Having been with a gambler in the past I can honestly say that it’s JUST like cheating, only your partner’s not dating another woman they’re dating the casino or slots or what have you.

Karen’s list has some points that may mean your partner is cheating OR it could mean he’s gambling, such as…

• An unusual increase of ATM withdrawals and/or credit card cash advances.
• Failure to mention overtime, bonuses, or an increase in pay.
• A liquidation of assets such as IRAs, saving accounts, money market accounts, etc.
• Avoidance of discussing money issues, the family budget, and spending habits.
• A decrease in the amount deposited from his paycheck.
• Running out of money before the next payday.

What else points to gambling?

Honestly, after having such a bad experience with another person who gambled, I HATE any gambling, but technically, you can gamble and not be addicted to gambling. Gambling, real honest to goodness addictive gambling is considered to be gambling  that disrupts your normal life or someone else’s life – i.e. your finances, your relationships, your emotions, your health, and more. Basically if gambling causes problems it’s a problem.

Following are some more signs that your partner may have a gambling problem…

• They blame you for their money problems.
• They are extremely defensive about their gambling.
• They get angry when you ask them to stop gambling or even to cut down.
• They’re gone for long unexplained periods and don’t call – many gamblers who hang at casinos loose total track of time. I’ve personally seen someone lose literally days at a casino.
• They skip work to get to the casino.
• They steal money from you, their friends, the family budget, and even from their kids.
• They may have major personality changes that vary from depressed to angry to violent.
• You feel the need to hide money from your partner.

If you notice the signs above the best thing to do in my opinion is to try and talk to your partner and if they won’t get help willingly then you need to think about you and your kids and make plans to leave. Not one person I know who have been involved with a gambler has one of those happy ending stories. It usually ends badly and will leave you financially vulnerable.

Resources:

• More signs that your partner may be a problem gambler.
• Gam-Anon for the spouse, family or close friends of compulsive gamblers.
• Support for the gambler.

Also, because I’ve often seen relationships where gambling and domestic violence go hand in hand you may be interested in basic facts of domestic violence, what intimate partner violence is, how you can assess if your relationship is abusive, plus find resource for support if you need help.

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Post from: Thrifty Mommy

1)  Stay in groups.  Never go trick-or-treating alone. 

2)  Teach children to never enter a home without prior permission from their parents.

3)  Teach your children to never approach a vehicle unless they have their parent or guardian.

4)  Carry a flashlight or glow stick and wear reflective clothing.

5)  Never go up to a home that is not well lit.

6)  If possible, go with your children.  If not, go in groups or see if your child can tag along with another parent.

7)  Consider attending fall festivals and community events rather than trick-or-treating.  Usually these are more fun because they have games, bounce houses, and other activities.

8)  Teach your children not to eat any treats without permission.  When they get home, check their candy and treats.

9)  If something seems suspicious, report it to the proper persons.

10)  Take a cell phone. 

I don’t mean to be paranoid, but it’s always best to be safe.  What tips can you add to this list?

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Post from: Thrifty Mommy

Know what’s what before hand: Before leaping into a relationship make sure you discuss money. I know it’s not romantic or always fun, but knowing your couple money mindset before you become a twosome can save you some trouble in the long run.

Split your stash: If you have your own cash supply it makes it easier there’s no consulting each other about purchases, there’s no balancing a checkbook together if one of you hates to do so. Make a general budget where you figure the bills each paying half, and if you don’t want to go that far, pay all the bills together as normal, then split the difference between your separate bank accounts.

Share tasks OR don’t: Some couple have one money savvy individual and one non-savvy person. It’s smart to leave the money savvy person in charge of tasks if that makes things easier. You have to be careful though. It’s a lot of work to always be the one writing the checks, balancing the checkbook, and dolling out allowances to the kids. Make sure the partner in charge is not feeling the brunt of all that work. This will depend on your own couple style. For example I’m perfectly happy to do all the money tasks in my household – I like it, and it makes me feel more comfortable, I could take the help or leave it. Some people hate this though.

Know what matters most: Hint – it’s not money. Money is cool and all but take a serious look at your partners pros before getting all nuts over cash differences. Does your partner gamble excessively? Hit you? Cheat on you? Rob banks? No? Ok then, money is a little thing in comparison to issues that should really make or break a partnership. Do you really want to break up over not being able to agree on a new couch? Be realistic. It’s expensive to break up and talking it out is cheap.

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Post from: Thrifty Mommy

Features of the Consumer Almanac:

• How to create a basic budget including what to track, when to track it, and annual calender forms to track it on. Note, the calender templates are blank so you can fill in current dates.
• Which assets to track and how to compare these with your liabilities.
• Top ten tips to prepare for retirement.
• Full budget tracking sheets so you can see where your money is going. Great category set up too – from basics like rent and groceries to less basics like entertainment.
• Smart grocery shopping tips to save money.
• Tips specifically for dual income homes.
• College saving tips.
• An annual budget breakdown balance sheet that shows what income came in, what expenses went out, and more.
• PLUS tips on every other kind of budget issue you can imagine.

This almanac is all you need to compile an entire annual budget plan and not only offers the tips you need but the fill in sheets as well.

Download the Consumer’s Almanac for free.

Post from: Thrifty Mommy

After some thinking, I realize there are more positives to the recession.  Another plus is that we’re eating out less.  We seem to be known for our lack of time in the kitchen, quest for easy meals and prepackaged foods, and fast food fixes.  After all, Americans do suffer with obesity problems. 

When you cook your own meals at home, you spend more time with your family.  You allow time for the family to sit around the table relaxing, eating, and talking.  There isn’t a rush to get in a restaurant, the wait to be seated, and if you have little kids (like I do) there isn’t the worry about inappropriate behavior in public.  Eating at home  is healthier for you. You have a choice about what you prepare and there are no surprises about the fat and sugar that is going into the meals.  Eating at home also opens opportunities to allow the kids to help with meal planning and preparing foods with you.  It’s a great time for kids to learn and converse with their parents.

What positives have you found from this recession?

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Post from: Thrifty Mommy

Because of the economy, raised home costs, retirement issues, and more, couples are seemingly willing to go the distance to keep things chill. For example, not go to court at all, not fight so much when they are in court, and maybe even live together as they divorce. It’s an interesting perk of this sad economy for sure and very much worth a read.

On the flip side, divorcing or splitting up at all is far less financially sound then staying together (except for in cases where, say one person is an addicted shopper or gambler). If you’re more interested in staying together for happiness and your budget’s sake, take a look at the following…

• Avoid breaking up over money issues
• Financially Compatible Spouses & Partners
• 10 Budget Tips for Couples

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Post from: Thrifty Mommy

Book: Expecting Money: The Essential Financial Plan for New and Growing Families (Paperback) by Erica Sandberg

Cost: $12.44

Basics: This book is set up to help you budget for your family, no matter your financial or marital situation. Below is Sandberg’s website description of the book:

“No matter how much you earn, own, or owe, having children will dramatically alter your financial picture. Whether you’re thinking of expanding your family, are pregnant now, or have recently had a baby, Expecting Money: the Essential Financial Plan for New and Growing Families will help you prepare for the economic demands of parenthood. From setting a financial start line to developing a comprehensive new budget, you can build lasting security with the techniques outlined in this guidebook that is designed specifically for the most important time in anyone’s life – beginning a family.“

What I think…

Erica Sandberg is a nationally recognized credit and money management authority. She’s accumulated over a decade of experience working with folks and writing about both personal and business finances. It’s easy to tell, after reading this book, that Sandberg is indeed an expert. This book is highly comprehensive and perfect for all types of family situations. Perks I enjoyed included:

Logical time-line of information. For example, the book opens with a couple of chapters that help you understand both how financial issues work, which money matters should concern you personally, and how to figure out where you are now on the path to financial success. The book then moves on the pregnancy money issues, then baby money issues, child care, and so on.

Covers relationships + finances: The book not only covers partner money dynamics but also solutions for those not in relationships (single parents). Many budgeting family books I read leave out single parents, and being a single parent myself it’s awesome to see an entire chapter devoted to this financial experience.

Covers consumer issues: One thing I liked about this book was the coverage given to consumer choice. I’m big on consumer choice as a money saving issue, and this book dives into this with topics like marketing to parents and pressure to buy products when really it’s unnecessary.

Future financial goal coverage: The second to last chapter, “Making It Happen” covers all sorts of ways to manage your future finances. Big issues like life insurance and planning for emergencies are covered but so are some fun things like vacation savings.

Budget planning help: The last chapter is a total how-to on planning your family budget. From setting goals, to tracking expenses, to crunching numbers, this chapter can help just about anyone plan for a more successful budget.

OVERALL SCORE:

For the price (not expensive) I’d give this book 5 out of 5 stars. It’s positive and upbeat without being one of those lame, “BUILD WEALTH NOW!” sort of deals. This book isn’t preachy it just offers solid advice that’s digestible in small chunks. Lastly, it’s practical and contains plans that should be easy for even non-financial types to implement.

Check out Expecting Money: The Essential Financial Plan for New and Growing Families at Amazon or take a look and see if your local library carries it.

Post from: Thrifty Mommy

A WILL:

If you have a baby you need a will for sure. This is the ONE & ONLY way you can be sure that your child has the guardian of your choice. If something happened to you and your partner you want to be sure that the person of your choice raises your child and is allotted the assets of your choice. Most books covering will creation suggest choosing a first, second, and third choice for guardians. Also it’s best, even if you’re married, to make two wills, one each, rather than a collective will because if one of you dies, the other partner can’t then change the will.

MORE LIFE INSURANCE:

If you don’t have life insurance, you’ll need some now that you have a baby. If you already have life insurance, make sure you have enough. Many employee policies offer too little coverage. Term insurance is fairly simple to set up, doesn’t cost much, and basically covers income replacement for your family if you die. Most books note that you should try and purchase coverage that amounts to about 5 to 10 times the individuals yearly income.

Also, when it comes to life insurance don’t forget to cover a stay-at-home-parent. While this parent doesn’t work, they actually do highly contribute to the lifestyle your family is used to. For example, say you homeschool because you’re not down with school. If the SAHP dies, you’d likely want enough money to pay for a private free school or something other than public. Plus there is after school care to consider and all sorts of other issues.

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Post from: Thrifty Mommy

Think of dating and lovable actions as financial and happiness insurance. Following are some ways to ignite the fire on a budget…

Parking fun: Remember parking? Making out? Well, it was fun as a teen, and it’s still fun now. Grab a CD, find a secluded area and go to town on your partner. In fact, if you know you don’t have plans, and someone else has the kids, surprise your partner by just pulling over the car one evening.

Call in sick: If you both have sick days saved up, and the kiddos are in school, call in sick (cough, cough), and stay in. Hang out, make a great lunch, and just chill.

Write a love note: People are so much more lovable early on in relationships. Love notes are a common early relationship sign, but they can also steam things up later on. If writing is not your bag, draw a funny, sweet, or sexy picture. Stick said note/picture into your partner’s work bag, so they’ll find it mid-day at work.

Write a musical love note: Create a mix CD of all the songs that remind you of your partner. Put on some of those old tunes you first listened to when you were dating.

Bake up some love: A cake, pie, or cookies with special decor – i.e. heart candies, words in icing, and so on, is simple and inexpensive, but effective for a partner who loves sweets.

Kiss and mean it: Get rid of those kisses at the door that are simply out of habit. Make an effort to mean it.

Have a party in bed: TRUE STORY – my friend’s dad says to him at lunch one day, “So, son, do you know that me and your mother still like to have a party in bed each night!” OMG right? But wait… my friend says, “DAD – I don’t want to know!” and his dad says, “Oh, not that kind of party.. each night one of us brings a different snack to bed and we share; your mother likes to bring sliced fruit, but I mix it up by bringing things like nuts!”

My friend’s parents have been together 30+ years I believe. I love this story because it illustrates an important point. What keeps couples happy and in sync may not be typical; what really matters is finding your own groove. If it’s snacks and laughs in bed so be it. If it’s something else, that’s cool too, but do find something that allows you to connect with your partner (preferably daily) to keep the spark alive.

Also see:

• Three ways to save money on a babysitter
• Cheap Date Ideas – Northwest US
• Top 10 Thrifty Date Outings

Tell me some other inexpensive ways to keep the love alive in the comments. I KNOW you’ve got some ideas…

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Post from: Thrifty Mommy

Start younger than the teen years: Hopefully, you did talk to your kids about money from the get-go, because that sets your teen up for money know-how early. If you keep mum about money responsibilities, you can’t expect your teens to act responsible about money issues.

Make a saving budget for big items: Teens need some free spending money each week, but if they want to save for big purchases, it can help to see it visually. Help them to jot down how much they’d need to save per week or month in order to afford a bigger ticket item. Then they can know how much they have available to spend.

Deposit cash for your teens: If you put spending money directly into a savings account for your teen, rather than their pocket, they may be more likely to keep it in the bank.

Match funds like an employer would: When your teen grows up their job will likely match retirement funds if not, their savings or bonds will grow with time. Give them that sort of experience. If your teen agrees that saving some money each month is a good plan, match their savings up to a specific amount. This is great motivation to save for a big ticket want or even long-term goals.

Get them gear without making them dip into savings: Gift cards make great holiday gifts for teens because they get the gear they want and can save their cash.

Provide for basics: Some parents (mine included) feel like teens should pay for everything from clothing to cosmetics to shampoo. If you had kids, it’s your responsibility to buy them the basics they need. General clothing, shampoo, and  so on should be covered by you. Extras like fancy lip gloss or expensive boots are another story, but don’t make your teen provide for all their own stuff so early on – that makes the teen years pretty stressful.

Let them make mistakes and live with them: Everyone makes mistakes. If your teen continually runs out of cash mid-month, don’t always cover the extras they want. If they know they can always get more money (if they don’t budget) they won’t bother with budgeting. Don’t belittle their mistakes though – rudeness is lame. Discuss better options, but don’t rag on them this way they’ll come to you with questions.

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Post from: Thrifty Mommy