was a gnome blowing a kiss that MIL suggested he could put in our garden. (I’m thinking a hawk might fly off with it in the next week or so if we’re lucky … or crafty.) As Truman pulls the gnome out of the gift bag, my sweet MIL whispers to me that she and FIL poured through the encyclopedias at their house to make sure that gnomes were not a sign of “gayness.” FIL apparently had the notion, and giving such a gift would crack their strong Southern Baptist foundation. I told her I had never heard of such, but even so, who cares? Not me.

Let’s say Truman some how sprouts up through our family tree and collects genes from among the branches of those who lived (or hid) the alternative lifestyle before us, then so be it. I will love him and accept him, always and forever. As long as he is happy, that’s all that should matter. 

(photo, JWJourney)

If you’re a fan of Super Nanny or a You Tube junkie - You’re gonna love these new Super Nanny out-takes.

Which one’s your favorite?