Be proactive: If money is ONLY something you discuss when you’ve got a problem, well, that right there is your problem. Couples who are open about their money style and discuss bills and finances when there’s no problem are better equipped to deal when a problem arises. The time to start talking about money issues is when you know that you’re sticking together – say before you move in together.

Use a normal tone: Many people use their stressed or angry tone when talking about money. Keep it chill. Yelling, talking down, and pouting is three-year-old behavior. You’re an adult, adults deal with money all the time, so staying friendly is the way to go.

Grant some credit before discussing the issue: Say you think your partner spends too much on clothing. A good way to start this conversation is with a compliment – i.e. it’s cool that you always choose brands of clothes that last forever, or you admire how he/she can buy things without having to over think the purchase. Compliments that are real actually go a long way in defusing an argument before it starts. Sarcastic compliments are not nice though and so if you can’t give a compliment and mean it, just don’t.

Explain the situation exactly: When you’re communicating the issue you should be clear, concise, and suggest a kick off point for fixing the issue. For example, if you live with a super tightwad, you might say, “It stresses me out when we never get to budget in any fun time at all like a movie or show – I’d like to spend more time with you so how can we budget for this?“  Using phrases like, “I feel” – “I need” – etc is better than saying stuff like “You always spend too much” or “Why don’t you fix the problem.” You’re a couple, so keep solutions couple based.

Stay in the now: DO NOT bring up past mistakes of any kind. Real problems are more easily solved when you stay on topic. Bringing up that $300 dress your partner bought five years ago is not how to fix a current problem and it sets up your partner to be defensive and/or bring up your past mistakes which can spiral out of control very quickly.

How do you manage money arguments in the home?

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How to deal:

When you become two vs. one, either by means of marriage or just because you’ve been together so long, make sure that even if you’re combining incomes, bills, and credit that each of you keep one or two credit cards or credit accounts in your own name. You should always keep partially solo credit, even if your partner has amazing credit, good budgeting skills, and lots of income.

When you hook up also consider if it’s smart to even combine anything. If one of you has paid bills late in the past or had credit issues, don’t add the other person’s name to an account or get a joint account, as it can ding the other person’s credit rating.

For more tips on making it as a couple read “Argue less about money”.

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Know what’s what before hand: Before leaping into a relationship make sure you discuss money. I know it’s not romantic or always fun, but knowing your couple money mindset before you become a twosome can save you some trouble in the long run.

Split your stash: If you have your own cash supply it makes it easier there’s no consulting each other about purchases, there’s no balancing a checkbook together if one of you hates to do so. Make a general budget where you figure the bills each paying half, and if you don’t want to go that far, pay all the bills together as normal, then split the difference between your separate bank accounts.

Share tasks OR don’t: Some couple have one money savvy individual and one non-savvy person. It’s smart to leave the money savvy person in charge of tasks if that makes things easier. You have to be careful though. It’s a lot of work to always be the one writing the checks, balancing the checkbook, and dolling out allowances to the kids. Make sure the partner in charge is not feeling the brunt of all that work. This will depend on your own couple style. For example I’m perfectly happy to do all the money tasks in my household – I like it, and it makes me feel more comfortable, I could take the help or leave it. Some people hate this though.

Know what matters most: Hint – it’s not money. Money is cool and all but take a serious look at your partners pros before getting all nuts over cash differences. Does your partner gamble excessively? Hit you? Cheat on you? Rob banks? No? Ok then, money is a little thing in comparison to issues that should really make or break a partnership. Do you really want to break up over not being able to agree on a new couch? Be realistic. It’s expensive to break up and talking it out is cheap.

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Because of the economy, raised home costs, retirement issues, and more, couples are seemingly willing to go the distance to keep things chill. For example, not go to court at all, not fight so much when they are in court, and maybe even live together as they divorce. It’s an interesting perk of this sad economy for sure and very much worth a read.

On the flip side, divorcing or splitting up at all is far less financially sound then staying together (except for in cases where, say one person is an addicted shopper or gambler). If you’re more interested in staying together for happiness and your budget’s sake, take a look at the following…

• Avoid breaking up over money issues
• Financially Compatible Spouses & Partners
• 10 Budget Tips for Couples

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First of all you should read, Financially Compatible Spouses & Partners – this post covers what you and your partner should discuss money-wise before taking the long-term relationship leap.

Next follow these tips:

Recognize that you and your partner are equals. No matter who makes more money the two of you should never place one person’s worth above the other. This is an especially important point for couples where one partner is a stay-at-home person/parent.

Know that money stresses everyone. If you have money, if you don’t, it doesn’t matter, money is a stressful topic. The main breadwinner can feel pressure to keep on earning, while a partner who makes less may feel bad about it. Talk about the money stresses in both of your lives.

Realize that change can happen. In some families one partner is perfectly happy to be the major breadwinner, but know that this can change. Just because someone has been happy in the past with their career or stay-at-home parent status doesn’t mean it can’t change.

Never let money issue simmer. The longer you wait to discuss money issues, the worse they can get. When money issues pop up, deal with them and move on.

Be positive. Money is a negative issue for many. Keeping it positive goes a long way towards an easier relationship. Example; my ex NEVER felt like we had enough money and fretted all the time about how the future would be better if we just had more, while I was happy if we could pay the bills and save a little. Guess who was more stressed out all the time about money? Yup, my ex. Think on the bright side when it comes to money issues.

Work together on compromise. If you can’t agree about specific money issues, work out a semi-reasonable compromise. There might be times you just can’t come to one main consensus, so don’t let those times break the relationship.

Be aggressive. If the two of you can’t be honest about money, can’t discuss money, and know you have major money related issues, get some help. Counseling is one way to go and financial assistance (i.e. an accountant) is another.

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