How to Defuse a Money Argument
November 10, 2009 by Jennifer Chait
Filed under financial matters
Being able to successfully defuse a money argument is an awesome skill for couples to learn. Money is a number one reason why couples break up so the next time you feel the need to get crazy during a money discussion try some other tactics instead that will defuse not enrage the discussion.
Be proactive: If money is ONLY something you discuss when you’ve got a problem, well, that right there is your problem. Couples who are open about their money style and discuss bills and finances when there’s no problem are better equipped to deal when a problem arises. The time to start talking about money issues is when you know that you’re sticking together – say before you move in together.
Use a normal tone: Many people use their stressed or angry tone when talking about money. Keep it chill. Yelling, talking down, and pouting is three-year-old behavior. You’re an adult, adults deal with money all the time, so staying friendly is the way to go.
Grant some credit before discussing the issue: Say you think your partner spends too much on clothing. A good way to start this conversation is with a compliment – i.e. it’s cool that you always choose brands of clothes that last forever, or you admire how he/she can buy things without having to over think the purchase. Compliments that are real actually go a long way in defusing an argument before it starts. Sarcastic compliments are not nice though and so if you can’t give a compliment and mean it, just don’t.
Explain the situation exactly: When you’re communicating the issue you should be clear, concise, and suggest a kick off point for fixing the issue. For example, if you live with a super tightwad, you might say, “It stresses me out when we never get to budget in any fun time at all like a movie or show – I’d like to spend more time with you so how can we budget for this?“ Using phrases like, “I feel” – “I need” – etc is better than saying stuff like “You always spend too much” or “Why don’t you fix the problem.” You’re a couple, so keep solutions couple based.
Stay in the now: DO NOT bring up past mistakes of any kind. Real problems are more easily solved when you stay on topic. Bringing up that $300 dress your partner bought five years ago is not how to fix a current problem and it sets up your partner to be defensive and/or bring up your past mistakes which can spiral out of control very quickly.
How do you manage money arguments in the home?
[image via stock.xchng]
