Avoid breaking up over money issues
April 17, 2009 by Jennifer Chait
Filed under family, finances, marriage
Many studies note that financial incompatibility is the number one reason that couple split up. That sucks, because if you know how to deal with money issues, and if you make it a priority in your relationship to discuss money issues, you can avoid this potential problem from the get-go. How can you and your partner happy together, even when money issues pop up?
First of all you should read, Financially Compatible Spouses & Partners – this post covers what you and your partner should discuss money-wise before taking the long-term relationship leap.
Next follow these tips:
Recognize that you and your partner are equals. No matter who makes more money the two of you should never place one person’s worth above the other. This is an especially important point for couples where one partner is a stay-at-home person/parent.
Know that money stresses everyone. If you have money, if you don’t, it doesn’t matter, money is a stressful topic. The main breadwinner can feel pressure to keep on earning, while a partner who makes less may feel bad about it. Talk about the money stresses in both of your lives.
Realize that change can happen. In some families one partner is perfectly happy to be the major breadwinner, but know that this can change. Just because someone has been happy in the past with their career or stay-at-home parent status doesn’t mean it can’t change.
Never let money issue simmer. The longer you wait to discuss money issues, the worse they can get. When money issues pop up, deal with them and move on.
Be positive. Money is a negative issue for many. Keeping it positive goes a long way towards an easier relationship. Example; my ex NEVER felt like we had enough money and fretted all the time about how the future would be better if we just had more, while I was happy if we could pay the bills and save a little. Guess who was more stressed out all the time about money? Yup, my ex. Think on the bright side when it comes to money issues.
Work together on compromise. If you can’t agree about specific money issues, work out a semi-reasonable compromise. There might be times you just can’t come to one main consensus, so don’t let those times break the relationship.
Be aggressive. If the two of you can’t be honest about money, can’t discuss money, and know you have major money related issues, get some help. Counseling is one way to go and financial assistance (i.e. an accountant) is another.
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