Be proactive: If money is ONLY something you discuss when you’ve got a problem, well, that right there is your problem. Couples who are open about their money style and discuss bills and finances when there’s no problem are better equipped to deal when a problem arises. The time to start talking about money issues is when you know that you’re sticking together – say before you move in together.

Use a normal tone: Many people use their stressed or angry tone when talking about money. Keep it chill. Yelling, talking down, and pouting is three-year-old behavior. You’re an adult, adults deal with money all the time, so staying friendly is the way to go.

Grant some credit before discussing the issue: Say you think your partner spends too much on clothing. A good way to start this conversation is with a compliment – i.e. it’s cool that you always choose brands of clothes that last forever, or you admire how he/she can buy things without having to over think the purchase. Compliments that are real actually go a long way in defusing an argument before it starts. Sarcastic compliments are not nice though and so if you can’t give a compliment and mean it, just don’t.

Explain the situation exactly: When you’re communicating the issue you should be clear, concise, and suggest a kick off point for fixing the issue. For example, if you live with a super tightwad, you might say, “It stresses me out when we never get to budget in any fun time at all like a movie or show – I’d like to spend more time with you so how can we budget for this?“  Using phrases like, “I feel” – “I need” – etc is better than saying stuff like “You always spend too much” or “Why don’t you fix the problem.” You’re a couple, so keep solutions couple based.

Stay in the now: DO NOT bring up past mistakes of any kind. Real problems are more easily solved when you stay on topic. Bringing up that $300 dress your partner bought five years ago is not how to fix a current problem and it sets up your partner to be defensive and/or bring up your past mistakes which can spiral out of control very quickly.

How do you manage money arguments in the home?

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Post from: Thrifty Mommy

Things to discuss:

Your spending priorities: Are both of you interested in saving for a house, kids, a car, or is only one of you into that? Do you have different spending styles? I.e does one of you live to shop while the other is a minimalist.

Do you agree on how much money should go to charities or other community organizations?

Do both of you anticipate long-term employment, or is one of you considering a career switch or quitting work entirely somewhere down the line?

Do you agree about loaning money out to friends and family – how much and how often?

ISSUE: Your partner and you balance the checkbook differently.

Not too big a deal, but keep separate accounts. My ex and I shared all our cash equally, i.e for bills and what-not, but kept our actual money in different accounts because I’m anal, and need to balance my checkbook daily, while the ex liked to call the bank once a month to check his balance. He always sort of knew what was going on, but that’s way too casual for me.

ISSUE: One of you has debt.

Sort of a big deal, but it could be worse. Just getting married or involved for the long-term won’t mix your credit scores, so long as you don’t open any joint accounts. However, renting and setting up utilities can be hard if the place needs both your names and one of you has sucky credit. The best thing to do is to make sure that the partner with poor credit is working on it, trying to improve it and in the meantime keep your names as disconnected as possible when it comes to credit cards and loans. Poor credit is not great, but doesn’t have to be a partner deal breaker (like the issue below).

ISSUE: Your partner gambles.

A HUGE deal. Take it from someone who knows folks who have been there. A gambler is a huge financial risk if you get involved for the long term. You can’t change their habits, they’ll need to. You may end up hiding your wallet, getting into debt, or dealing with a violent individual who is mad that you don’t like their habit. THINK very, very carefully before getting hitched with an addicted gambler (who is not in recovery).

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Post from: Thrifty Mommy